[Stottlemeyer shooes away an officer with mismatched socks]
Ah. Okey-dokey, bad man all gone. He's directing traffic on Ridgewood Avenue.
No, he didn't understand. I've known you a long time, Adrian, and I don't understand.
Can we just focus on the work now?
All right. It's 12:30, the place is packed. Everybody's having a good time. Then the perp, dressed in black, comes down the fire escape, and leaps down.
Wait a minute, he leaps down?
Yep. [points] Now the maitre'd is here, trying to call 911 on his cell phone. He confronts the perp, the perp does a spin move... [spins and lifts up his foot; imitating the killer] Hits the phone out of the maitre'd's hand.
At this point, pulls a gun, fires one round, right through the guy's heart - killshot. [imitates pulling a gun]
From here? What is that, thirty feet?
Thirty-four. I know, that's a hell of a shot. We pulled that slug out of the planter box.
Look at this. [He shows Monk an evidence bag containing the recovered bullet]
[incredulous] What did he use? A cannon?
That's a .454 from a Ruger Casull.
They use it on safaris, to stop elephants.
[looks at his notes] Uh, his name is Sergei Cluvarias. They're running it now.
Table's set for two. Who was his date?
Some broad. She ran off. We'll have a sketch soon. [Monk looks at the table]
Uh-huh. Where is the sugar?
Sugar? [We see a close up of the empty sugar bowl, with just a trace of unrefined sugar lining it]
The sugar cubes. This bowl's empty. All the other bowls are full.
You're right. What's that mean?
I don't know. What about the cashier?
No, showed zero interest. This wasn't about money.
Or it was, and he got scared away. [Monk picks up something off another table with his fingers]
Randy! [Randy comes back with an evidence bag]
Well, the getaway, which is why you're here. I thought this might be right up your alley.
No pun intended. [Stottlemeyer and Monk shoot a nasty glare at Randy]
Shecky, can I continue? All right. For once, the witnesses are all on the same page: they all saw the perp jump to this table, and then leaped up to this bar [He gestures to show the killer's actions] …and did a somersault, and then over the valet, runs down the street and makes a left turn down the alley.
[Monk looks on]
Is there a circus in town?
A circus? [An officer hands something to Randy]
Ha ha. Circus. That makes a lot of sense. [Randy turns to them]
We just got a positive on the victim. He's the master of ceremony at the Dratch & Denby Traveling Circus.
[Monk, Sharona, Stottlemeyer and Disher have arrived at the Dratch & Denby Travelling Circus]
Oh, wow! Dratch & Denby Circus. Founded in 1947. They do 400 shows a year in 65 different towns. Cool!
[Monk recoils from a fireblower, but keeps on moving]
[laughs dryly] Payroll, 240 people.
Yeah, and he's using the term "people" very loosely. [a bearded lady and a weight-lifting woman walk past Stottlemeyer. Just then someone bangs into Sharona]
I'm not really in my comfort zone here.
Yes, I have a comfort zone. [He jumps as a woman snake-charmer sticks a python in his face]
I've never seen your comfort zone.
It's not very big. It's, uh... [tries to size it up with his hands]...it's kind of small. I-I don't have a comfort zone.
Well, we follow the gun. There's a Ruger Casull handgun registered to an employee here.
Yeah, his name's Nikolai Petroff. He's, uh, one of the animal trainers.
You go on ahead. We're going to poke around on our own.
All right. Meet you back here in a bit, but stay out of trouble. [Randy gets side-tracked by one of the carnival stalls where a kid is ready to shoot for a prize with a toy rifle. He asks to try it and Stottlemeyer watches him in disbelief]
Randy! [Randy reluctantly walks away from the midway game]
[Monk and Sharona talk to Arianna Dakkar, the horse trainer]
ADAriana Dakkar
Ariana Dakkar.
Miss Dakkar, we're investigating the death of Sergei Cluvarias.
ADAriana Dakkar
Why talk to me?
You were with him last night, weren't you? At the cafe when he was killed.
ADAriana Dakkar
Who told you that?
No one told me. You shouldn't have taken all the sugar cubes from the table.
ADAriana Dakkar
I shouldn't have run away, I know, but I was scared. I was sure she was going to kill me, too.
"She"? You think the killer was a woman? [Ariana's demeanour changes]
ADAriana Dakkar
I don't think anything. I know exactly who it was! I know she was crazy, but I never thought she would try something in public.
ADAriana Dakkar
Natasia Lovara. She calls herself The Queen of The Sky.
