NCIS · Season 11
[after Tony notices McGee hasn't shaved] I think beards are sexy. [Tony gives her a funny look] Can an NCIS agent grow one?
[to Bishop] Not you!
[...]
I'm not growing a beard. [...] I went back to the doctor's this morning. She told me I have pseudofolliculitis.
Is that a Mary Poppins song?
[sympathetically to Abby] You can't solve everyone's problems. Some people have demons they have to overcome.
An internet security seminar? You?? Am I being punk'd?
No. Think about it. Who do you know that surfs more questionable websites than yours truly?
Not something to be proud of.
You've a good point. That's what you get for being a misogynist. What do you get if you kick a dog? A trip to Hawaii?
Death by Abby.
[to Tony] The French do see arrogance as a virtue so you'll be welcome there. But remember, in France, only tip 6%.
Sometimes, I love my job. And sometimes, I have to crawl inside a giant septic tank.
Well, it could be worse.
How?
I'd have to climb in there with you.
[In the autopsy room]
Your prognosis?
It's not good.
[sighs] I hate to lose a patient.
Wait, I think I've found the problem. Looks like the system drive is full. [camera shot reveals Ducky's smartphone on the autopsy table] How many apps did you install, Doctor?
[looks incredulously at Palmer] There's a limit??
If it were up to Admiral Kendall, he'd authorize SEAL Team Six to exfil his daughter.
There's enough eye candy in here to send you into a diabetic shock.
[after apprehending a suspect nicknamed "The Snail"] Nice job, everybody. "The Snail" just became escargot. He's cooked.
So what, McGee, you don't check your e-mail anymore?
What? Did you send me something?
Yes, a satellite image!
[checks his e-mail] Abby, this e-mail just came through two minutes ago.
Two minutes is two years in Abby time. You know that.
Jackson Gibbs saved my life. I was headed down a bad road when he hired me. He said that, "the world was bad enough as it is. You've got no right to..."
[smiles] "...make it any worse."
You know, no one ever cared enough to say stuff like that to me before.
[McGee and Bishop are in Abby's lab awaiting results]
[gleefully] Hairs, hairs, hairs!
[to Bishop] She really likes it when they're hairs.
I do, because a hair is worth a thousand words.
[at Jackson's funeral]
Thanks for making the trip, LJ.
He was proud of you, Leroy.
Yeah, I was proud of him, too.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
