Stupid, Dumb, Dildo, Jack-off, Jerk, Tits, Ass! [stops] What's this? *Gasps* [sees a flyer that reads: Guitar Lessons from Guitar Master! All styles!- Contact: Dimneld Selftcark. Toki rips a piece of paper from the flyer. He reads the name aloud.] Dim..neld..Selft..cark...
Gots to have lessons from you!
Oh yeah! [Looks around.] Oh no.
Where’s your guitar, boy?
Thinks I lefts it at the Urban Outfitters.
Hmm…Can I be honest with you? I don’t think you got it kid. I don’t think you got the discipline. To be great, it takes lots of practice, and you either got that fire in your belly, or you don’t.
But I dos! I dos! Looks, I needs my own guitar identitys. You gots to help me, Mr. Selftcark!
Only, if you promise me you’ll go all the way. No short-cuts. No bull. All, or nothin’!
It appears as if certain members of Dethklok are taking music lessons. Allow me to officially introduce Vater Orlaag, political and spiritual specialist.
Having two guitarists in the same band is potentially destructive by itself but when one attempts to take away the other's status, HA HA God help us. The clashing of these egos is like two warrior titans, it's like Clash of the Titans! [no response] Clash...of the Titans.
[Nathan, Murderface and Pickles are outside Skwisgaar's room] Okay you two, being a dick takes a lot of work. The objective guys, is to drive somebody crazy.
PNPickles & Nathan
Yeah, alright.
Skwisgaar's in there practicing away, let's drive him crazy. Follow my lead, and try to keep up...
[in a very high pitched voice] So uh... sounds like Toki's really gettin' going over there with a new guitar teacher!
[also high pitched] Yeah, I went by his room... dude. He was doing stuff on that guitar, I was like, 'What? I ain't never heard nothin' like that!'
[still high pitched] I was like, 'Are you speeding up a tape with a guitar solo on there?!'
[very robotic in his voice] I-was-like-that-too! But-then-I-found-out-that-he-was-not!
[high pitched] No, he wasn't! He was really doin' it!
[high pitched] Hey- OH, HI, SKWISGAAR!
[has stopped playing and has been listening to them] So he's getting prettys good, huh?
[normal voice] Yes, he's getting quite good.
If you don't minds, I maybe wants to bes by myself for a second?
[muffled through the door] NOOOOOOOOO!
You remembered my birthday. Gimme a hug. I can't Believe you remembered my birth- [coughs]
Just my way of saying thanks. Just...my way of saying...thanks.
[livid] IS DIS HIMS?! DIS PIECE OF TRASH?! DAT'S WHAT YOU ARE, YOU KNOW DAT? YOU LIVES INSIDES A GARBAGE CAN!
SKWISGAAR! NO! HE'S LIKE A FATHER-FRIEND!
Oh yeah? Dis garbage can? Right here? Dat your friend-father? Well, It's either hims, or the band.
I hears by performs citizens ban-firing! Effective NNNNNNNOW!!
AW! YOU CAN'TS DO THAT! YOU NEEDS TO PRESENT IT TO THE BAND CONGRESS FIRST TO GETS THE TWO-THIRDS VOTE!
I wills begins the paper work! Good day!
OOffdensen
I can not, in good faith, sign off on this citizen's firing.
OOffdensen
Because, uh, some of the other band mates neglected to vote.
I said it once, and I’ll say it again: Voting sucks!
I was actually the president of the voting-sucks club in high school.
Well, I never got re-elected.
OOffdensen
Well, Toki, I don’t know what to say. Either you work this out with Skwisgaar, or you’ll have a bigger decision to make.
No, I nots works its out! [leaves the room.]
See? See! Right there! I can’ts even talks to him! He’s unrationals!
OOffdensen
Well..there you go.
Thanks you. And nows, I demonstrates the name of the string. Dis one i-is an E. And uh, Dere’s another E, heres, and the G, and the P, and the C. Those are what’s called, the fret. [gets nervous] Dat’s, Dat’s not a string, but its, its near the string and- uh, nevermind dat, lets..play the scale, dat’s the major scales on the guitars, string, [heart beats faster.] No! I can’ts dos this!
Can’ts do this anymore master, I can’ts take more piano lessons!
Whatever! I just wish I could be...[cries]
Shhhhh…shhh. It’s just as well. I’m dying boy. I’m dying. [coughs]
Toki! Stop! I wants yous to have this. Dis is ans importance to you. Dat you have, a magical things with dat guys right there, and I now know, dat you never gots good at guitars. So, its ok for you to have dis relations-ips.
[from a balcony] HEY! OVER HERE! I'M SORRY! I KNOW IT WAS WRONG TO HAVE MANIPULATED YOU! IF I COULD TAKE IT BACK I WOULD! I WAS WRONG!
