Ziva David quotes from NCIS

McGee

[after Tony asks Ziva to hit him in the abdomen] As hard as she can?

Tony

As hard as you can.

McGee

You know that's how Houdini died?

Tony

Ziva, did you kill Houdini?

Ziva

It is possible, I do not remember all their names.

Tony

[As Tommy Lee Jones] All right, listen up, people. Our fugitive has been on the run for ninety minutes.

Ziva

It has been three hours, Tony.

Tony

Average foot speed over uneven ground, barring injuries, is 4 miles per hour.

Ziva

He's not on foot, he's in a car!

Tony

What I need out of each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in the area. Our fugitive has a name. And it is...

Gibbs

Corporal Damon Werth.

McGee

Hey, the Tommy Lee Jones speech... every time we have a fugitive? Really?

Tony

What were you having feelings about? You just said you were having feelings.

Ziva

I said that I have feelings, not that I am having feelings.

McGee

That is a pretty sophisticated grammatical differentiation.

Tony

Don't change the subject with your big words, McNerd. Ziva says she had a feeling. Tell us about this feeling. What was this feeling?

Ziva

I felt... overwhelmed. Temporarily. Which does not often happen to me. When we were wrestling with Werth.

Ziva

What? What is this look?

Tony

Nothing. [Ziva goes back to working, Tony and McGee smile] You like him.

Ziva

He was powerful.

McGee

You really like him

Ziva

No I am saying he is stronger than any man I have encountered. But strength should not decide a battle. There is a weapon for every fight.

McGee

You itchin' for a rematch?

Tony

Wanna roll around on the ground with him some more?

Ziva

I am trying to describe something -- complicated.

Tony

It's not complicated, Ziva. It's Conan.

McGee

To her Red Sonja.

Tony

Nice.

Ziva

It only lasted a moment.

Tony

You had a moment. A moment and a feeling. And a smack to the head, broken nose, dislocated shoulder. It's been a banner day.

Gibbs

Easy on the painkillers, DiNozzo.

Tony

When you're dealing with a guy on the run, you gotta climb inside his head, think his thoughts. What would he do? Where would he go?

McGee

Did one armed man murder his wife?

Tony

Would he dress up like a clown and join a traveling circus, like Jimmy Stewart in The Greatest Show on Earth?

Ziva

Do any of your ideas come from reality?

Tony

Sure. Just not your reality.

Ziva

Could you try to zero in on Werth's reality?

Tony

Considering the dude skipped the looney bin, maybe a little bit of non-linear fuzzy logic is the key to tracking him.

McGee

Maybe he was accused of a crime he didn't commit and is trying to promptly escape to the Los Angeles underground.

Tony

[stares at McGee] He's not The A-Team, McGee.

Tony

I'm sorry, but the correct answer is Full Metal Jacket.

Ziva

That is not the best Marine movie. A Few Good Men is.

Tony

Based on the fact that I am right, I'm overruling you.

McGee

I'll flip you for it.

Ziva

If I flip you, you will get hurt.

Tony

[whispers] You can take her, McGee.

Tony

[watching Langer leave] What an ass.

Ziva

[looking down admiringly] Yes, indeed.

Tony

You're Langer-leering. You're leering at Langer.

Ziva

Why not? He's cute.

Tony

He -- he's not cute, he's --

Ziva

[puts her finger over Tony's mouth] Shh. Don't speak.

Tony

[impressed] Bullets Over Broadway. Woody Allen.

Ziva

Very good, Tony. You get a B in my class.

Tony

I could teach your class.

Ziva

I spent my summers in Haifa.

[Picks up the tea she has offered him] You make it Arab-style, huh? Strong.

Ziva

I like it strong.

You like Muslims.

Ziva

Yes.

May I ask why? I don't mean to offend, I'm simply curious.

Ziva

Growing up in Israel I had a friend who was Muslim. We were very close.

Are you still close?

Ziva

He was killed. When I was twelve.

There's been too much death.

Ziva

I agree.

Tony

Ah-ha!

Ziva

[snatches it out of his hand] I have killed for less.

Tony

You cheated!

Ziva

I did not.

Tony

This is a book about movies. I bet you didn't even see those movies. You just read this book.

Ziva

I like books.

Tony

I like movies.

Ziva

Do not quote books, I will not quote movies.

Tony

What if it's a book that's been turned into a movie?

McGee

Alright, then we’ll flip for it.

Ziva

If I flip you, you will get hurt.

Tony

[whispers] You can take her, Probie.

Tony

Ah-ha!

Ziva

[snatches it out of his hand] I have killed for less.

Tony

You cheated.

Ziva

I did not.

Tony

Yes you did! That is a book about movies! I bet you never saw all those movies. You just read the book.

Ziva

I like books.

Tony

I like movies.

Ziva

Do not quote books, I will not quote movies.

Tony

What if it’s a book that’s been made into a movie?

Ziva

[talking about the man the hooker picked up] Personally I think she could have done better.

Tony

Come what?

Ziva

The jack she is with is gross.

Tony

You mean "john?"

Ziva

You know him?

Tony

[shakes head] Oh my God.

Ziva

Tony still has not gotten me back for the binoculars.

McGee

I thought you two shook on it, no more practical jokes.

Ziva

Do you trust DiNozzo?

McGee

Point well taken.

Um, Ziva? I don't know if I should say anything or not, but I saw Tony putting something under your car --

Ziva

What? When?

What, I don't know. When? This morning.

Ziva

Ha! I told you, I told you he could not be trusted! [rushes out]

McGee

Was Tony really messing with her car?

No. Tony just told me to tell Ziva that when I saw her.

Ziva

[as Jeanne Benoit passes] Be a man, Tony.

Tony

She accused me of murder.

Ziva

Who is the bad guy? Be a man. Go tell her what she needs to hear.