Mike Logan quotes from Law & Order

Why the hell else would he pay me?

Logan

I don’t know. Blackmail comes to mind.

You obviously don't have enough evidence to arrest me. Which means you don't have enough to insult me, either.

So where does that get us? A lover's quarrel?

Logan

After sex? Most people, you fight, and then have sex.

Cerreta

[To Cragen] He's not married.

Cerreta

Look on the bright side. If we do this all week, you'll never have to buy Playboy again.

Logan

What're you saying, I treat all women like objects?

Cerreta

More specific. Like furniture.

Sure, he asked me to do it. $2500 a week on my back instead of $500 on my feet.

Logan

Well, it must have been tempting.

Maybe to you. But, honey, I don't think you'd survive. In my experience, cops just can't perform that often.

Cerreta

So you never turned a trick, huh?

Most beauty contests, some cracker judge would put his hands on my ass and offer me more money than I had ever seen to be his "date". I didn't do it then, I don't do it now.

Logan

Hey, Phil. You know that warrant you told that health club guy you'd get? Exactly what probable cause did you have in mind?

Cerreta

A senile judge.

Cerreta

You save your high school prizes?

Logan

Yeah. First prize. Multiple dress code violations.

Cerreta

This pacemaker has a lifespan of five years; That first cardiologist said it was in Mrs Barnett for three years.

Logan

That's right. And Halin said when he implanted it in Roberto, it was three years before the expiration date.

Cerreta

How's your arithmetic?

Logan

I know that three plus three equals Murder Two.

Robinette

Liz. Is she all right?

Logan

She's a psychologist. If anybody's trained to handle it, she is.

Robinette

Nobody trains you to be a victim.

In Greece, they got weapons laws up the ying-yang.

Logan

Nice to know we live in a civilized country.

I mean, I'm thinking back to when Phil came on. It's not always love at first sight with you.

Logan

Look, I can handle it. I just wanna know how long?

I wanna know how long is my mother-in-law gonna live with us. I don't know, but I'm learning to enjoy her pot roast.

I just haven't seen any real money yet. [to the detectives] Hey, hey, guys, come on, now. I'm busy here!

Briscoe

[takes the phone] He'll call you back in 25 years. [hangs up]

What is this?!

Logan

You wanna put your hands behind you, sir?

What are you doin'?!

Briscoe

James Scanlon, you're under arrest for the murder of Thomas Duff.

[to his secretary] Call the lawyers!

Logan

Good move. You're gonna need one.

Briscoe

Yeah, and don't tell his wife to keep dinner warm for him. All right?

Logan

And she shouldn't wait up to tuck him in, either.

Briscoe

Right around the corner from here is the first place I ever saw Mose Allison.

Logan

Who?

Briscoe

I keep forgetting when you were born.

Logan

You can call it rescue; a grand jury calls it kidnapping.

Is that a threat, detective?

Logan

No, it's penal law.

Briscoe

You're gonna take somebody's purse...

Logan

I know. You bash her head in, you stick a knife in her ribs, you pull on the strap until it snaps.

Briscoe

Yeah. So, what kind of mugger strangles?

Logan

Unless ... they knew each other. You smell romance?

Briscoe

Love at last sight.

Probable cause. You got no probable cause.

Logan

You're under arrest because you're probably guilty.