Dr. Linda Martin quotes from Lucifer

Dr. Martin

I find that people make Los Angeles their home for one of two reasons: They're running from something, or looking for something.

Linda

I thought this would be a little more... reverential, less angel wing dumpster fire.

Dr. Linda Martin

So you're the Devil?

Lucifer

Yes. Yes. Well, Satan, Beelzebub, Old Scratch. Actually, I like that one in particular. But, uh, those were the old me. These days, you just have plain old Lucifer.

Linda

And you've left Hell behind to take a vacation in Los Angeles?

Lucifer

Well, where else would I go?

Linda

Sometimes it's easier to make intimate issues about something bigger than yourself.

Lucifer

Well, there are few things bigger than myself.

Linda

I'm well aware.

Linda

You know, you say... you say people are phony here, but I think people come here to re-invent themselves. That's why I think you're here. To reinvent yourself.

Lucifer

Why would I mess with perfection?

Linda

And yet you keep trying on many hats to hide your horns. Playboy, cop, club owner...

Lucifer

Yes, you forget "master of all things tongue-related."

Linda

If only I knew someone who could help me with the Bible.

Amenadiel

(as Dr. Canaan) I know so much about it, it's almost as if I was there.

Lucifer

You're supposed to be on my side, you know.

Linda

No. I'm supposed to help you process your emotions so that you can deal with them constructively.

Lucifer

Yes, by being on my side and realizing that I'm right.

Linda

What's bothering you right now?

Lucifer

Well... right now I'm experiencing a very odd feeling. It's--it's like a fat man sitting on my chest. But not in a fun way.

Linda

Have you ever considered that all of this excessive partying may be your attempt to fill a void?

Lucifer

"Attempt"? I filled five voids last night.

Linda

That's not what I meant.

Maze

I made a friend today.

Linda

That's fantastic news. Who?

Maze

An eight-year-old girl who wandered into the bar.

Linda

Well... that's a start. Perhaps the next one can be of legal drinking age.

Lucifer

They had sex. The only trouble was, they were celestial beings, so that moment created the universe.

Linda Martin

Mm, the Big Bang?

Lucifer

Never knew how appropriate the name was until now, did you?

Dr. Martin

If you change your mind, my door is always open.

Lucifer

Well, feel free to shut it.

Linda

You're a demon. He told me. I thought it was a sexual metaphor.

Maze

Well, you're not wrong there.

Linda

Oh, my God. I had sex with the Devil.

Lucifer

Many, many times. And you're welcome.