Mike Logan quotes from Law & Order

Briscoe

The whole floor was charged to the Officers' Mess Fund.

Logan

Nice to know my tax dollars aren't being wasted on school books.

Briscoe

How many apartments are in this building?

Logan

30.

Briscoe

Do they all have to eat eggs?

We'll sue you for false arrest. We're going to get our lawyers.

Briscoe

Oh, lawyers. I'm so scared. You hear that, Mike?

Logan

Oh, I'm shaking in my blue suede shoes.

This is harassment. False arrest. You'll hear from our lawyers.

Briscoe

Oh, no. Not the lawyers. I'm scared. You scared, Mike?

Logan

I'm shakin' in my blue suede shoes.

Van Buren

Any one of you have a girlfriend in a nursing home?

Logan

That would be Lennie.

Lt. Van Buren

What kind of life is this guy gonna have without ... you know?

Logan

Maybe he's got some other life-long pursuits.

Lt. Van Buren

Like what? You think he plays the clarinet?

Logan

I hope he plays the clarinet.

Logan

You know, one of these days I'm gonna pack up a Winnebago.

Briscoe

And go where?

Logan

Upstate. New Hampshire.

Briscoe

I spent a year there one weekend.

Logan

[about Benny] You think his son knew he was an ass man?

Briscoe

I don't care how close they were. I don't see him bragging to his kid about his latest conquest.

Logan

But the guys down at the office are a different story.

Briscoe

[glances at Logan] Tell me about it.

Logan

[pause] What?

Briscoe

[reads from notebook] "Flying away on a giant beast with my suitcase in its teeth."

Logan

That doesn't sound like Fenady to me.

Briscoe

Wait a minute. "On leather wings, I fly beyond, on top my friend the pteradon." The flying beast is a dinosaur.

Logan

So a brontosaurus did it.

[about Korey's stalker] He's invested considerably more than gas money into this. Every game, every press clipping... it's a full-time occupation.

Logan

What's in it for him? Korey barely knows he exists.

The way he sees it, when she changes her running shoes, it's her way of saying hello to him. When she waves to the crowd, it's a declaration of love.

Lt. Van Buren

And if the secret code gets jumbled, is there any chance he gets violent?

There's a low risk, I'd say about 5%.

Briscoe

"If you don't play for me, I hope you don't play for anyone else"? I'd be watching my back.

Well, you take it as threat. He probably meant it as a curse.

Briscoe

Right, and he whacked her with his magic wand.

Briscoe

Hey, if I open an account over there, I get free checking and a toaster.

Logan

A 2-slice or a 4-slice?

Briscoe

4-slice. And if I deposit fifty grand, I get a VCR.

Logan

Hey, if you deposit fifty grand, I'm calling Internal Affairs.

Briscoe

What was the FBI doing in 1971?

Logan

I dunno, buying feather boas for J. Edgar Hoover?

Logan

Nice lady, this Mrs. Blanchard. She was hosting cocktail parties while her daughter was living on the dole.

Briscoe

Right, she should have let the kid shoot the family fortune into her arm.

Logan

You'd throw your daughter out on the street?

Briscoe

My daughter could go through my fortune in about a day and a half.

Logan

Any chance you like any of the men you work with?

Give me a break, Detective. There's only two kinds of men that work on Wall Street. Standard and poor. [gives Logan a speculative look] But I hear that peace officers are a whole different story.

Briscoe

[grins] You got your yardstick handy?

Logan

Oh, I got my tape measure.

Logan

It's weird. The guy's got more money than God, but he lives worse than I do.

Lt. Van Buren

Howard Hughes never clipped his toenails. Got any homicides we can pin on him?