NCIS · Season 3
Frank Connell is a deacon at his church, never had a moving violation, let alone a parking ticket, and he calls his mother every Sunday. The man is spic and spam.
The saying is "spic and span." Spam is lunch meat.
Oh. What exactly is span then?
Span is, uh... I'll get back to you on that.
The boy has remarkable memory. There's also someone here from Social Security to pick him up.
Services, Ziva. Social Security is for older people.
Noted.
They owed me a favor.
How many people owe you a favor?
How many dates has Tony in a month?
Commander Tanner's been gone for forty-seven hours.
If he's not dead, he soon will be.
Maybe we can convince her to change her mind about the lawyer?
Oh, I can convince her of far more than that.
How long?
Not long.
McGee, you thirsty? Come on, I'll get you a cup of coffee.
Boss, what exactly is Ziva doing in there? [Gibbs just looks at him] I don't want to know. [Gibbs shakes his head] Okay.
New hires just keep getting younger, eh Madam Director?
(smiling) Obviously you didn't get the memo, Agent Dinozzo!
(confused as he keeps up with all memos and emails) What memo?
The one where it explains the next person to call her "Madam" gets keelhauled, what ever that is.
(grimacing) It's... uh (struggles to think of how to describe it)
Unpleasant!
Abs, give me good news.
Oh my god, I got this e-mail that says I may have already won $50 million and I'm really really psyched. (Gibbs looks at her) Oh, you mean about the case?
[wearing headphones and yelling] What? No Zachster?
Abby, you're yelling.
Oh sorry. [takes headphones off] Where is he?
He's upstairs.
He's a cool kid. Reminds me of you. He's like a mini Gibbs. [Gibbs looks at her] Austin Powers.
You calling Zach a mini me?
[smiles] Gibbs! I am so impressed by your pop culture reference.
(walks down the steps to Gibbs's basement wearing a long, low cut revealing dress)
(under his breath staring) Hubba-Hubba! Dinner at the White House?
A date actually!
(flirting) Must be an important guy for you to get all decked out!
(flirting back) I'd prefer if you told me you liked my dress!
(visibly jealous) I haven't decided yet!
Just go, Chip!
I don't know how you work with him around!
(exasperated) I know! (sees the results) No, No, No! (whines) No!
What?
I'm too good at what I do!
No...you're not?
I am! And Gibbs will hate me for it!
What is it?
When fingerprinting the gun people always check the trigger! They never think twice about the bullets! So now I've got a partial thumb print, a perfect index finger!
Great!
(defeated) Yeah!
So who do they belong to?
Commander Tanner!
We've got an evidence showcase showdown, Chip! What do you want? Possible prints? Sticky stuff? Or name that blood?
Well, I aced serology! I was a dilettante at Fingerprint Identification!
(passes him the evidence) Name the sticky stuff for a hundred, Chip!
It's a matter of opinion, Tony so how could it be wrong?
It's just a matter of you having the wrong opinion!
(groans) Why don't you just agree to disagree?
I don't agree to that!
Boss? The way the director cut her hair? Do you like it?
She cut her hair?
[F.B.I. Agents Maya and Yussif were doing surveillance on Tony and Ziva, and are convinced the two actually had sex.]
We're talking about your agents pretending to be married assassins.
Very convincing.
I don't think anyone in the FBI would actually go all the way just to sell a cover story.
[eyeing Maya] I would.
Guys, they were acting.
Trust me. I know when someone's acting when they're having sex.
It's true. I've met his wife.
[Midway through Tony and Ziva's undercover act as married assassins, Abby calls with autopsy results that show the wife was pregnant.]
What are you doing?
I'm trying to picture you pregnant.
Don't!
I have to, I'm gonna be a father! It's a great responsibility.
Maybe it's not yours.
Maybe she didn't know.
Oh, she knew.
Then why take this contract? Put our unborn child in danger?
Maybe we needed the money.
Kids are expensive...
And bullets are cheap. There is a big chance that this meeting is a set-up, Tony.
Are you scared?
No... excited.
[Ziva is snoring incessantly.]
(mutters) Crazy chick...
(sleepily) I heard that, my little Hairy Butt.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
