NCIS · Season 7
This guy was a genius! He chronicled all his exploits on his phone. It's like a master's course! Six hundred pizzas delivered to the battalion CP. He reassembled a Humvee inside the officer's club. If only I had the appropriate time and space to use the bounty of ideas in front of me.
The case, Abbs. The case.
[walks to Tony's desk, holding a coffee cup] You know, Tony, I have been thinking, and I would like to acknowledge my place as a new agent and your place as-
Your superior in every way.
[takes a deep breath] Yes. But for my sanity, could you not call me probie?
I say it with love.
[Long pause.]
And if I refuse?
You are senior field agent and I am entirely at your mercy.
As you should be!
[He accepts the coffee and sips, looking surprised.]
Mmm! Mmm-.mm!
[He chuckles appreciatively, while Ziva looks very pleased at how much he likes it... until he grins, showing his teeth have been stained blue.]
Are you studying to become a naturalized American citizen?
I have to if I want to become an agent.
Good for you, Ziva.
Who says we want her as an American?
Who says you have a say?
A little thing called the Constitution!
[sarcastically] Really? Where?
It's in there, and it talks about dangerous foreign aliens stealing our precious bodily fluids.
That's Dr. Strangelove.
That's --
Uh-huh!
It's no longer in --
Nuh-uh!
This is Gibbs' boat.
This is the crime scene! It was flown here on a C130 cargo plane along with two bodies and all the evidence, and now it is mine. It is all mine! So I can figure out the mystery!
What mystery? Who the dead guys were?
Or who killed them.
Or how they ended up on the boat.
Sure, you guys should work on that! While I figure out how he got it out of the basement!
[walks into Gibbs' house] Hello?
[pointing a gun at Tony's head] DiNozzo! You should have told me you were coming!
I called and you didn't pick up.
I'm not going to answer the phone! I'm a fugitive!
So what do you want me to do?!
Knock!
Why would I knock? There's no lock on that door!
Someone may be on the other side with a gun??
Why would someone be standing on the other side with a gun?!
Because there's no lock on the door!
I'll just stand here with my gun.
[on the phone] I can't hear you, McGee. I'm in the basement.
Why?
Because I don't want to talk about the case in front of Leila and the kid.
Listen, Tony, this is really important. I need you to check the seams of the walls.
The walls?
Well do they appear to be removeable?
Huh.
Abby.
Or a tunnel, maybe?! It could be hidden under something on the floor. Something that looks like it doesn't belong.
Actually, I think Colonel Hogan has got a radio in the coffee pot, but the tunnel might have been filled in.
[Tony moves toward a sleeping Ziva with a Magic Marker.]
Touch me and die.
Those are none of your business, those belong to McGee.
They're funny.
They're private.
They're self-help CD's McLonely's hearts ordered...um, download your destiny. Three easy payments of $19.95 each satisfaction guarranted or your money back.
Maybe McGee's already satisfied.
Well maybe there's an easter bunny too.
Tony...
Anyone can achieve their fullest potiental. Who we are might be predetermined, but the path we follow is always of our [Tony laughs]
Oh my god, turn that off!
I love this guy! Sort of a poor man Shatner.
We should never allow our fears or the exceptions of others to set the frontiers of our [Ziva shuts it off]
I've heard enough maybe your the one who needs the self-help.
Well, see that's where your wrong Ziva. I'm already enlightened.
Well, you're off on your own, Ziva. I'm already enlightened. I know exactly where I am. It may not be pretty, but I am DiNozzo. Hear me roar.
Like an elephant.
Lee Wuan Kai: North Korean assassin, one time fanatical nationalist, credited with 27 targeted hits in seven countries, dozens more by association --
She likes quiet walks on the beach, laughing with friends and playing Frisbee with her Cocker spaniel Ruphus.
[snatches the paper away] It does not say that.
Well it might as well. Look at those come hither eyes, those perfect kiss me now lips. No wonder Vance is obsessed. Kai's killing me and I'm just looking at her. You and Kai are probably a lot more alike than you think.
I do not follow.
Really? A couple of pretty ladies, both trained assassins.
You annoy me sometimes.
Sometimes?
Most of the time!
Well somethiing must of happened between Kai and Vance. Seriously director shows up at a crime scene that's not kosher.
It's in your blood isn't it.
What is?
Your thinking of how your gonna get him. Maybe some intense mind games followed by sheer force [Locks the women door] Go for the the jugular or the slow kill your a dangerous woman.
Who am I getting Agent Dunham
Why would you want Dunham thought we were talking about Pak Su Ji
Dunham is from Texas. I like Texas what is that saying anyway umm, he cleans up nice.
Not that nice I thought he was kinda creepy.
Oh, come on stop being such a big brother he's a field agent a nomad I've had enogh of that in my life I came to seelt down to make a home for myself the last thing I need is a Chad Dunham.
Mmm
However.
What?
[Ziva laughs then they both laugh]
Well to answer your question how would I get him brut force is intriguing.
Who are we talking about right now Pack Su Ji or the Texas Longhorn.
[Tony laughs]
Heck of a day isn't it.
You went home.
Yeah, just for an hour.
I've been talking to agents all night doing recon and you went home and got your game on with little sexy miss text message, Ziva look at him.
What are you talking about?
He's ussing a husky cave man esk primitive satisfication like Heston in Planet of the Apes and it didn't matter that that world was ruled by arrangatanges because Heston went straight for the mute chick in the loing claw you pulled a Heston. Didn't you?
I don't know about that. It was only for a few minutes.
Yeah sometimes that's all it takes in my middle aged world.
[LAUGHS] You are so jealous.
Yes I am and there's nothing wrong with that I'm proud of Tim, very proud of you did you take pictures
Please.
Well I'm excited to meet her make sure she's good enough for you.
[knocks] Ms. DeMarco, NCIS. We need to speak with you.
Ms. DeMarco, open up. We want to talk to you. [sounds of a shotgun being pumped cause Tony and McGee to take cover, then a shot is fired through the door] Federal agents! Drop it!
Did that piece of filth Serro send you?! Because I've got a message for him! You can tell him -- [peeks out the door] -- did you say federal agents?
Yes, federal agents!
Serro's dead! Put the weapon down!
Okay. [puts gun on the ground]
Hands in the air!
Okay. Sorry.
Who do you think you are, Sarah Palin?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