ADAriana Dakkar
Sergei's ex-wife. Jealous bitch! [As she continues to talk, she goes off to reach into her purse for a grooming impliment] She couldn't stand the thought of him having a life. If she's miserable, everybody else has to be miserable. She tried to kill him before, six months ago, but there wasn't enough evidence to indict her.
If you know who did it, why didn't you go to the police?
Because she was afraid. You're not a citizen yet, but you're about to take your naturalization test, and you didn't want to draw attention to herself.
ADAriana Dakkar
How did you know that?
The pamphlet in your bag. You're studying the U.S. Constitution, something no citizen would ever do. Good luck, by the way.
ADAriana Dakkar
Thank you, Mr. Monk.
[Stottlemeyer and Disher find Nikolai Petroff, as he tends to one of the leopards]
NPNikolai Petroff
Who's asking? [Disher flashes his badge]
This shiny little piece of metal's asking. Are you Nikolai Petroff?
NPNikolai Petroff
Are you trying to scare me, huh? This pussycat weighs a couple of hundred pounds. It could rip me apart in a heartbeat! I ain't scared of her. [laughs] You think I'm scared of you? [Stottlemeyer steps in front of Randy]
Excuse me. You may not be scared of the Lieutenant, but you've got plenty of reason to be scared of me, 'cause I got a little cage like that downtown. It's not much bigger than that, actually, and it's not a whole lot friendlier, and if you obstruct my investigation, sir, for one moment further, you're going to spend some time in it. What's your name?
NPNikolai Petroff
Yeah, okay. I'm Nikolai Petroff. Can we make this fast? I have a show in thirty minutes.
You're not going to cancel the show after what happened?
NPNikolai Petroff
Most people around here are celebrating.
Really? I take it Sergei wasn't very well-liked?
NPNikolai Petroff
Not by me. Well, it's no secret. You're going to find out anyway. Until last week, I was with Ariana.
The woman he was with last night.
NPNikolai Petroff
To hell with both of them.
What is it you do around here?
NPNikolai Petroff
I'm a wrangler. Anton the Great goes into the cage. I watch his back.
You watch his back, so you've got a gun in case there's a problem.
NPNikolai Petroff
That's right.
And that gun's a .454 Ruger Casull?
NPNikolai Petroff
That's right.
[He pulls down the tarp of his case and notice that someone has smashed the lock]
NPNikolai Petroff
What happened?
NPNikolai Petroff
I swear to God I checked it last night. [He goes for the trunk, but Randy steps in and takes over. He bends down, and with an orchestrated manuever to barely touch the sides to avoid prints, he pops the trunk]
Sir, sir, just step back, please. [The spot for the gun is empty. All that is present is an indentation in the shape of a revolver]
NPNikolai Petroff
Where is it?
I was hoping you could tell me. Phone it in, get S.I.D. down here right away. You, sir, are going to have to find somebody else to feed your kitty cat. You're coming with me.
[Nikolai Petroff is being questioned at the police station]
A leopard and panther wrangler.
Yep, he works with the leopards and the panthers, and he's got a .454 Ruger Casull handgun, which he says he can't find.
He had the hots for the horse trainer the vic was seeing. And get this - he's a trapeze artist wannabe. He's been practicing. They say he's pretty good. [Randy takes a sip of his coffee]
And that's how we spell primary suspect.
Well, yeah, he works in the circus.
What's that supposed to mean?
They're freaks. They're all ambidextrous.
Circus people are ambidextrous. I read that somewhere.
I like the ex-wife. You should have seen her. She's cold as ice.
Cold as ice with a broken foot.
A bad temper with a broken foot.
You keep coming back to the foot!
Monk, the killer did a somersault, and then ran away in front of witnesses.
That's precisely why I think it's her. Why else would the killer jump around like that in front of witnesses? [Sharona suddenly grabs his bottle of Sierra Springs] There's only one reason - to prove... [Monk looks stunned as Sharona takes a big swig from his bottle]...prove that she couldn't. [She places it firmly back in his hand with a loud sigh of satisfaction, then wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. She glares at him]
Okay, as I was saying, she has a broken foot.
It's in a cast. We don't know if it's really broken.
We haven't exactly been sleeping here, Monk. Lieutenant?
