Maud Pie quotes from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Fluttershy

These spiders only live in Ponyville, and even though they may look a teeny bit scary, they're actually very sweet and help keep other, more dangerous insects away!

Maud Pie

I was looking at the rock.

Fluttershy

Oh.

Maud Pie

[to Twilight Sparkle] I prefer to read my own poetry.

Twilight Sparkle

Oooh, I'd love to hear some of it.

Maud Pie

[clears throat] "Rock, you are a rock. Grey, you are grey. Like a rock, which you are, rock." I've written thousands.

Pinkie Pie

She's so prolific!

Maud Pie

This next one is about rocks. They're all about rocks. "Rocks, these are my rocks. Sediments make me sentimental. Smooth and round, asleep in the ground. Shades of brown, and grey..."

Discord

Knock knock! [no one responds] You're supposed to say 'Who's there?' This is the most basic of jokes! [smashes a watermelon]

Maud

You're the most basic of jokes. [everypony laughs]

(laughing) Good one, Maud! (laughs more)

Maud

[deadpan] There.

Yep! That sure is the pony I got the pouch from!

That's amazing! How did you know where he'd be?

Maud

[deadpan] Maud Sense.

Runs in the family!

Pinkie Pie

[long high-pitched squeal, rapidly] You're moving to Ponyville! We'll live together and get bunk beds and I'll make us fuzzy slippers that say "Best Sister Friends Forever", although I probably can't fit all those words on a slipper, so maybe just "BSFF", but we don't have to decide right now because we'll be together all the time since when it comes to Ponyville, the doctor is in!

Maud Pie

[deadpan] Slow down, Pinkie Pie.

Pinkie Pie

Yooooouuuuu'rrrrrrrreeeeeeee mmmmmmmmmmooooooooovvvvvvvviiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnggggggg tttttttooooooo Pooooooooooonnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyvvvvvvviiiiiiilllllllleeeeeeeee....

Maud Pie

[deadpan] I'm not definitely moving to Ponyville.

Pinkie Pie

Of course you are, silly. You said... [imitating Maud] "There's nothing left to study back home on the rock farm, so I might move to Ponyville." [inflates, pop]

Maud Pie

[deadpan] I'm also considering Ghastly Gorge.

Pinkie Pie

[laughs] Classic Maud sense of humor! You should do stand-up!

Maud Pie

[deadpan] I do. But that wasn't a joke.

Pinkie Pie

Ghastly Gorge may have rocks, but our gem cave rocks!

Pinkie Pie

Huh? Huh? Oh, and look! You'll never know who you'll see!

[gasps] Maud, darling! It's lovely to see you again! Oh! Congratulations on your rocktorate. What are you doing now?

Maud Pie

[deadpan] Talking to you.

Maud Pie

[deadpan] I found one.

Oh, you're an absolute darling! This will surely make my gown stand out at Countess Coloratura's album release party. Do you know how rare this is?

Pinkie Pie

Just another day in Ponyville!

Maud Pie

[deadpan] That's actually a really common gem.

Huh?

Maud Pie

[deadpan] These are all really common gems.

Pinkie Pie

They are? Uh, I mean, heh, come on! Of course they are! That's why I didn't bring you here to impress you! I wanted to make sure you had a chance to, heh, say "hello" to your old pal... Spike!

Maud Pie

[deadpan] Hello, Spike.

Starlight Glimmer

Psst! Do you know a lot about rocks?

Maud Pie

[deadpan] Yes.

Starlight Glimmer

Have you ever come across some kind of super-powerful stone that can store the cutie mark magic of... I don't know... an entire village?

Maud Pie

[deadpan] Yep. In the big cave.

Maud Pie

[deadpan] What do you call an Alicorn with no wings and no horn? [beat] Earth pony.

Pinkie Pie

[laughs]

Maud Pie

[deadpan] But seriously, being an Earth pony isn't so bad. We've got magic powers, too. Like walking around. And picking stuff up with our teeth.

Maud Pie

[deadpan] That's sarcasm, by the way.

Pinkie Pie

[laughs] That's funny, 'cause it's true!

Maud Pie

[deadpan] Pinkie, the reason I've been so busy is that I have a boyfriend now.

Pinkie Pie

A wha...?!

Maud Pie

[deadpan] A boyfriend.

Pinkie Pie

A wha...?!

Maud Pie

[deadpan] A boyfriend.

Pinkie Pie

A wha...?!

Maud Pie

[deadpan] A boyfriend.

Pinkie Pie

That's so exciting! My sister, in love!

Maud Pie

[deadpan] Technically, we're in "like".

Pinkie Pie

I'm... really into sticks, too! They're great for hitting piñatas! Huh?

Maud Pie

[deadpan] Pinkie...

Pinkie Pie

Oh. You wanna go first?

Mudbriar

That is stick abuse.

Twilight Sparkle

Um, Maud? Can I ask you a question?

Maud Pie

[deadpan] You just did.

Applejack

Well, can I ask you a question?

Maud Pie

[deadpan] You just did.

Rainbow Dash

[groans] Fine! How about if I ask you a— Wait.

Oh, for goodness' sakes! Maud. All of your sister's things are gone. Explain.

Maud Pie

[deadpan] No, they're not. They're right here.

Fluttershy

Have you seen Pinkie Pie?

Maud Pie

Lots of times. I grew up with her.