Lucifer Morningstar quotes from Lucifer

Cain

Lucifer? Lucifer? Hello, Lucifer?

Cain

If it were that easy to kill me, I'd have been dead a long time ago!

Lucifer

Right, have you tried... grenade down the throat?

Cain

Yes.

Lucifer

[crosses it off] Acid bath?

Cain

Mmm-hmm.

Lucifer

[crosses it off] Devoured by wolves?

Cain

Yes.

Lucifer

[getting exasperated] Dropped into helicopter blades?

Cain

Mmm-hmm. I've been trying to kill myself since the Bronze Age. I have tried everything. Even jumped into a volcano once.

Lucifer

What, you survived molten lava?

Cain

Yeah, it was a rough six months. Whatever I do, I just... regrow.

Lucifer

Like a blue-eyed, square-jawed tapeworm. So, if I cut you exactly in half, would there be two Pierces?

Cain

No. Only one side would heal. I call it the master molecule theory—

Lucifer

Yes, yes, Wolverine rules. I get it.

Cain

Why are you doing this?

Lucifer

Well, how am I supposed to solve the mystery of how to kill you if I don't under stand you first? Your strengths, your weaknesses. Because everyone has a kryptonite, Lieutenant.

Lucifer

How do know so much about diamonds?

Chloe

Well, I've watched enough Real Housewives to fake it with the best of them.

Lucifer

Miss Lopez puts a lot of faith in you, and losing that faith would hurt her. And I won't allow that to happen.

[hands over a bag of stolen diamonds] I'll get my act together, I promise.

Lucifer

No need to promise, Jay Lopez. Because I'll be watching you, and if you ever disappoint her again, [eyes glimmer for a second] I'll come for you.

Lucifer

Daniel. Your head is mostly empty.

Dan

[distracted] Huh?

Lucifer

Exactly, and yet you manage to do this improv thing.

Chloe

Who's Todd Cornwell?

Ella

Exacty. Todd Cornwell... Class loner, acne, Coke-bottle glasses, whole bit. Went to college overseas, and when I stalked Kathleen's classmates online, Todd was the only one with zero social media presence.

Chloe

Lucifer. You could go as Todd.

Dan

Yeah. No, seriously. Look, he looks just like you.

Lucifer

Has all that masturbation finally caught up with your eyesight, Daniel? No one would believe that, even if I tell them I've had a face and body transplant.

Cain

Back up. My brother is in Hell?

Lucifer

Yes, of course. In fact, he's our oldest tenant.

Cain

I knew it. Do you know how many times I've tried to tell people? Abel is the asshat. No one ever believes me.

Lucifer

Well, how much do you hate your brother on a scale of one to ten?

Cain

One thousand, infinity, plus one.

Chloe

What were you thinking, tackling somebody with a knife?

Lucifer

It's not me I was worried about, Detective.

Linda

The truth is, no one really knows what your Dad's responsible for. We're all just guessing. Even you. But do you know the one thing He can't control? What you do in this moment, right now. So I ask you, the Devil,.... What do you... truly desire?

Lucifer

.... I want her (Chloe) to choose me.

Linda

Then tell her.

[to Lucifer] You Dan Espinoza?

Lucifer

How dare you?

Lucifer

I promised you…that I would find a way to kill you. [breaks Cain's wrist, forces his arm back to stab him with his own knife, and knocks him to the floor] I am a devil of my word!

Cain

[mortally wounded] Is Chloe okay?

Lucifer

She's fine. No thanks to you.

Cain

[struggling to breathe and laughing] Now that I'm dying, I don't know what I was so afraid of. I'm going to Heaven.

Lucifer

You really believe that?

Cain

I told you, Lucifer, I don't regret anything I've done.

Lucifer

Yes. But, that was before you killed Charlotte Richards.

Cain

No. No, that was an accident.

Lucifer

Oh, you pulled the trigger. You ended her life. You chose to kill her. Deep down, you know you're a monster…and that you belong in Hell, where you will torture yourself with that truth for eternity. 'Cause no matter what you tell yourself…you can't outrun what you've done. [his eyes glow red and the skin on his face crackles with electricity] What you truly are.

Cain

And neither can you. [he laughs, gasps, and finally expires]

Chloe

Lucifer? …Lucifer?

Chloe

It's all true.

Lucifer

[unaware] Detective?

Chloe

…it's all true.

Lucifer

Detective,... Are you okay with... me?

Chloe

Well, it's not like you haven't always told me the truth. You know? So... I think, deep down, I just... I always knew.

Lucifer

But how does it make you feel? Afraid? Terrified? Do you want to yell at me? Punch me in the face? Run away again?

Chloe

I.. I think I just want to get back to work.

Lucifer

That's all?

Chloe

That's all. [walks off]

Lucifer

What the f-- [Theme music plays]

Lucifer

[staring right into Ella's eyes] I'm the Devil.

Chloe

[growing concerned] Lucifer, what are you doing?

Lucifer

Detective, it's time Miss Lopez finally knew the truth. [to Ella, still holding her eyes] I am the angel who led a rebellion against my Father, God. I was banished to Hell afterwards where I ruled as King over the souls of the damned.

Ella

[softly] Lucifer, it all makes sense now.

Ella

Dammit, I tried to keep a straight face, I really did. Man. How? How do you stay in character like that?

Lucifer

[strained amusement] Well, it's simple really. It's all true.

Look, I'm sorry, but when you're dealing with someone like Bob the Knob,--

Lucifer

Sorry. Seriously? "Bob the Knob"? [laughs] What was he in Witness Protection for? Bad porn?