TV show quotes
You cannot even work your email properly! You always reply to all. It drives me absolutely nuts! You know, when it comes to computers, you are almost as incompetent as Gi -- [looks around the room quickly]
[chuckles] You thought Gibbs was behind you. You know why? Because sneaky people expect sneakiness. It's a vicious circle.
You cannot trust a man whose loyalty has a price.
Are you following orders?
Your father, Ziva. He's not a good guy. He's dirty.
You cannot say no to him. Not a second time.
[to Ben-Gidon] Go! Get out of here! Run! You tell Eli David to stay away. She is off limits!
I failed you, Ziva. I am sorry.
Never apologize. It is a sign of weakness.
[hands Ziva a letter indicating that she is now an NCIS agent] Get to work, probie.
You are a woman.
You're a genius.
Korby was awesome. He came up with new practical jokes every Halloween. Nothing dangerous. I mean, no razor blades. He'd freeze all kinds of stuff, blow things up. It was funny.
And illegal!
And you are?
Ted Rogers. I live across the street. First he drove us crazy with his pranks, now he dies in his driveway!
Well, it sounds like you've got a problem in your neighborhood, Mr. Rogers. That's a nice sweater, by the way.
Look at this. [watching video of teenagers T-Ping a tree] Two ply, double roll, top tuck with a thirty foot vertical climb. This kid has got an arm! Perfect drapage and good trunk to top ratio. It's very impressive.
I do not understand the humor or the art.
It's a cultural thing. Tony would tell you.
[after Ziva knocks on his door] There's no candy here!
NCIS! We don't want any candy!
Speak for yourself, David. Open up or we'll send the kids in!
This guy was a genius! He chronicled all his exploits on his phone. It's like a master's course! Six hundred pizzas delivered to the battalion CP. He reassembled a Humvee inside the officer's club. If only I had the appropriate time and space to use the bounty of ideas in front of me.
The case, Abbs. The case.
[walks to Tony's desk, holding a coffee cup] You know, Tony, I have been thinking, and I would like to acknowledge my place as a new agent and your place as-
Your superior in every way.
[takes a deep breath] Yes. But for my sanity, could you not call me probie?
I say it with love.
[Long pause.]
And if I refuse?
You are senior field agent and I am entirely at your mercy.
As you should be!
[He accepts the coffee and sips, looking surprised.]
Mmm! Mmm-.mm!
[He chuckles appreciatively, while Ziva looks very pleased at how much he likes it... until he grins, showing his teeth have been stained blue.]
Are you studying to become a naturalized American citizen?
I have to if I want to become an agent.
Good for you, Ziva.
Who says we want her as an American?
Who says you have a say?
A little thing called the Constitution!
[sarcastically] Really? Where?
It's in there, and it talks about dangerous foreign aliens stealing our precious bodily fluids.
That's Dr. Strangelove.
That's --
Uh-huh!
It's no longer in --
Nuh-uh!
This is Gibbs' boat.
This is the crime scene! It was flown here on a C130 cargo plane along with two bodies and all the evidence, and now it is mine. It is all mine! So I can figure out the mystery!
What mystery? Who the dead guys were?
Or who killed them.
Or how they ended up on the boat.
Sure, you guys should work on that! While I figure out how he got it out of the basement!
[walks into Gibbs' house] Hello?
[pointing a gun at Tony's head] DiNozzo! You should have told me you were coming!
I called and you didn't pick up.
I'm not going to answer the phone! I'm a fugitive!
So what do you want me to do?!
Knock!
Why would I knock? There's no lock on that door!
Someone may be on the other side with a gun??
Why would someone be standing on the other side with a gun?!
Because there's no lock on the door!
I'll just stand here with my gun.
[on the phone] I can't hear you, McGee. I'm in the basement.
Why?
Because I don't want to talk about the case in front of Leila and the kid.
Listen, Tony, this is really important. I need you to check the seams of the walls.
The walls?
Well do they appear to be removeable?
Huh.
Abby.
Or a tunnel, maybe?! It could be hidden under something on the floor. Something that looks like it doesn't belong.
Actually, I think Colonel Hogan has got a radio in the coffee pot, but the tunnel might have been filled in.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
