Discord quotes from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Lord Tirek

You've gathered up all of them?

Discord

And her little dragon, too.

Fluttershy

Why are you doing this? I thought we were friends.

Discord

Oh, we were. But Tirek offered me so much more than just tea parties. Surely, you saw this coming.

Fluttershy

[crying] I didn't. I really didn't.

Discord

Wait a minute, where's my throne?!

Fluttershy

I don't think you're quite there, yet.

Discord

[chuckles sheepishly] Yes, well, I suppose not.

Discord

Knock knock! [no one responds] You're supposed to say 'Who's there?' This is the most basic of jokes! [smashes a watermelon]

Maud

You're the most basic of jokes. [everypony laughs]

(laughing) Good one, Maud! (laughs more)

Discord

Fun? With sidekicks? Oh, you must think that we're in a dimension where everything is opposite. [snap] "Da-dee-la! I'm Opposite Discord, and I want to hang out with Spike and Big Mac! I'm sure I'd have fun!"

Well, guess what, Sassafras?! I'm Opposite Fluttershy, and I'm sick of being nice and quiet all the time!

Discord

[hushed] They took Fluttershy?

Starlight

Yes!

Discord

[menacingly] Where?

Starlight

The Changeling Kingdom. With you on our side, I can—

Discord

[snaps fingers]

Fluttershy

[sniffs, crying] No. You're right. There's no way you should trust me. Just go find the others. [wailing] I understand!

Discord

Oh, come on!

[crying]

We're probably all changelings. You shouldn't rescue any of us. Unless, you think, maybe one of us might be the real Fluttershy. Oh, that certainly would be a nasty changeling trick, wouldn't it?

[crying]

I'm the real one.

I'm the real one.

I'm the real Fluttershy.

Twilight Sparkle

Starlight, Trixie, Thorax, and Discord were brave in the face of danger, resourceful when things got challenging, and proved that the bonds of friendship, no matter how unlikely, are stronger than any adversity. By stopping Queen Chrysalis, not only did they save Equestria; they set the changelings free from her reign.

Discord

Go, Discord! Yahoo! [laughs]

Starlight Glimmer

[giggles]

Princess Celestia

And that's why we're proud and honored to give them the Equestrian Pink Hearts of Courage!

Discord

I'm a realist. And love, like all things warm and fuzzy, isn't real.

Spike

Aw, come on. You act tough, but deep down, you're a softie. I mean, you don't have tea with Fluttershy every weekend because you like tea.

Spike

Wow. You're really going all out to cheer up Big Mac. I'm impressed.

Discord

Yes, yes, I'm amazing.

Spike

Seriously?! Discord, come on! I can't believe you!

Discord

Who do you think broke Sugar Belle's wagon wheel?

Starlight Glimmer

This is your first time at our new school, isn't it?

Oh, was I not invited to the grand opening?

Friends and Family Day?

Baccalaureate?

I hadn't noticed.

Starlight Glimmer

You hired a tree as a teacher?!

Discord

Its schedule was free.

Spike

What's your problem?

Discord

My problem? How is the fact that Twilight decided to put an incompetent, power-hungry unicorn in charge of her school my problem?!

Discord

[weakly] Listen to me... you don't need me. You don't need the princesses, and you certainly don't need the elements. [coughs] Fluttershy, you will always be kind. Applejack, you will always be honest. Rarity, you'll always be generous. And Rainbow Dash will be loyal as can be. Pinkie will always bring laughter wherever she goes. And Twilight, you are and always will be the embodiment of magic. You lost sight of what's in front of you. You're here, together, willing to give everything you've got for Equestria. Nothing and nopony can ever take that away from you... because that's who you are.

[laughs] It's going to take more than a sentimental speech to save you.

Twilight Sparkle

Discord's right. We've proven time and time again that the real magic is the six of us working together!

You should be.

Twilight Sparkle

You may knock us down, but we're gonna get back up again! [another fire; she blocks it] And again! [and another] And again! As long as we're together, we will never stop trying to defeat you!

Fluttershy

For our friends!

For our families!

For our home!

Twilight Sparkle

For Equestria!!!

NO! This can't be possible! Your magic can't defeat mine!! I DESTROYED THE SOURCE OF YOUR POWER!!!

Twilight Sparkle

You can't destroy our friendship, Sombra!

Rainbow Dash

And we keep telling bad guys...

Applejack

But y'all just don't seem to remember.

FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! [disintegrates into nothingness]