Chloe Decker quotes from Lucifer

Chloe

What's the job?

Maze

Preschool aide

Trixie

Do you like little kids?

Maze

I've dealt with filthy screaming humans before. At least these are smaller.

Chloe

What's the job this time?

Maze

Topless maids. But apparently, I still have to do some cleaning. Screw that.

Lucifer

I think I've broken my therapist. And now she's somewhere to the left of totally useless and to the right of babbling lunatic.

Chloe

Oh, so she's you in a skirt.

Chloe

When were you going to mention that you're personally involved in this case?

Lucifer

When you asked me.

Lucifer

Detective, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Chloe

I doubt it.

Chloe

I bet you an arm and a leg, Mom, that he has no idea what today is.

Lucifer

That's not particularly wise of you to wager your lovely extremities, Detective.

Chloe

You've got a lot of nerve.

Charlotte

Yes, I've been told. And legs for days.

Chloe

[preparing to write in a notebook] Okay, a list of everyone you've slept with in the last eight weeks.

Lucifer

Right, you'll need a much bigger notepad.

Chloe

[to Lucifer] Dan slept with Charlotte?

Lucifer

Trust me, you're not half as disgusted by that as I am.

Chloe

Is there anyone who hasn't slept with that woman?!

Lucifer

Uh... [raises a hand]

Lucifer

I had an epiphany of sorts. You deserve someone worthy of you. And that isn't me.

Chloe

That's not what I've been saying, Lucifer.

Lucifer

I know. It's what I'm saying. You deserve someone better. Because you, Detective, are selfless to a nauseating degree. You always put your daughter first, even though the ungrateful urchin does nothing to contribute to the rent. [Chloe chuckles] So, you deserve someone worthy of that grace. Someone who knows every crime scene breaks your heart, even though you'd never admit it. Someone who actually appreciates your impossibly boring middle name, "Jane". And more importantly, Detective, you deserve someone as good as you. Because, well, you're special and I'm... I'm not worth it.

Maze

How was it?

Chloe

What are you doing in here?!

Maze

What? I heard you scream, so I ran in to see if you were in danger. [amused] Then I figured out what was really going on. So I stayed to watch the show.

Chloe

[to a suspect about his e-mail user name] You are "DMan69", yeah?

Lucifer

That's a very clever play on words, by the way. Was "nevergetslaid#1" taken?

Chloe

You really told Lucifer where I was? Since when do you guys talk.

Dan

Since he helped me save your life.

Lucifer

[looking over his arm] There's not a scratch, Detective. Impressive marksmanship.

Chloe

Actually, I was aiming for you.

Chloe

Anyhow, it looks like Josh and Steve both come from family money. Basically bought this hotel just to have a place to party.

Lucifer

[without a trace of irony] Imagine, buying your own establishment just to fund your decadent lifestyle. It's absurd.

Chloe

[deadpan] Yeah, absurd.