Allow me to quote from your official student handbook "Abstinence Saves Lives." And what guarantees abstinence better than self-love? Constant, never-ending self-love? I ask you to look at this young man. Would you rather he do what he did or be out there breeding?
S10 E23Bud Hits The Books
I think I may have been a little too harsh on my son. After all, the only thing he really did wrong was go in the library in the first place. The rest was totally understandable. I mean, we men have our needs. It's women who tell us these things are wrong. And why? Because they want to take away the only good sex we have.
S10 E24Kiss Of The Coffee Woman
If I was a hot young chick, I couldn't keep my hands off myself.
Well, I guess that makes you a hot young chick.
Jefferson, can I have a word with you in our own kitchen by the recently sharpened knives?
Hey, what's the bed for?
DDirector
Come on, Mr. Bundy! You're a married man.
What's the bed for?
S10 E25Torch Song Duet
Daddy, wanna know what I think?
Oh, this should be good.
Now, like a great eastern religion says, it's all about striking a balance between the ping and the pong.
Go get my noose, boy.
Oh, Daddy you're so good. I'm sure in your next life you're gonna be re-incarcerated.
S10 E26The Joke's On Al
[answering machine message] Hi, you've reached Kelly. Please leave a message at the tone. If you're a girl calling for Bud: Hi, Mom.
[Jefferson has just came into the Bundy house with sweats on, covering a toilet seat stuck to butt.]
Mark my words, Al. As soon as I can sit down and think of something, you will pay.
[Al, Bud and Kelly laughs at Jefferson as he tries to exit the Bundy Home.]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Married... with Children pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.