Amenadiel quotes from Lucifer

Amenadiel

You sure you don't want to chase after her? Maybe I can ask Father for some rain and make it a moment.

Lucifer

Oh Amenadiel, how's it hanging big guy? huh?

Amenadiel

Your return to the underworld has been requested.

Lucifer

Oh, right. Okay. Let me just, uh…check my calendar. Yeah, here it is. Uh…the 7th of Never through to the 15th of Ain't Gonna Happen. How's that work for you guys? Ah, look…remind Dad that I quit Hell because I was sick and tired of playing a part in His play.

Amenadiel

I'm gonna warn you against disrespecting our Father, Lucifer.

Lucifer

Yeah, well, our Father's been disrespecting me since the beginning of time, so pot-kettle, don't you think?

Amenadiel

You…are a mockery of everything divine.

Lucifer

Thank you. Thank you but, lately I've been doing a fair amount of thinking, now do you think I'm the devil because I'm inherently evil just because dear old Dad decided I was?

Amenadiel

What exactly do you think happens when the devil leaves Hell? All of those demons, all of those tormented and tortured souls, where do you think they go?

Lucifer

Don't know, don't care, not my problem brother, so consider the position officially open (takes a sip of his drink) and you my feathered friend can go to Hell (Amenadiel draws his wing at Lucifer's neck) Oh...Yeah try it, you think father's upset now?

Amenadiel

(Chuckles and draws his wing back) You know, he will not be merciful for much longer.

Linda

If only I knew someone who could help me with the Bible.

Amenadiel

(as Dr. Canaan) I know so much about it, it's almost as if I was there.

Amenadiel

Paul's wrists were too thick to fit in those chains.

Lucifer

I know. That man never could pass on dessert, could he?

Amenadiel

He should have been the saint of…

Honey cakes!

Lucifer

So how's this? Step one, travel back in time and not make such a mess of things.

Amenadiel

You know, I'm suddenly reminded of why I wanted you dead in the first place.

Lucifer

I spoke to Dad.

Amenadiel

Excuse me?

Lucifer

Yeah. I offered Him my services in exchange f— Well, that really doesn't matter. He accepted.

He replied to you.

Lucifer

Well, not in words, but His message was clear.

Amenadiel

And what does Father want?

Lucifer

Someone's escaped from Hell. Must've seen a window of opportunity whilst you were incapacitated. I think He wants me to bring our jailbird back.

Amenadiel

That's it? Well, it shouldn't be too hard to track down a single errant soul. [he chuckles, but stops when he notices Lucifer nervously tapping his drink glass] You're afraid.

Lucifer

Damn right I am.

Amenadiel

Right, but you're never afraid. Who could possibly scare you, brother? [beat] Lucifer…who escaped Hell?

Lucifer

Mum.

Amenadiel

Luci, you don't think she helped Mom escape, do you?

Lucifer

Well, that doesn't sound like the kind of evil, duplicitous thing a demon would do, now, does it?

Amenadiel

It's time that I face the truth, brother. I've fallen.

Lucifer

Well. Welcome to the club. Meetings are on Tuesdays.

Amenadiel

You were gone for a really long time, mom. You might not know your children as well as you think you do.

Charlotte

You may be right. But, at least for now I have you and Lucifer. My brave boys. So, if I'm here on earth two more years or two hours, I will take every moment I can get.

I used to believe everything happens for a reason. But now, I'm not so sure.

Amenadiel

[chuckles softly] Me neither. But I do know that no matter how bad things get, the true test is how we choose to respond to the pain we suffer... or inflict.

That's well said.

Amenadiel

It's Maze. She's angry with you, Brother.

Lucifer

[laughs] What, is it Tuesday already?

Amenadiel

So what happened?

Lucifer

It was terrible, Brother. I was kidnapped.

Amenadiel

No, Luci. I meant Mom.

Lucifer

Oh. Well, didn't you get my text?

Amenadiel

What, you mean the string of nonsensical emojis? Fire, Sword, Doughnut, Spaceman, Clock, Dancing Lady, Flashlight, Thumbs Up. How am I supposed to know what that means?

Lucifer

[deciphering] "I ignited the Flaming Sword, used it to cut a hole in space and time, Mum's light flooded through it, then it closed up behind her. All good."

Amenadiel

Lucifer, I'm not angry with you that you somehow got your wings back, or even that you cut them off again. As foul as that may be. I'm angry with myself. Because somehow, I made you feel like you couldn't confide in me.

Lucifer

Well, comparing body parts is never good for the male ego, especially between brothers.

Amenadiel

So, I've been, um, walking a mile in Lucifer's shoes, to learn more about him. To try to understand him.

Dan

Bro, what's there to understand? The guy does what he wants, says what he wants, he gets away with it. He parties constantly, he apparently has an endless supply of cash, drives a sick-ass ride (to bartender: "Thanks."), and gets to have sex with a different hot girl every night.

Amenadiel

.... What a terrible, lonely existence.

Dan

Oh, yeah, yeah. Sounds awful.

Lucifer

[regarding piano music at an outdoor bar] Oh. Brother, listen to that. Ah. I haven't heard music like that since, well, since the Silver City.

Amenadiel

What, there's no music in Hell?

Lucifer

Only for torture and usually out of tune. Lately, we've been playing music by this chap named Bieber. Gosh, you should hear the screams.