Chloe Decker quotes from Lucifer

Chloe

Let me make myself perfectly clear. I will never, ever, ever sleep with you. Never. Okay? Got it?

Lucifer

Playing hard to get. I like it.

Chloe

When Hell freezes over, Lucifer.

Lucifer

I can arrange that, actually.

Chloe

Where did you get this dress anyhow?

Lucifer

Oh, it was left behind by my one of my 'overnight guests'.

Chloe

What was she wearing when she left?

Lucifer

A smile.

Chloe

Mm. if I get an STD from this thing, I'm going to kill you.

Chloe

What are you? Did you do this?

Lucifer

I've been trying to tell you, I'm the Devil.

Chloe

That's...that's not possible.

Lucifer

I assure you Detective, it is. I mean, you've said yourself, there are things you can't explain. Do you need more proof? You got the gun, come on, shoot me.

Chloe

No-- I can't shoot you!

Lucifer

Sure you can! Go on, give her a little squeeze, and we'll be good to go.

Chloe

No!

Lucifer

Just shoot me, Detective, please! Because, maybe, you'll finally--

Lucifer

Good for you! See? Hardly hurts.

Chloe

I can't believe it...

Lucifer

[pain kicking in] Daaaahhhh, actually, no, it's hurting a little bit. It's-- GOD, it's hurting a lot! Son of a bitch, that really hurts! [looks at the wound, notices blood on his hand] I'm bleeding...

Chloe

You're bleeding!

Lucifer

God-- Of course you're bleeding!

Chloe

I thought you didn't lie.

Lucifer

I don't. But I don't always tell the whole truth.

Lucifer

Cool ranch puff?

Chloe

No, thanks.

Lucifer

No? It's funny, isn't it? You'd think the king of hellfire would be more of a flaming hot guy, but love these bad boys.

Chloe

Please tell me I'm hallucinating.

Lucifer

Well, I am dreamy, but try to contain yourself.

Lucifer

This poor sap's either already in Hell or in the "Silver City, enduring Uriel's welcome speech, which is far worse than Hell, if you ask me.

Chloe

Let's pretend for one second that you're someone else. Someone nice, someone mature.

Lucifer

Ooh, I love role-play.

Chloe

I need your help like I need a third boob.

Lucifer

Hmm.

Chloe

Wait. Don't say a word. 'knew it was a mistake the minute it came out of my mouth.

Chloe

Remember the Palmetto case I was telling you about?

Lucifer

The case that's been consuming you, causing people to despise you, call you names--I even quarreled on occasion because of it? No, doesn't ring a bell.

Lucifer

You're not busy, are you?

Chloe

Actually, shocker, I am busy. And it's really not a good day for…your…"Lucifer-ness."

Dan

We brought you a birthday gift.

Lucifer

Is that the royal "we"?

Chloe

Whiskey with a pickle juice chaser. It's our station's birthday tradition.

Lucifer

Lovely! How can I refuse? Can I refuse?

Dan

Of course you can. and we'll always think less of you.

Chloe

You. You're really in therapy?

Lucifer

Why is that so surprising?

Chloe

You're the least reflective person I know.

Lucifer

I have layers. I'm like an onion. An irresistible one.

Chloe

You don't save a marriage by sleeping with other people.

Lucifer

It can't hurt to try.

Chloe

Pretty sure it can.

Chloe

I can't believe that I would let myself care for him again. I mean, why? So I get hurt?

Lucifer

Um, no, because you're a kind person who puts the needs of others before your own. It's a horrible irony that my father invented.

Chloe

Oh, God, what have I done?

Lucifer

Don't worry, my father's the forgiving sort. Well, except when it comes to me.