[glances at his notepad] Her story checks out. She broke her left foot two weeks ago in Kansas City. [enter black and white flashback as Randy voices over] She always ended the show with something she called the triple tailspin. [We see Natasia doing her tailspin, but she fails to grab the next performer's legs and falls to the ground] You know, it's her specialty move. Anyway, she, uh, missed the bar or something and fell 25 feet [She hits the ground, writhing in pain, terrifying the crowd], in front of 750 pretty freaked out people.
Ahem. She missed the net?
No, she's a Romani gypsy. They don't believe in doctors. She set the bone herself.
So she never saw a doctor, which means a doctor never saw her. Captain.
All right, Monk. Lieutenant, see if our Queen of the Sky will consent to an X-ray.
Fine. [walks out of the room, visibly unhappy at Monk]
You're welcome. [Monk offers his bottle of Sierra Springs over to Sharona, who just glares at him]
You want to finish it? [Stottlemeyer walks up to the, and takes the offered bottle Monk is still holding out with a sarcastic face to Sharona]
You know, when Karen and I were having trouble last year, we went to a marriage counselor, a guy named Mosely. Decent guy. He didn't help us much, but I'm sure Karen has the number if you'd like it.
We're not married, and if we ever get married, shoot me!
You know who you should never marry? The Elephant Man!
I'd marry the Elephant Man before I married you!
[While catching up with Natasia while stalking her, Monk accidentally causes a tower of performers to fall over]
Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
NLNatasia Lovara
Don't worry about them. They know how to fall. It's the first thing we learn. You brought your camera, Mr. Monk. [Monk regains his composure]
Oh, sure. I love it here. It's so upbeat.
NLNatasia Lovara
You hate it here. You think I can walk. You're trying to catch me.
NLNatasia Lovara
You saw the x-rays, Mr. Monk. How can I walk on this? I'm curious. What is your theory?
Some people have a very high threshold for pain. They can take it.
NLNatasia Lovara
Mm, nice try, but any doctor will tell you it's impossible. Besides, I was married to Sergei for 15 years. That's enough pain for a lifetime.
You fell two weeks ago. Is that right?
NLNatasia Lovara
Your point?
Your cast looks – looks like new. No scuff marks. It's not even discolored.
NLNatasia Lovara
Again, nice try. My old one was itching.
NLNatasia Lovara
So I put a new one on four days ago. [An organ playing fanfare is heard] The show is about to begin. You are missing it.
You're wrong, Natasia. I'm not missing a thing.
[Stottlemeyer notices Randy looking down into one of the air cannons]
What exactly does "bingo" mean, Randy?
We got the murder weapon. .454 Ruger Casull. [Stottlemeyer opens the side cabinet to the cannon, as a bewildered Randy looks up at him with his flashlight. In embarrassment he turns it off. The captain reaches in with a handkerchief, grabs the revolver by its trigger, and smells it]
Now, that's been fired recently.
Nope, it's been oiled down. How'd it get in there?
It's the backup cannon. The cannonball guy says anybody could have dropped it in. They haven't used it in a week. [The cannonball man is giving Randy an aggravated look, they being very impatient]
Backup cannon? Good lord! Get that down to ballistics. Put it on the fast track. [He gives the gun to another detective behind him and closes the hatch]
CGCannonball Guy
Excuse me. Are you guys about done?
Sir, could you step back? This is official police business!
CGCannonball Guy
Maybe I should come to your office and root through your stuff! How'd you like that, huh? [Randy just glares angrily off into space as Stottlemeyer walks over to him]
[Monk summarizes the case, and a nearby clown imitates Monk and Stottlemeyer.]
NLNatasia Lovara
Like Tolstoy, you know how to tell a clever story, but you need proof. The elephant isn't talking. Anyone could have put that radio thing in her ear.
Randy, take that thing down to the lab straight away.
[Floppy the clown motions Randy out]
I don't think they'll find any prints. She's too smart. I'm sure she wiped it down... [Natasia looks smug] Then again, that walkie looks brand new, which means she had to put batteries in it. [The smug look fades.] You did remember to wipe your prints off the batteries, didn't you, Natasia?
FCFloppy the Clown
[makes honking sound, mimes drawing a gun with hands] Wocka wocka!
All right, that's it, freak. You're under arrest! [handcuffs the clown]
FCFloppy the Clown
For what?!
For impersonating an officer!
[Natasia manages to kick Monk in the shins and starts to make her getaway]
[Monk wants to go home a few minutes after they arrived]
I don't think it's my turn to suck it up, I think it's your turn to suck it up.
Hey, why don't you both suck it up?
Excuse me! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Well, you should. Come here.
