[dialing a number on his dethfone] Hey we just saw you on TV at the parade! It was awesome! [whispers] Hey when you get back, we're gonna have a surprise party!
Gimme the phone! Gimme the phone! Gimme the phone! Gimme the phone! [Murderface continues talking] Gimme the phone! GIMME THE PHONE!
HOLD ON! Here's Nathan. [gives phone to Nathan]
Hiiiiiii! WE JUST SAW YOU ON THE PARADE! IT WAS GREAT!
Oh yeah! WE'RE HAVING A PARTY FOR YOU WHEN YOU GET BACK!
[plugging his other ear] IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME!
Ask them what they want at the-
I will! I will! Hold on! Hold on!
We gets the bounce house!
Tell 'em about the BALLOONS!
WE'RE GONNA HAVE BALLOONS! [Offdensen enters the room] I gotta go, goodbye. [hangs up]
OOffdensen
What were you going on the phone? You're supposed to be doing your jobs.
Jobs? I play bass not to have a job!
OOffdensen
You're supposed to be preparing for the concert! Nathan, you're in charge. How's rehearsal going?
Well it umm... uhhh oh uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh good.
OOffdensen
What happened back there, huh? What was that?
(distressed) We no means it, it was accidenskal! We not at fault!
OOffdensen
"Blood Bath" does not read well in print, you know what I'm saying--
(yelling) WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIIIIIGHT!
Hold on, this guy doesn't look like me! He's hideous, he's grotesque, look at 'im!
OOffdensen
Actually, Murderface, he--
Look at that head, that disgusting forehead, that stupid-shaped hair, beady eyes, like, stupid flat nose, wide hammer-ass, chicken-plucked legs idiot! (addressing Offdensen) You need to get your eyes checked, you piece of shit! This guy doesn't look like me!
(dejectedly) Oh God, he looks just like me...
OOffdensen
Listen, great men throughout history have used doubles. Men who needed to stay alive for the greater good of their people, much like yourselves. Men like Winston Churchill, Joseph Stalin-
Awesome! I'm Stalin, I called it.
I wants to be Bill Cosby!
You ever think of just, you know, giving it all up?
Ah, you means, like, kills yourself.
No. What? No, I mean, like, stopping being famous, become a regular old jackoff.
...And so then kill yourself?
No, no, stopping being famou...yeah, you can kill yourself if you want to.
You know, it would be great, to walk down the street, and not be bothered for once.
I don't know, walk down the street, you know.
I don't know, walk to a store. Walk to a store.
Then buys it on the internet, have it delivered!
I know I can buy it on the internet, but what if I want to walk to the park, you know, and look at swans?
Well maybe you should have thought about that before you got famous!
OOffdensen
Well..uh, I'm afraid its time to say goodbye to your doubles.
OOffdensen
I know they are, Toki.
Then we do we gotta say goodbye to 'em?
OOffdensen
BECAUSE, Pickles, they no longer look like you, that was the point. Their skin is burned, they dont even have features.
What if we burned ourselves to look like dems! Dens maybes we could keeps them!
That would work! You know it would! Come on, lets burn ourselves!
OOffdensen
That is out of the question, Murderface, you are not going to burn-
Your out of the question!
OOffdensen
I'm afraid its time for you to, uh, say goodbye to your doubles now.
Let us do it, its better if they hear it from us. Because we're them, after all.
Ya know, theres never an easy ways to dos this.
Yeah, but ya know, sometimes, we're out of options, sometimes.
Ya know, business is not personal. And...in this case, its.. it is.. cause its us.. your us.. and..
Ugh. I hate having to say this, but...
Easy, easy, I got a smoother way of, uh, explaining it here. Guys, uh..I don't know..[begins digging into his pocket acting as if he is scratching] itch or cramp 'er something...pulls up his shotgun] See the thing is- [Murderface fires his gun]
My god, how can you eat that?!
(Mouthful) What are you talking about? This is a hot dog.
How can you even put that in your mouth?
Are you trying to tell me you've never had a hot dog?
No way, I ain't putting anything shaped like that in my mouth!
What about that sausage, that was cut up into little pieces?
Uh no, cause it looks- it's like a chopped up cock.
What about like a sandwich?
Yeah, if it were a flat sandwich.
Okay, what about a sandwich shapped like a dick?
NO, that's the point! What kind of sandwiches are shaped like dicks?!
(Chuckling) I don't know, like -
Man, you think about penises in mouths all the time, don't you?
Oh God, give me my wipes!
Well you did, yeah. Yeah you said- you said "Penis in mouth" about a hundred times today.
No, because it was like "Oh, you've never had a hot dog". I just wanted to say "No", and it would be fine. And then "Oh, what about this and what about that" and "No it's like a dick and no it's like a dick". You guys do it all!
Wow, you really keep thinking about dick all day long.
Yeah, you do. You keeps bringing up the subject.
YOU BRING IT UP! I just said I don't! No, I wanted it over. GOD!
I would eat the hot dogs. (Short Pause) Just putting it out there.
Hey, am I going crazy or these clothes tight, like extra tight?
Yeah, it feels like I'm this sausage, you know?
Oh, just stop with the innuedos, please?!
It wasn't even an in- I just said "You lept to a conclusion".
I do agree, these clothes are un-fucking-comfortable.
Okay. We gotta figure out this food bullshit. Toki, Skwisgaar, you guys did some online food research, lets hear it!
Okay. Everyone says ons dis page, dats we gots to cuts out thems carbobydrates.
Yeah, no mores of thems carbokikrates.
Oh you know, uh pisgetti...uh...
Uh, paper towels...you know...
Oh, well that's easy! No more of that stuff, that's cool. You know?
Well, can't we have at least like a little bread?
I mean we don't have to be like hunger nazi's to our stomachs.
I know that's reasonable, like a sandwich here or there.
All rights, you know...uh whatever...uh yeah okay...it also says, dats we... the less foods we eats....the mores less fats we gets on ourselves.
So...we starve ourselves a little.
Hey. What if we just ate like one really big meal. And then just eat nothing the rest of the day?
Yeah, that sounds like it'll works.
Yeah that's good I guess.
Maybe we should eat that meal right before we go to sleep. So there's just nothing left to do but digest.
That sounds like a good idea. So you could just sleep it off.
...losing weight by sleeping.
Hey how about Popsicles? That's like for snack? So we're not having our really big meal- just Popsicles.
Dude, ain't that the shape of a you-know-what?
[muttering] Yeah...like Popsicles are just like water...
Guys, I don'ts thinks that sounds rights, does Popsicle-
SKWISGAAR! SKWISGAAR! Popsicles are like drinking a glass of water, okay?! What are we supposed to do, cut out water too?!
Yeah, what are we supposed to do on a hot day? What? Not eat popsicles?
How could you not eat a Popsicle?!
All right, all right. Popskockles we cans have.
All right let me get this straight. One really big meal a day, then we go to sleep, no paper towels but a little bit of bread because we're not nazis, and as many popsicles as we want.
Dudes...[chuckling] We're on a diet.
GOD I'M STARTING TO GET REALLY HUNGRY!
LET'S GET SOMETHING TO EAT!
I'LL GET A PEPPERONI PIZZA!
