Ella Lopez quotes from Lucifer

Ella

You a believer? [Amenadiel nods] Well, then whatever it is you're going through, I'm sure it's all part of His plan. I mean, even the most pathetic, sad sack powerless creatures serve a purpose. Like Leo here [a piece of squirrel roadkill]. A van may have cracked his nuts in the middle of the desert, but he's still valuable evidence. That's the thing. You never know when your rock-bottom pain and humiliation can end up helping others. I mean, God works in mysterious ways. So, you just gotta believe that when He crushes your nuts, He does it for a reason.

Ella

Stop! "Hammer time!" [off Chloe and Lucifer's looks] 'She was killed with a hammer! Come on, guys, I've been waiting years to do that one.

Ella

[upset that Lucifer did't say goodbye to her] As far as I'm concerned, Lucifer can, well,... He can go to Hell.

Ella

Aragorn, that's not your sword. [to Chloe and Michael, embarrassed] I'm.. I'm totally awake. I'm awake.

Ella

You know what? No. I am not even gonna ask this time. Because you two are "The Couple Who Cried 'Relationship'", and I am not asking.

Lucifer

Goodness gracious, great balls of fire.

Chloe

Lucifer.

Lucifer

I mean, I've heard of hot pants, but this really brings new meaning to the term "fire crotch," doesn't it?

Chloe

Lucifer.

Lucifer

Wait. I have more. "Smokey Bobinson". "Weekend at Burnie's".

Ella Lopez

His burning bush?

Lucifer

Oh, very good! That was actually me, by the way, so don't tell anyone.

Ella

Come clean with me. Or I can't keep this a secret anymore.

Lucifer

You see, that's just it. The last person I came clean with became a tad untethered.

Ella

Dude, I grew up in Detroit.

Ella

That's why great ideas come in the shower.

Lucifer

For me, it's usually women.

Ella

Favors are about faith.

Lucifer

Ugh. Please don't ruin favors for me.

Chloe

Who's Todd Cornwell?

Ella

Exacty. Todd Cornwell... Class loner, acne, Coke-bottle glasses, whole bit. Went to college overseas, and when I stalked Kathleen's classmates online, Todd was the only one with zero social media presence.

Chloe

Lucifer. You could go as Todd.

Dan

Yeah. No, seriously. Look, he looks just like you.

Lucifer

Has all that masturbation finally caught up with your eyesight, Daniel? No one would believe that, even if I tell them I've had a face and body transplant.

Lucifer

[staring right into Ella's eyes] I'm the Devil.

Chloe

[growing concerned] Lucifer, what are you doing?

Lucifer

Detective, it's time Miss Lopez finally knew the truth. [to Ella, still holding her eyes] I am the angel who led a rebellion against my Father, God. I was banished to Hell afterwards where I ruled as King over the souls of the damned.

Ella

[softly] Lucifer, it all makes sense now.

Ella

Dammit, I tried to keep a straight face, I really did. Man. How? How do you stay in character like that?

Lucifer

[strained amusement] Well, it's simple really. It's all true.

Ella

[explaining a reality show prop] This... is the Teflon Totem. Only one... is hidden on The Cabin per season. You find this bad boy and you are safe from elimination. Guess where I found it.

Lucifer

Well, if it keeps you safe from elimination, I'd say tucked right up in the--

Ella

Melinda's pocket! Isn't that crazy?

Chloe

[referring to the victim] Okay, Ella, what do we have?

Ella

BlueBallz.

Lucifer

You, too?

Ella

Oh, my God, Maze. I know what you're doing, okay? And pretending to be me is stupid. I... I am clearly no role model. I'm just a magnet for losers. [points to the Bad Boy she had been kissing]

Bitch [leaves]

Ella

See?

Maze

Well, I was just you for two full hours, and being genuinely nice like that... literally the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. But maybe you're right, Ella. If all you think you deserve is some loser like that... maybe I should learn from someone else.

Ella

Time wouldn't change the fact that you are a cold-blooded murderer.

Good point, but you gotta admit, we have a lot in common.

Ella

We're nothing alike.

Eh, I wouldn't be so sure. [pauses] There is darkness in you, Ella. I recognized it the very first moment that we met.