Lucifer Morningstar quotes from Lucifer

Lucifer

Do I get a code word? You know, for when you take her down. If so, might I suggest "monkey bottoms"? 'Cause trust me, I can work that into any sentence quite naturally.

Lucifer

The good news is that whilst all dogs go to Heaven, you'd be surprised how many pigs are waiting for you in Hell.

Lucifer

I'm now an official civilian consultant for the LAPD. Not that there's anything civil about the Devil. What fun would that be?

Lucifer

That was incredible. It was musical, poetic, really. We were like fish and chips, salt and pepper. Hipsters and condescension.

Lucifer

Now, I'm not one to get into the feels, usually, but…you seem genuinely distressed. You okay? Do you want to—I don't know—chat about it or something? Sex is always on the table.

Lucifer

A priest walks into a bar? I've heard this one before, never seen it, though.

Lucifer

The most evil of people have the most normal names, I've experienced. Beware anyone named Keith.

Lucifer

You…You cruel, manipulative bastard. Is this all part of Your plan? It's all just a game to You, isn't it? Eh? Well, I know punishment, and he did not deserve that. He followed Your stupid rules and it still wasn't good enough! So what does it take to please You? Break Your rules, and you fall. Follow them, and you still lose! Doesn't matter whether you're a sinner! Doesn't matter whether you're a saint! Nobody can win, so what's the point? What's the bloody point?

Lucifer

I love L.A. Even the homeless have an IMDB page.

Lucifer

If that's supposed to be an offering to me, I decline on grounds of salmonella.

Lucifer

Look, I know you think I'm a bad guy, but I'm simply trying to catch our dear friend Malcolm…so I can tear his arms and legs off.

Lucifer

Don't move or 'wobbly head' gets it.

Lucifer

I don't know if this is all part of the plan. Or if You can even hear me. But if You're up there…Dad…I need a favor. I'll be the son You always wanted me to be. I'll do as You ask. Go where You want me to. I…In exchange, all I ask is…is that You protect Chloe.

Lucifer

There's so much punishment, so little time.

Lucifer

Ah, well, there's no reason to thank me for my heroism. Well, maybe just a little. No one's stopping you.