All right, who starred in Casablanca?
Uh, Cameron Diaz and Johnny Depp.
(clears throats) Humphrey Boger and Ingrid Bergman.
Oh.
Um, how about Batman?
Oh, I know that one! I know that one! Um, Batman and Robin.
Oh, Random Violence! I wanna go and see that.
I don’t want to go and see Random Violence. I hate Tommy De Witt movies.
How can you not like Tommy De Witt? He’s probably sexy.
Oh, come on. He’s not even a good actor.
Bother about that. Someone’s good acting. I can watch Bradley telling us why he ain’t done the washing up. Tommy’s gorgeous.
Oh. He’s just a big talentless haircut with expensive dental work and about half the sex appeal of R2-D2. Now there’s some quality dental work.
How’s your makeup?
Mmm. Pretty good…for an amateur.
Hmm.
I can’t believe you’re getting ready to go out on a date with Tommy De Witt.
Especially when you’ve always said he was a big talking haircut with no talent.
Yes, but that was before he turned up at my apartment wanting to go out with. Mm.
Well, hurry up. I wanna get out there before the guys scare Tommy off.
That’s the one.
Yeah.
So, Tommy, tell me. What was it like jumping from that skyscraper to that helicopter in Random Violence?
TDTommy De Witt
Actually, that was my stunt double.
JPJon, Paul and Bradley
Oh.
How about that fantastic sword fight in, um… slashblade peninsula?
TDTommy De Witt
That was my fencing double.
JPJon, Paul and Bradley
Oh.
What about shooting those love scenes with Neve Campbell?
TDTommy De Witt
That was my body double.
JPJon, Paul and Bradley
Oh.
Tommy.
TDTommy De Witt
Yeah.
Um… Do you actually appear in any of your movies?
Hi. I’m Hannah.
TDTommy De Witt
And I am speechless. You wanna go out?
Yeah. Oh. But before we do, my friends wanna meet ya. This is Tina, Rachel and Jo.
TDTommy De Witt
Hi, Tina.
Hi.
TDTommy De Witt
Hi, Rachel.
Hi.
TDTommy De Witt
Hi, Jo.
Yeah. (falls on the floor)
Aha! All right. Um, time to go.
She’s back out the car.
Jo, give the girl some privacy.
You’re right. Like you’re not interested whether Hannah gets a snug off Tommy De Witt or not.
Of course we’re not.
She’s getting out the car.
He’s getting out.
He’s walking out to the door.
Their heads are getting closer and closer.
Oh. Snuggle her.
Leave impact in 3 seconds.
Two.
One.
Thanks. I had a great night.
TTommy
I know you did, baby.
And Hollywood is also the world capital of romance: Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn, Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes. Jean-Claude Van Damme and himself.
I can’t believe it. Hannah’s falling in love with Tommy De Witt.
It’s not fair. I loved Tommy De Witt when Hannah thought he had all the charm and Charisma of a timber door frame. Now, she’s the one getting all the face friction.
JTJo and Tina
It’s not fair.
We need to get out more.
Still, it could be worse. We could be Paul.
Paul’s nearly ready. He’s very excited.
Ooh, that makes two of us. (referring to Paul) Um, now I will have him home by 11:00, and is there anything that he doesn’t eat?
Hmm… Tin cans.
Washing machines.
And that’s about it.
Hi.
Hi. Well, let’s party.
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