Leroy Jethro Gibbs quotes from NCIS

Gibbs

He got scared. He found out his partner was going to meet with the agent from the original case. It wasn't DiNozzo but the killer didn't know that. If I'm him I'm wondering why my buddy is meeting with a federal agent. Hmmm. Maybe he's going to flip on me. He can't if he's dead. There's our motive we just need our killer.

Tony

May of just found him. Abby just matched a print from Renny's hotel room to one of his former coworkers. A Commander Carl Davis. Gear Up. (Ziva and McGee stare at Gibbs blankly)

Gibbs

What?

McGee

We've just never heard you say that much at one time.

Ziva

Or in a week.

Gibbs

Wasn't my job before. Come on.

Tony

The Burning Bed, 1984, Farrah Fawcett

Gibbs

Torched her husband while he was sleeping. [Tony stares at him] Second wife's favorite movie.

Tony

Maybe Commander Davis' wife is going for a sequel.

McGee

Hell hath no fury...

Gibbs

...like a woman's scorn. Third wife's favorite quote.

Tony

The other husband, how kind of him. What do they say?....

Gibbs

Misery loves company.

Tony

Where'd you get that? Your fourth wife?

Gibbs

How'd it go?

Tony

I guess I missed him.

Gibbs

Yeah? Well, I figured.

Tony

Boat, Bourbon, basement. I get it.

Tony

[after riding a horse all day] Ohhh, can you get nerve damage in your buttocks?

Gibbs

You're gonna feel worse in the morning.

Gibbs

Any word on Dina Risi?

No. We tried all our sources. No one seems to know where she went.

Gibbs

You know her?

Well, I met her. She was chained to a tree, I was the one with the bolt cutters and handcuffs.

Gibbs

Abs, what do you got?

Abby

I am not at liberty to discuss the details of Director Vance's case with you. And I would certainly hope that you wouldn't try to bribe me.

Gibbs

I wouldn't do that. [he sets a Caf-pow next to her]

Abby

Because I can't say a word about the five slugs that Ducky pulled out of Owens' body. Not that there's a word to say, 'cause I don't even know if these .45 cal S&Ws are a match to the weapon that was found in the deceased's pocket. Not that I would tell you if they are. I'm assuming that your curiosity is for educational purposes. After Ducky does the autopsy we should be able to calculate how long that accumulated post mortem gasses took to counteract the weight that kept Owens submerged.

Tony

[standing up on desk, yelling] Excuse me. K listen up everybody, I need your full attention here. Lenny, Squiggy, Q-Tip, Q-Bert, Bungo Straight, Vertical Bill, can you hear me back there? [says to hot girl] Oh hi Natalie, hi. You look very nice today. [resumes yelling] I have lost my wallet. So, if you've seen it, please return it to me. There will be no judgment, maybe even a small reward.

Tony

Hi boss, I lost my... [jumps down from desk] You're going to say mind or marbles...

Gibbs

Job.

Gibbs

How was the pawn shop?

Ziva

I hit a stone wall.

Tony

It's a brick wall.

Ziva

No, it was a stone wall. I backed up too quickly.

Gibbs

Abs, music?

Abby

I know. I can barely stand it. I can't focus, it's effecting my cognitive function, I'm getting agitated. It's not for me. It's for them. [indicating maggots in a jar] I'm playing classical music for babies. It's supposed to increase their spatiotemporal reasoning and increase intelligence. [sighs] If I keep listening to this, I'm gonna turn into a psycho killer.

Abby

[imitating Gibbs] Gear up!

Tony

You're not Gibbs.

Abby

[imitating Gibbs] There's a gun found at a Navy base housing.

McGee

Abby, that doesn't warrant a team call-out. A: There are thousands of guns on a Navy base..

Tony

..and B: You're not Gibbs.

Abby

Ok, what if I told you that the base MP's gave me the gun to test.

McGee

Doesn't warrant a team call-out. [Ziva and Tony shake their heads in unison]

Abby

And the gun was found under a kid's bed. And, it was loaded.

Ziva

Still does not warrant a call-out.

Abby

And it was recently fired.

It's not a call-out!

Gibbs

[walking into the office] You heard the lady. Gear up!

Abby

They only listen to their master, Gibbs. Only you can crack the whip. [hands coffee to Gibbs] Only you can drink the swill.

Ziva

[on the phone outside the safehouse] Tony, we have been compromised.

Tony

What are you talking about, Ziva? Is this a drill??

Did she get my medicine?!

Ziva

I'm going around the back.

Tony

Come here. Let's go. What are you doing?! Let's go! [sees Ziva walk in the door] Should we go?

Ziva

We are more vulnerable in transit. Take cover.

What is she going to do?

Tony

You know, I don't really know. Bathroom, now.

Ziva

[calls Gibbs on speakerphone and places phone on the table, then draws two pistols]

Gibbs

Yeah? Gibbs.

Ziva

We have a situation at the safehouse.

Gibbs

Well, yeah, Ziva. What is it?

Ziva

Just a second. [both men break in a door each, only to be shot dead]

Gibbs

Ziva? Ziva! Ziva, talk to me!

Ziva

Under control. [hangs up]

Gibbs

[smiles and hangs up]

Abby

The rest of it is mostly spreadsheets, bank accounts and porn... spreadsheets and porn, that's two totally different things.

Gibbs

Yeah, I already know that, Abs.

Abby

Okay, I was just checking.

Gibbs

You would have done things differently?

Vance

I would. I do. But in the last two minutes, you've gotta let your quarterback call the plays. Nice win.

Ziva

This is nice. Being able to work without Tony's incessant babbling. It is almost as if he cannot go on for more than thirty seconds without hearing his own voice. You know, the truly amazing thing is that he fails to realize just how irritating he is to those around him.

Gibbs

Ziva!

Ziva

Yes, Gibbs?

Gibbs

Babbling.

Abby

Heller made the bullet and I made the gun.

Tony

Huh. Assassination made easy, but I mean really, a gun would be easier.

Gibbs

He didn't build it to kill someone.

Tony

He built it to sell it.

Abby

[sarcastically] Perfect. Hi, I'm Abby Sciuto: International bio-weapons dealer.