TV show quotes
You guys, just give me one hint as to what Abby has planned. It is my bachelor party, okay? I have a right to know.
Sorry. She swore us to secrecy, and she scares me more than you.
God. I think I made a big mistake making her my best man.
Relax, Jimmy. Everything is fine. Just make sure you're up on your hepatitis vaccinations.
Hepatitis?
And get a good pair of knee pads.
And a good helmet.
[laughs nervously] You guys are messing with me.
Are we? Two words.
Abby Sciuto.
I'm telling you, Ryan was there.
So what if she was? I was happy to gossip when things were just getting started, but now that they are a couple I think we should just back off.
How are you not interested in other people's private lives?
Please, who really likes weddings anyway?
There's nothing good about them.
Weird uncles making inappropriate toasts.
Rubbery chicken enhanced by cheap wine.
Cheesy music and children. Rental tuxedos.
The bouquet, the garter, the cake --
The fittings.
The fittings. The fittings! We're not even to the actual ceremony yet.
The vows.
The ring.
The kiss.
The ketubah.
I don't even know what I'd do if I had to deal with all of that.
Elope?
Yeah, well, it worked for me.
[after having evacuated the Navy Yard] That's everybody. You go, Ziva.
No, I'm not going without you!
[holding Ziva up on his shoulders as she bangs on the escape hatch] I'm so glad we broke protocol and took the elevator. Who's bright idea was that anyway?
What?
Xenia Onatopp, the Bond villain from Goldeneye. Famke Janssen. She would kill men by squeezing her well shaped, muscular thighs. [cringes as Ziva squeezes his neck]
I could think of worse ways to die. [pushes on hatch] I am almost there! We're stuck!
Keep pushing, thigh master. I'm starting to enjoy this.
Something is blocking it. It is jammed. They're going to have to open it from the outside. [slides down Tony's back as the elevator shifts] We slipped.
Did we? I thought the earth moved.
You're sweating.
It's hot in here.
I had not noticed.
Really?
How much longer are we going to be stuck in here? Hello?! Anybody!
It's been hours, Tony. I cannot take much more of this.
What's that supposed to mean? I suppose it is getting a little ripe in here.
I'm not ripe! You, on the other hand, are pungent!
[sniffs himself and coughs] Well, it could be worse. You could be stuck in this tin can with Miguel from human resources.
[laughs] He sweats more than anyone I've ever known.
How about Jeremy from office operations? That guy. He's always undressing you with his eyes. I mean, he's fun, but a little creepy.
Hey, what if one of those men is dead?
[They sit in silence but are startled at a knock, then the doors open]
[shoves the fireman out of the way] There you are!
Abby, I've never been more happy to see your gorgeous face.
You guys must be ready to kill each other. I mean, I can't think of who I'd want to be stuck in an elevator with, except maybe Amelia Earhart, or Michelle Obama, or Joan of Arc, or the whole cast of Cirque du Soleil in case I got bored I could --
Abby!
Good news: McGee was released from the hospital.
[glum] Great. I'm sure he has a nice, big scar to show for it.
Well, the doctor said it is not too significant, and maybe --
Maybe if the doctor had diagnosed Harper Dearing as a clinical nutjob years ago, then none of this would have happened!
Okay. I see you are upset. I mean, we are upset too, but we're safe, and you have to focus on that. You have to focus on the good.
The good. What good? Harper Dearing took that away. First he goes after innocent sailors, and then he comes after us where we live. All I see is pain and destruction. I don't see good. I want good back.
Abby, if anyone can find the good, it is you. I have no doubt.
What if this isn't over? What if Dearing isn't done?
A terrorist is only as strong as the fear he creates.
Ziva, please. Kick. His. Ass.
Doctor Mallard, I've been holding on to the body for the family. No one ever contacted us.
Well, claiming the remains of wanted men has always been taboo, Mr. Palmer. Forensic historians have shown more interest in their bodies than family members. That's why John Wilkes Booth has always been a fascination for me. You see, his --
Duck, you're not here, remember?
Yes, but I am alive, and until I am embalmed and buried there will be stories to tell, and I look forward to telling them.
(regarding the news that Harper Dearing is still alive)
Agent Fornell asked me to convey this message: "Are you freaking kidding me?!" BOLO's out.
[Gibbs confronts Dearing at the house where Dearing's son Evan was born; he listens to tapes from Evan's Navy service.]
[from the kitchen] Turn that off, will you? Evan used to send us cassette tapes to listen to, see how he was doing... please.
[Gibbs shuts the tape player off, and looks inside the kitchen, where Dearing is working with a coffee machine]
Trying to make you a nice cup of coffee. I know you like it, but this... [chuckles] This machine is impossible. How about something stronger?
[Dearing pours two glasses of whiskey and offers one to Gibbs, who shakes his head.]
I'm glad you came, Gibbs. I was hoping you'd figure it out eventually - the house where Evan was born. I'm sure you have similar feelings for Kelly's home. "Life, although it may only be an accumulation of anguish, is dear to me, and I will defend it." Mary Shelley. [pause] You and I are a lot alike, you know. You made one decision, I made another. We both did what we had to do. [walks over to the window, with a gun on the windowsill; Gibbs spots it, and pulls his knife] You have a job to do, Gibbs; I've done mine. Do I have regrets? Yeah... some. But not all. Maybe things happen for a reason.
[Dearing grabs the gun and turns, but Gibbs knocks it from his hand and stabs him; Dearing stares at him before slumping to the floor, dead.]
You can't tell me Midge didn't like me because I'm not a woman.
Let it go, Tony. Midge liked you just fine, she just thought you were occasionally annoying.
Annoying? That's almost worse.
You're more like high maintenance. You know, always switching from the hip holster to the shoulder to the ankle.
Changing from the Glock 17 to the 23 and then back again.
You know, what's high maintenance about that? I like a certain holster. I like a certain gun.
Things odd, Abby? What's odd?
The bullet that killed Midge. It's nasty. It's like way nastier than any standard .32 I've ever seen.
It looks pretty standard to me.
Yeah, but look closer. It's covered in mold spores, and old mold, like sixty years, which means it's a very old bullet.
From where?
Well, my first thought is this assassin from the past. He stumbles through a tear in the space-time continuum.
Or from somebody's old gun.
That was my second thought.
You've barely spoken since we left, brilliant chatterbox.
Not feeling so brilliant, I guess.
Well, if it's any consolation, your friend Judy did not seem the least bit spoken for to me either.
Vance was right to yell. I'm off my game. I've lost my focus. It's like half my brain is still stuck in that elevator.
[Ziva, Tony and McGee are talking to Gibbs about the victim]
The most remarkable thing about him was how unremarkable he was.
And whatever the motive for his murder is.
You got nothing.
Sounds worse when you say it like that.
Not worse. Wrong. We got something. Got a dead Marine [walks past Ziva, Tony and McGee, who all look uncomfortable]
Tell me you got something, Abs.
I do.
[Abby puts a lei around Gibbs' neck and hands him a cocktail. Gibbs looks at her in bemusement.]
Much better.
I don't know where to start.
Well, it's just that ever since the "kaboom", you should've been walking around looking like Mr Sourpuss but I know that on the inside you're one of the kindest people I know. So I thought it would be nice if today your outside reflected your inside. I know what you did for Ducky. It was very, very sweet.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
