NCIS · Season 9
[Palmer enters the squad room wearing a trench coat and looking very excited]
Excuse me, my friends, if I may have your attention please.
Looks like you're about to burst into song, Jimmy.
Nah, it's much better than that.
Why the coat on such a lovely day?
Holy full frontal, Autopsy Gremlin. Are you about to flash us your "Magic Johnson"?
Even better.
[Palmer removes his trench coat to reveal his wedding tux. Tony, McGee and Ziva all look at him in shock with their mouths open.]
[Tony and Ziva are at the crime scene. Ducky and Palmer have just arrived.]
[without looking up at Tony and Ziva] What have we here, Jethro?
What we have here is no Jethro.
[looks up in surprise] What??
He's actually running late.
Ohhh. [laughs] Here's a first.
[looks at Palmer, who's still in his tux] Sort of like wearing fuchsia and lime green to a crime scene.
[embarrassed] I didn't have time to change.
Perhaps those colors will raise the dead, Mr Palmer.
Poor guy. He looks like a pretzel.
An a-salted pretzel?
He and Jimmy are both highly intelligent and conscientious and...
Dull. [McGee looks at him] Are you kidding me? McGee's idea of an incredible party is a bunch of free corn nuts and an Xbox marathon.
Agent Lisson is all the help I need. We work like peas in a poke, like yogurt and garlic, like-- [Gibbs gives her a funny look]
There's pigs in a poke and peas in a pod but..
Yogurt and garlic??
It's a Middle Eastern staple.
[sarcastically] Which I'm sure we're gonna find in all the best Colombian restaurants. [Gibbs laughs]
The guy from United Equinox lied to us. Geek bastard!
[Ziva, Gibbs and Tony look at him in amusement]
A lot of things changed that night. I decided to become a cop because of a kid that almost died in Baltimore but didn't, and that's you. For the first time in my life, I made a difference. I did something that mattered. And I've been trying to do that ever since.
Andiamo, bambina!
Dove?
Gear up! We're leaving for Naples.
[giggles] Naples, Italy?
Si. I'm going home to grab some clothes. You should do the same. We're hopping the military flight from Andrews Air Force Base.
Is this one of your practical jokes?
Nope, Gibbs orders.
Shouldn't someone be reading me my rights?
You have no rights! You're a terrorist on a U.S. Navy vessel, and we're invoking the PATRIOT Act.
Not enough, enjoy Cuba.
[Tony, Ziva, and Burley have arrived back at NCIS, and are stepping out of the elevator. The squad room is full, with the entire staff staring at the NCIS Most Wanted wall.]
Listen up!
[He moves towards the top spot on the wall, Osama bin Laden, who has had a red line through his photo for the last year, indicating his death.]
For attacks against the United States Navy: Harper Dearing. [He pastes Dearing's photo over top bin Laden.] Let's go! We've got work to do.
You guys, just give me one hint as to what Abby has planned. It is my bachelor party, okay? I have a right to know.
Sorry. She swore us to secrecy, and she scares me more than you.
God. I think I made a big mistake making her my best man.
Relax, Jimmy. Everything is fine. Just make sure you're up on your hepatitis vaccinations.
Hepatitis?
And get a good pair of knee pads.
And a good helmet.
[laughs nervously] You guys are messing with me.
Are we? Two words.
Abby Sciuto.
I'm telling you, Ryan was there.
So what if she was? I was happy to gossip when things were just getting started, but now that they are a couple I think we should just back off.
How are you not interested in other people's private lives?
Please, who really likes weddings anyway?
There's nothing good about them.
Weird uncles making inappropriate toasts.
Rubbery chicken enhanced by cheap wine.
Cheesy music and children. Rental tuxedos.
The bouquet, the garter, the cake --
The fittings.
The fittings. The fittings! We're not even to the actual ceremony yet.
The vows.
The ring.
The kiss.
The ketubah.
I don't even know what I'd do if I had to deal with all of that.
Elope?
Yeah, well, it worked for me.
[after having evacuated the Navy Yard] That's everybody. You go, Ziva.
No, I'm not going without you!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
