Chloe Decker quotes from Lucifer

Chloe

Only you could turn a tragic death into an excuse to talk about you.

Lucifer

Well, who else would I talk about?

Chloe

Where have you been?

Lucifer

Ah, you know me—busy, busy, No rest for the wicked.

Chloe

Right. 'Cause deviant foreplay is so time-consuming.

Maze

Want to watch?

Chloe

What happened?

Lucifer

Well…where do I begin? With the grandest fall in the history of time? Or perhaps the far more agonizing punishment that followed? To be blamed for every morsel of evil humanity's endured, every atrocity committed in my name? As though I wanted people to suffer. All I ever wanted was to be my own man here. To be judged for my own doing. And for that? I've been shown how truly powerless I am. That even the people trusted—the one person, you—could be used to hurt me.

Chloe

Just pretend you don't know Lucifer.

Dan

I already like it.

Lucifer

Goodness gracious, great balls of fire.

Chloe

Lucifer.

Lucifer

I mean, I've heard of hot pants, but this really brings new meaning to the term "fire crotch," doesn't it?

Chloe

Lucifer.

Lucifer

Wait. I have more. "Smokey Bobinson". "Weekend at Burnie's".

Ella Lopez

His burning bush?

Lucifer

Oh, very good! That was actually me, by the way, so don't tell anyone.

Lucifer

[about a video platform's content moderators] So you think seeing someone they recognized in one of these twisted videos finally made them snap?

Chloe

Maybe it awakened something in them. Something that was always there just fighting to get out.

Lucifer

[scoffs] But... they were just trying to do a job. A job no one else wanted.

Chloe

Well, maybe they chose that for a reason.

Lucifer

Nobody chooses to be a sin-eater, Detective! [calmer] No one wants to be custodian of the world's filth. Why would they? Absorbing the worst humanity has to offer, day in and day out,... It changes you.

Chloe

So you think it's the job's fault that they started to punish?

Lucifer

People don't arrive broken. They start with passion and yearning, until something comes along that disabuses them of those notions.

Chloe

How'd you get in here?

Maze

Let's just say Samantha at the front desk is no longer into men.

Chloe

You're a very, very deranged person.

Maze

Thanks.

Chloe

He had a drug problem, right?

Lucifer

Well, only if you consider ingesting millions of dollars of cocaine a problem. I call it a Tuesday. But apparently it's frowned upon.

Lucifer

For the next day or so, I'm going to need you to be unpredictable. Whatever you normally do, just do the opposite.

Chloe

Too bad. I was totally going to have sex with you today.

Lucifer

Really? [smiles, then realizes] ... Oh. Well played, Detective.

Chloe

So, you used to be married to an action star, only to divorce him and marry another action star?

Yeah, it was the 90s. We did a lot of coke.

Chloe

You look like hell.

Lucifer

Not heard that before.

Lucifer

Detective, I found you a lead.

Chloe

Where--in her mouth?

Lucifer

Yes, actually. Imagine what I can find in other orifices.

Chloe

Are you drunk?

Lucifer

I wish. Pesky supernatural metabolism keeps getting in the way.

Chloe

Seriously? A sex swing?

Maze

I know, right? Wanna hop on?