[Over the "The End" card]
The end... for Johnny at least, you poor dope!
The Wild Wild World of Batwoman (movie)
“The Wild Wild World of Batwoman” · Season 5
In this episode: Crow T. Robot (19), Tom Servo (16), Mike Nelson (14), Narrator (5), Gypsy (1), Johnny (1), Mary (1)
[The film opens with a movie logo for Medallion TV.]
Hey, I have my 40-year TV medallion.
[singing] What do you do when you're branded?
CCrow
[singing] You watch TV.
[The first scene after the credits is a night shot of a narrow city street lined with apartment buildings.]
I'm as mad as hell!...
[The camera pans down to rest on the rears of three dancing women in tight pants.]
Holy cow! That's 40 pounds of butt in 30-pound-butt-capacity pants!
CCrow
They just put a bunch of movies in a blender and pressed the 'Mix' button!
[Camera pans up to an imprisioned brunette with a typical 1960's flip hairdo]
Oh, Donald.
[As the professor dances, Batwoman secretly frees a prisoned girl.]
CCrow
Well, we've discovered Batwoman's secret power: She can open unlocked doors!
So this is "The Wild Wild World of Batwoman", eh?
[A puff of smoke goes off in the lab as someone wakes up.]
Whahappa?
SAServo [as TV announcer]
Yes, it's the best hits of the 50s and 60s on 8-track and cassettes!
[The background music continues to go on as two people continue to dance.]
MCMike, Crow, Servo
[in a dull voice] Tequila.
CCrow
Those two were once cute, tiny, lovable babies.
[A man sits at his desk and talks to his secretary.]
MMan
Miss Benson, I'm going to the commissary for a quick bite of lunch, ring through to me if that Simpson call comes in.
Simpson, eh?
[The plot inexplicably switches to something about underground monsters, using footage from The Mole People.]
CCrow
[confused] Wha-- that's The Mole People! These movies have crashed!
You got your Mole People in my Batwoman!
You got your Batwoman in my Mole People!
CCrow
You know a movie is bad bad bad if it makes the Monkees look good!
[The cast chases each other round and round a table while ludicrous hootenanny music plays.]
Maybe they'll all turn into butter.
CCrow
So, Mike. This is Hell.
Yep.
CCrow
Mike, I demand that you kill me.
Me too.
No. [a beat] Will you kill me?
[A rail-thin beatnik waiter attends to a table at a restaurant. The waiter has a very distinct hairstyle and moustache.]
CCrow
Hey! Hitler! We want to order over here!
[The plot has been resolved and nothing important is happening, but the end credits are nowhere in sight.]
[screaming] ENDDDD! EEEEENNNNDDDDDD!!!
[And now, at last, the film ends.]
[defeated and unimpressed] What a wild wild world!
CCrow
Please stay away from sharp instruments for three weeks after viewing this film and do not operate heavy equipment, thank you!
Should I spit on your dice now, or not, or...?
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