George Lopez quotes from Lopez vs Lopez

George Lopez

Just cut down to 6 burritos.

George Lopez

Shut up about the dew!

George Lopez

We're watching Paw Patrol instead.

George Lopez

Orlando is a loser with a capital L.

George Lopez

Come on, let's go say "Hi" to Santa Claus.

George Lopez

I'm George Lopez, and this is Dateline.

George Lopez

This dateline investigation is taking way too long.

George Lopez

I got you, baby.

George Lopez

Ex-friends.

George Lopez

What are you guys laughing at?

George Lopez

Oh, my God! Why are you shaking your nalgas for the whole world to see?

Mayan Lopez

I'm connecting with other women who have daddy issues.

George Lopez

Oh, I'm sure you'll connect with some daddies on there too.

George Lopez

No domestic beer for you, Oscar. My best friend deserves only the best imported.

Thanks, man. Hey, you know what would be even better, though?

George Lopez

If we were high.

How'd you know I was gonna say that?

George Lopez

'Cause you said the same thing this morning, then we got high.

Hey, take it easy. Some of us are high.

Mayan Lopez

Sorry, there's an entitled white lady at work.

Just one?

George Lopez

One is all you need to ground a Delta flight.

Mayan Lopez

She treats us all like crap.

George Lopez

Sounds like you need to show her the Lopez way.

Mayan Lopez

Please, don't start.

George Lopez

It's a foolproof method. It's even how your mom and I fell in love. On our first date, we made the waiter cry.

Mayan Lopez

That's not something to be proud of.

Mayan Lopez

Freaking bitches! (breathing heavily)

George Lopez

Wow!

Mayan Lopez

Oh, man. I didn't know I had that in me. I guess I got that from you.

George Lopez

You didn't get that throwing the hammer down thing from me. You got it from your mom. Ta loca. I'm scared of you. Put that in the truck.

Mayan Lopez

How do you have a 5-star Yelp rating?

George Lopez

If you give Oscar enough Adderall, he can write a lot of reviews. Ah, ¿qué onda, güey?

Mayan Lopez

Are those guys new hires? I don't recognize them.

Mayan Lopez

They're both so fluent in Spanish. It reminds me of "me". But they speak English, too, right?

George Lopez

No, the only thing they know in English is "It wasn't me!".