Timothy McGee quotes from NCIS

McGee

[exiting the elevator] Ah, I missed these stained orange walls. God bless tacky American bureaucracy.

Tony

The prodigal probie returns.

McGee

You know, I realized something, Tony. You don't appreciate something until it's gone.

Tony

So you missed me, ay?

McGee

No, other things, like breakfast without beer.

Ziva

I thought that was the Irish.

Tony

Canadians, too.

McGee

You know, beer doesn't go well with either eggs or oatmeal. [looks at Ziva] Why are you so tan?

Ziva

Why are you so white?

McGee

I've always been like this.

Ziva

It becomes you.

McGee

You're lying.

Ziva

Through my teeth.

McGee

[speaking to three recruits while standing at his desk] Now, this is where the brain trust of the entire unit sits. Come on in. Come on in. Please, have a seat. You notice how I've angled my desk here to get a good vantage point of the entire team here. It's very important as an NCIS agent to stay aware.

Tony

[watching from his desk] What's going on here? Are we being replaced by younger models?

Ziva

I am a younger model.

Tony

If that was intended to hurt me, you have succeeded.

Ziva

And we are not being replaced. They are from Waverly University.

Tony

Oh, yeah, that's right. Director Vance's internship program. It's not a good idea. It feeds McGee's need to have groupies. [Ziva smiles]

McGee

Well, he sounds serious.

Gibbs

No kidding.

McGee

Ziva, what's going on?

Ziva

Tony has been selected to be on the cover of the new NCIS recruiting brochure.

McGee

Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

Tony

Hey, check it out. Who's the new face of NCIS? You're looking at it, McEnvy. Get used to it.

McGee

There will be no living with him now.

Ziva

Now??

Ziva

Tony, have you been drinking?

Tony

No. [sniffs breath] Why?

Ziva

I could have sworn I just heard you thank McGee.

Tony

I appreciate his insight.

Ziva

[skeptically] On what?

Tony

Baseball.

McGee

Specifically the implementation of instant replay in baseball. If we have the technology, why not use it?

Ziva

I do not know what is more disturbing: the fact that you both agree on something or that McGee is a fan of a sport.

Tony

[Talking about Ziva] She's not doing a very good job. The body language is all wrong. Classic Ziva would've been more reckless, hair would've been more wild. She was very sexual then.

McGee

You think Ziva's less sexual now?

Tony

Compared to the Ziva I shared a bed with five years ago, yeah.

McGee

You guys were undercover. I mean, you were just putting on a show.

Tony

[Doesn't say anything, stares at Ziva]

McGee

You were putting on a show, right?

Tony

[Just looks at McGee and clears his throat]

Ziva

Tony!! [jumps on Tony to cover him from a bomb blast]

Tony

This is nice. I miss the old Ziva.

Ziva

I can tell.

Tony

Don't flatter yourself. That's just my knee.

Ziva

So, Matt Lane planted a bomb then stayed behind to unpyer a game rather than flee the scene.

Tony

We told you Ziva.

Gibbs

It's baseball.

Ziva

Huh

Nice

Ziva

You two need a moment.

Tony

You'll understand. Eventually

Ziva

Will I? (Goes to grab mitts and baseball)

Ziva

Hey Gibbs, Have a catch?

McGee

Wow, look at this. So, you do know a little somethin about baseball. Huh!

Ziva

Yeah. My father taught me.

McGee

How many Caf-Pow's have you had today?

Abby

Um, Eleven..teen.

Ziva

Hey, guys? [Tony and McGee arrive to see Ziva looking into a dumpster] Someone is going to have to go though this -- this is disgusting.

Tony

Last time I checked, I was senior field agent.

McGee

It's too bad we don't have a probationary agent with us.

But we do!

Ziva

You're going to pull rank on me?! [watches as they turn and leave]

Abby

But, you just got here dont you wana stay a couple of days. You can have some quality time with Tony.

Dinozzo Sr.

Ohhh, I'd love too Abby, but I have to get back to New York I've been away to long.

Ziva

But we barely got to see you.

McGee

Yeah, we were kinda hopin to hear your version of why Jr. got expelled from boarding school.

Tony

Your wildest dreams McGee. Let's go dad!

Dinozzo Sr.

What's the matter with you Jr? Relax.

Gibbs

Hey, DiNozzo hold on a minute.

Tony

Don't move. Stay. [walks over to Gibbs] Yeah boss.

Gibbs

Hey, where's your dad going?

Tony

New York

Gibbs

No not yet we need him get us into the reception.

McGee

The Palestinians last location is a thousand miles south of D.C. Now every minor and major airport between has their photos posted. I've got alerts at the train stations, bus stations, local L.E.O.s up and down the coast, as well as all hardware shipments, commercial or military. I have hung a net.

Ziva

I do not know who Annette is or why you are so proud of killing her.

McGee

No, what I mean is, when they make a move I'll know about it.

McGee

Oh no. Agent McCallister! Now remember, you're supposed to ask me before using the men's room.

Shut up! Permission to smack your boy with my cane, Gibbs.

Gibbs

Denied.

McGee

So, where is she?

Tony

[starts] Who?

McGee

Tony, Ziva's been gone since Thursday.

Tony

Oh! Ziva. Gosh, I hadn't noticed.

McGee

You are lying.

Tony

McGoo, I have better things to do than obsess about the whereabouts of our little miss fancy-pants Ziva.

McGee

Like what?

Tony

Well, for starters, there's lunch. Today I'm picking falafel.

McGee

Tony.

Tony

All right. She spent the weekend with him.

McGee

Who?

Tony

The sire of South Beach. The king of Key West. The man with the mister -- I'm running out of things to call him.

Tony

She won't even tell us his name.

Tony

Cover your mouth.

McGee

I'm allergic to sawdust. Mostly pine. I'm better with hardwoods. You know, walnut, oak.

Tony

Were you a sickly child? Because I'm betting you were a sickly child.

McGee

I need my inhaler.

Tony

I want Ziva back.

Tony

5 kids Craig was advising. Hi I thought you were in Miami. You look positively awlpine.

Ziva

He came to me. We went skiing again this time to Vermont.

Tony

Vermont that's so quant they have all those lovely little country inns and uhh, cozy fires and sticky syrup that gets every where.

Ziva

He enjoys nature and I discovered that he's a fantastic cook he made this whoow delicious awzooboko.

Tony

Aren't you lucky so he's a real renasaunce man.

Ziva

He is an expierence man who knows how to enjoy life there is a difference.

McGee

So when do we get to meet him and please tell us his name.

Tony

Oh, no please let me guess. Zeus uhh Thor.

Ziva

His name is Ray.

Tony

Ray what a nice little name. Ray like Ray Crock or Ray Charles or Sugar Ray.

Ziva

Umm, I promise you Ray is a good man.