Tony DiNozzo quotes from NCIS

And every photo he ever had taken with his sister... why are they all on Halloween?

Tony DiNozzo

That's just how she dresses.

Abby

The call was digitally re-routed, and terminated before I got all the details, but Eva is definitely somewhere on the 700 block of K street.

Tony

That's a lot of doors to knock on.

Abby

Yeah, and it's not like one of them's gonna have a sign outside that says "Russian hangout."

...Actually, there is. [everyone looks at him] Tusovka. It's a four-star restaurant known for borscht with caviar and sour cream... [Gibbs and Tony are already moving] ...and for refusing service to anyone who doesn't speak Russian. Tusovka is actually Russian for...

Gibbs

"Hangout."

It's probably just a coincidence.

Gibbs

Or it's a trap.

Eva wouldn't do that... but if she's there, be nice! Please!

[tracing a miniature dog tracker] Got a match!

Tony DiNozzo

Oh, good.

But I can't tell you who.

Why not?

Because you don't have a warrant. This is private information. I know the legal system thinks of animals as property, but I don't. Whatever dog this came out of has the same rights as you and me.

It didn't come out of a dog, it came out of a person.

Tony DiNozzo

Your product is being used in human trafficking.

Oh, my goodness.

Tony DiNozzo

This movie's always had pacing problems for me.

What do you mean? It's a classic!

Tony DiNozzo

It's not like it made it any warmer.

Then who do you suggest does make the exchange? They said no cops. Have you looked in the mirror? [to Gibbs] You look like an MP. [to Fornell] You look like a Fed. [to Tony] And you look like Sonny Crockett.

Tony DiNozzo

Don Johnson or Colin Farrell?

I hate hospitals. You can't shake the smell of antiseptic...

Will you stop complaining? You're not the one who had to drop trou in front of Nurse Ratchet. Where's Gibbs?

Tony DiNozzo

He's, uh... upstairs, MTAC, talking to Vance.

What?

Tony DiNozzo

It's just... a nice look, the neon chin strap. You guys stop by a rave on the way back from the hospital?

Look, the ER ran out of bandages, all right? They had to borrow from pediatrics.

Tony DiNozzo

Ready?

Jimmy Palmer

I feel so silly. I can't believe I'm the only one without a motorcycle license.

Dr. Donald Mallard

No matter, Mr. Palmer. Rest assured that by my side, you will be hauling ass.

Leon Vance

Gentlemen, let's ride!

Well, I brought Susan to the homeless shelter, like you suggested. If we can find out her last name, maybe we can access her medical records. They took her fingerprints, and I'm hoping that Abby can find a match.

Dad, that's very commendable, but you can't ask Abby to break agency rules for a personal favor...

Abby

We got a hit.

Tony DiNozzo

You ran the prints.

Abby

Of course I did, Tony. A poor, homeless woman in need of medical care? That's a no-brainer.

Every effort is being made to hunt him down, Agent Gibbs, believe me.

Tony

I'd believe you if you were still back in Israel, searching, instead of standing here telling us how sorry you are.

Actually, I am here for a much more important reason, something far more personal. [to one of her agents] Bring in Tali.

Wasn't that Ziva's sister?

Her namesake, yes.

Tony

Whose namesake?

You may have heard there was one survivor pulled from the farmhouse. Her room was in a corridor not destroyed by the fire.

Tali is Ziva's daughter... and your daughter, Tony.

Tony

I still think you could have gotten away with pretend tea, Dad. I don't think she would know the difference.

But I would know, Junior. [to Tali] What does Daddy know about making tea, anyway?

Tony

Please don't... please don't call me that.

Why not? Embrace it, son! This kid is a DiNozzo all the way!

[points to Ziva in the picture] Ima.

Tony

Yeah, that's right, Tali.

Ima!

What does that mean, "Ima"?

Tony

It's Hebrew. It means "mother", "mom".

Oh.

[points to Tony in the picture] Abba.

Tony

...Tali, what did you say?

[pointing] Ima, Abba.

Tony

Abba?

[smiles] "Daddy."

[looking around] Old friends and new... But not the one I expected.

Tony

I'm here.

[looks to his right] DiNozzo... I had no idea she'd be in the farmhouse. You know that.

Tony

Do I?

It was nothing personal, strictly business.

McGee

It is personal. It's Ziva!

Tony

She was my family.

Tony

[refering to the Caf Pow] Is that number 2 or 3 today?

Abby

If you must know, it's number 4.

Tony

[holds up evidence bag] I brought you a present.

Abby

[smiles] And you wonder why you're still single.

Tony

You redecorating?

Abby

I thought I'd brighten the place up a bit.

Tony

You take these?

Abby

Yeah, that's a cross section of what a 12 gauge did to an L3 to L5.

Tony

Shotgun-shattered backbone?

Abby

Ya, the middle one there is a cross section of an icepick to a cerebellum.

Tony

[grimaces, then looks at another picture] Duodenum?

Abby

Yeah; I like to call it "Duodenum with a lye chaser". It's a sad end of a Drano drinker.

Tony

You need to get out more, Abby.

Abby

Is that an invite?

Abby

[lifting a fingerprint for the victim's car] Let your fingers do the talking. [to Tony] Why'd they tow it?

Tony

It was abandoned in a lot at Great Falls. Any of those finger prints big enough to be a man's?

Abby

Yep. Whoever was riding shotgun.

Tony

How fast can you run 'em?

Abby

Usually about 12 hours, but for dinner...

Tony

Get me an ID in two, and I'll make it Cafe Alantico.

Abby

Sweet.