NCIS quotes

I lied to you, Tony.

Tony

About?

Why I invited you to lunch. You were wrong. I was not trying to get information for a story. I invited you because I wanted to see you. Your turn.

Tony

Why?

Uh, because we're taking turns and now it's your turn.

Tony

No. That is not what I meant and you know it.

You want to know why I left.

Tony

I want to know why you said yes to me when the answer was really no. I want to know why you waited until the very last moment to tell me the truth. But most of all, my runaway bride, I would like to know why.

Would it make a difference now? If you weren't so sad and so lonely you wouldn't even be wondering.

Tony

[laughs] Sad and lonely? You have me confused with Bosco. You like to see my little black e-book?

Show me whatever you like, but it's not going to change what I see with my own eyes. You should tell her how you feel, whoever she is.

Tony

A) That's never going to happen, B) get out of my head, and C) answer the question.

I left because I wasn't read to meet "the one", okay? And you were the one.

Tony

That doesn't make any sense.

Are you sure? Because from I see you've spent the last nine years avoiding relationships. I was just broken first, which is why I left my hero cop to marry a stockbroker who cared more about money than people. I wasn't read to meet the one when we met, Tony, but I sent you that invitation because I am now.

Ducky

Sorry I was late. Been waiting for Mr Palmer to return from an errand. I had to leave without him.

Gibbs

What errand?

Ducky

Breena called. The wedding caterer they planned on using had gone out of business. The sobs almost woke the dead.

McGee

She pretty upset?

Ducky

[deadpan] She wasn't the one crying.

Leon Vance

Agent Gibbs, I'd like you to meet...

Gibbs

[to Wendy] Still working for the Evening Tribune?

The Globe.

Vance

You two know each other...? Oh, please tell me that you weren't married.

Gibbs

No, but we go back.

Vance

Good, that should make things easier. Or worse.

Tony

Oh, snap! You're one of them!

If you mean real-life superhero, then yes.

Tony

Let me guess: "I.C.U."?

That's right, because that's where you go if you mess with me.

Tony

Three letters... I guess super memory isn't one of your superpowers.

Make all the fun you want, but what I do is important. I talked a kid out of a gang just last week. I know the costumes seem silly, but they're just a gimmick. They help defuse tense situations.

Gibbs

[re: Captain Wallace] Doin' a little street fighting.

Ducky

Presumably he took his role as a vigilante quite seriously.

Gibbs

Come on, Duck.

Ducky

[chuckles] I take it you do not approve.

Gibbs

Duck, it's not their job, they could get hurt.

Ducky

Jethro, most of them already have been. Aside from their love of comic books, what most of these crime fighters have in common is being victims of violent crime themselves, or abuse, or tragedy. I mean, take a look at Captain Wallace. [shows Gibbs a file] His wife died in childbirth, and then his daughter died when a balcony collapsed in a shopping mall.

Gibbs

McGee said his specialty was building code violations.

Ducky

It's hardly a coincidence. Whereas others might have succumbed to depression, or drug abuse, these men and women have channeled their angst into something positive. Who's to judge?

Tony

Boss local leos outside say there's a woman outside who claims to be the victims doctor.

Gibbs

Let her in.

Tony

Doctor Kates sister.

Vance

I got a call from SECNAV.

Gibbs

Oh great.

Vance

No it wasn't.

Gibbs

Did somebody steal those golf bags?

Tony

[notices Ziva pacing] McGee, what's Ziva doing?

McGee

Memorizing her speech.

Tony

Speech?

McGee

Director Vance volunteered her to speak at a high school career day.

Tony

In what language, Vulcan?

Ziva

I can hear you, Tony. I do not need you making this worse. Back up.

McGee

I think you mean back off.

Tony

Why are you so uptight, Ziva?

Ziva

Public speaking is not my thing. It makes me nervous.

Tony

Nervous? What are you talking about? I've seen you take down armed terrorists without breaking a sweat.

Ziva

I'm trained for that.

Vance

You know, I envy you Gibbs. You don't have to put up with the politics. When I get the boot or drop dead in this chair, don't take the job.

Gibbs

[chuckles] I hear ya. Loud and clear.

Can I ask you guys a question? How do I get on Gibbs' good side? I would kill to be on his team.

Abby

Well, Tim would know.

McGee

Gibbs likes agents who are one step ahead, who anticipates what he wants one step ahead.

Thanks McGee.

Abby

[waves and smiles] Bye Dorney!

Ziva

[grumbles to herself] Why did I say yes...

Tony

To what?

Ziva

Career Day at Montgomery Prep. I'm still a little nervous and unsure of what to say.

Tony

Montgomery Prep is all-boys. You'll be standing in front of pubescent males with raging hormones. Wear something tight, they won't hear a word you say. [Ziva looks at Tony with dread]

Tony

I don't like Bayar's line of work but I'll tell ya, he's got great taste in women. She is smokin'!

Ziva

Obviously a professional woman, Tony. You think the Aston Martin was expensive, a month of your salary might buy you an hour of her time.

Tony

[grins widely] Au contraire, mon Ziva.

Gibbs

Dorneget! [Dorneget turns and looks at him in shock, Gibbs motions him over] Come here. Gear up. You're going with McGee.

Gear up? [Gibbs looks at him] For a field assignment?

Gibbs

I think you're ready.

But I need to be back at the evidence locker.

Gibbs

I'll handle it.

Vance

You all right, Dorneget?

Yes sir. [run to the elevator]

McGee

[flashes badge and ID] Special Agent Timothy McGee, NCIS.

[flashes badge and ID] Special Agent Ned Dorneget.

You two are NCIS agents?

McGee

Yeah.

Yes, sir.

[in disbelief] You kidding me? I applied to NCIS twice, got shot down both times.