Skwisgaar! Yous were afraids that I was better than you?
[also from a balcony] STOP! OVER HERE! DON'T QUIT THE BAND TOKI! I'M SORRY! I SHOULDN'T HAVE MANIPULATED THE SITUATION!
IT'S NATHAN! UM I ALREADY SAID ALL THAT STUFF, LIKE, ALREADY.
Yes Toki. Deh bands needs you. Even thoughs you don'ts do nothing.
[also from a balcony] STOOOOP! I'M SORRY! SORRY ABOUT BEING A DICK BUT SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO SUPPRESS THE URGE OF RUINING OTHER PEOPLES LIVES! WHY DOESN'T EVERY ONE OF YOU JUST GO KILL YOURSELF, IDIOTS! I'M SORRY I'M JUST BEING A DICK!
Wowee. You really are...my family.
Boy...I just wanna say one thing before I go. I love you boy. [coughs] I...love...yee- [dies]
BBoy
[on his computer] Aww, cool! Dethklok mp3s! [a message appears on his computer] "You are downloading this album ILLEGALLY! The consequences are GRAVE!" HA HA HA! Yeah right! CLICK! Aww, this is gonna take a while, what should I do in the mean time? Eh, I guess I'll jack off.
Now! Go! [the Klokateers break into the boy's room and taze him]
BBoy
MOMMY-Y-YY-! [gets put to sleep with a bag]
Gentlemen, Dethklok has taken the law into its own hands.
But they are well within their rights, General Crozier.
World leaders are smart enough to know they need to keep Dethklok happy, and so they did just that.
There is a purchase and thieving clause, that was backed by the United Nations this year, that allows Dethklok to act as a police force.
Just because the United Nations can be bought off doesn't mean it's right.
It's not about right or wrong, General. At this point, it simply is.
So that's just a rough mix of some of the stuff you've been uh...working on.
That's kinda nots too terriblys uh...wonderful is it now? Am I right?
No no no, it's not it's uh...dragging.
Yeah yeah, it's just...it's just too confining.
Sorry if we have very learn-ed sensitive musical ears.
Yeah. Toki is right, sorry if we got very good ears.
Uh...Murderface, that's Murderface, I'm Murderface, that's my name.
It sounds like microchips.
Yeah, Pickles is right you know. Who was clearly the one who said that.
I just said that, not Pickle!
Uh, that's a good Pickles impression that's for sure. Right Pickles?
I SAID "RIGHT PICKLLLLLLES!!!"
It sounds like microchips. In ones and zeros-
You guys are fucking deaf! You know that? You can't tell the difference between anything! Can you fucking hear me? DAMMIT CAN ANY OF YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?!
OK, we've moved all the tracks onto water, so you wanna take 5 on the horsing around?
....
Hey hey! Record this ready? Ready?
Okay. [recording sequence starts] Pbbbbbbbb ohhhh ahhhhh oh la la la la la la [claps five times] Play that back for me Pickles. [Pickles plays it back]
It's actually clearer than when he did it.
Hey play that back for me one more time, Pickles, just one more time. [Pickles does so] Yeah I gotta get a copy of that for myself. On water.
Yeah! Burn it on water! [more talking at once] I'm gonna throw up! RECORD IT I'M GONNA THROW UP!
Okay! Press record, record quick quick! [Knubbler pushes a button labeled "Record"; Murderface throws up]
Oh that's gonna sound good!
Yeah, I'm gonna add it to my water collection!
Why do they have us right here in front of all these dildos?
Yeah, I mean, we're like, right in front of everything.
Ya, it's likes, deys, gawking at us, likes, a bunch of fish that can'ts close their eyes.
Look at that guy. Right there.
Nathan:: Look at that douchebag.
Looks at thats douchebag!
STSkwisgaar/Toki/Murderface/Pickles
Douchebag, douchebag, douchebag, douchebag, douchebag, douchebag, douchebag...
I'm getting so irritated by these stupid fans!
OOffdensen
Ah, listen. I don't think it's a great idea for you guys to get too close to your doubles.
Why can't we have friends all of a sudden?
OOffdensen
You can. You just can't have them as friends.
Ohhh. He admits it sees. He's a tyrants sees.
OOffdensen
Do you understand the purpose of having doubles?
Yeah, I'll take this one guys. A double is like having the best friend you've had in your whole life. A double listens to you when no one in this crazy world will. A double is like having a child and watching him grow up and feeling that feeling of pride and unyielding trust that no one else can ever give you.
OOffdensen
They exist to so that if someone tries to kill you they will be killed instead.
Whoa what? I mean just thinking of those us as dead, I mean I'm going to cry I might seriously cry about that.
OOffdensen
That's why you don't get emotionally attached, Nathan.
