[After being rescued.]
I want a divorce!
S3 E8Under Covers
There doesn't seem to be any permanent damage. How many times did he hit you?
I wasn't counting.
Seven times.
She was, of course.
It was hard not to.
I'm driving you home. [jangles Tony's keys and smiles]
Probie. [looks hopefully to McGee]
Ah, Ziva, actually I should probably drive him home tonight.
Why is that?
Maybe he wants to live.
S3 E9Frame-Up
Someone's setting me up.
Two surgically removed legs dumped into a training area? Do ya think?
Yeah. I was... trying to think of arrestees with grudges.
Wouldn't they all have grudges?
You see my dilemma.
[reading over Tony's shoulder] Mike Macaluso?
He's a Mafia boss DiNozzo busted in Baltimore.
They get a little touchy when they think of you as family and you turn out to be a cop.
What about that forensics dweeb that you got fired?
I didn't arrest him, Abby.
Yeah, but you really, really, really pissed him off.
[to Ziva, teasing] You set this up, didn't you?
I would never...! Okay, maybe I would, but I didn't.
SSacks
Do you realise the kind of trouble you're in here, DiNozzo?
Oh, believe me. I do. Do you realise that you have an enormous clump of something green between your teeth?
[After the interrogation]
SSacks
This guy is implicated in a homicide and he's making jokes!
You've never worked with NCIS before, have you, Agent Sacks?
We've been barking up the wrong tree the entire investigation.
Bush.
Sorry. Barking up the wrong... bush?
[grins] Tree.
[Tony is in a jail cell, going crazy rambling about his case]
You know, I've been thinking. I'm a federal prosecutor's dream.
[...]
Because I'm angry, and I'm immature, and I like control!
[...]
Yes, I ripped a glove at the scene. It seems a little sloppy for a federal agent who investigates crime scenes, but, you know, those are the breaks when you're a homicidal maniac dumping butchered women's remains out in the woods in the middle of the night! Right?
[...]
I'm not getting out of this one, am I, boss?
[Gibbs gestures him over, then slaps him upside the head]
Thank you, boss.
[slams Petri against the wall] We have a warrant now.
PPetri
For what? I didn't do anything wrong.
No? I can think of at least two things. Framing an NCIS agent for murder, and really, really, really pissing him off. [nods toward Gibbs]
[indicating Chip bound and gagged on the floor] Now can I work alone?
Mike Macaluso...still in jail! My sources say: His family is very happy about it!
(on the phone) How is it you've been in this country a month and already you've got sources?
Who says my sources are from this country, McGee?
Boss, do you really not know what coitus interruptus means?
Better question, do you know what it means if you haven't located Stewart? (McGee runs off in fear)
(leaning against the wall) My father used to say (speaks in Hebrew) אש קטנה שורפת הרבה תירס
Translate.
JJen
(walks up to an unsuspecting Gibbs) "A little fire burns a great deal of corn"!
(not understanding the phrase she said) What?
JJen
It never really made sense to me either!
It loses something in translation...director.
S3 E10Probie
JJen
What are you thinking about?
Paris.
JJen
Get your mind out of the bedroom, Jethro.
[on the phone to sperm bank] DiNozzo, big D, little I, big N, little ozzo.
Can somebody tell me what is going on here?! First, Abby's lab nerd frames Tony for murder, now McGee kills a cop... did someone break a mirror?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.