TV show quotes
What is going on? You're peeing on the -
Well I'm nervous get away!
You're dribbling like an old ma - You're getting it all over the floor!
[Laughing] It's just pee!
I'm peeing - are you trying to get a look at my dick?!
[Laughing] It's not - that's not your dick what is that!?
[Laughing] It is my dick! It's my dick! Don't look!
[Laughing] Oh my God! Disqualification! Disqualification! What are you insane? What the hell is that, is that piss?!
[Kenny is pretending to have a broken leg and is referring to soup Spenny brought for him]
It's too salty. Did you put four cups of water in it?
Go to hell.
Thank you. Bastard. It's your fault I have a broken leg!
Get a nurse! AND A NANNY!
Six more weeks of this and I'll break his other leg.
[Kenny is yelling in the living room to Spenny who's sitting in his office upstairs.]
I have to go to the bathroom! Pee Pee! Pee Pee!
You know, he's just milking this for all it's worth and this is just not acceptable.
Spenny?!
I'm calling your mother!
She's working and I have to go pee come on!
[Spenny comes downstairs]
I gotta sit and take care of you for six weeks! I'm not your fucking nurse!
You are partially responsible for this!
I am not at all responsible. I am not at all responsible!
Yeah you are! Yes you are!
Get you coffee! Get you this! I gotta pee! I'm helping you! Here, get up get up!
You're disgusting. You're disgusting!
Great I'm disgusting, just get up.
Originally, Spenny wanted to have this race with like, black people, where we each get a black man and...
Are you crazy?!
You wanted to do that! I think it's disgusting.
Lying, lying. Black man?
I was just so disgusted, fucking disgusted.
Fuck off! I never, ever, ever wanted to race a black person. I've raced against a black person in high school and I lost. That doesn't mean that all black people are faster than white people, but this particular individual was, and the fact that you bring up anything about racism, or anything related to anything like that, is absolutely ridiculous.
You know what people care about? Stars. Celebrities. They want Oprah without her makeup. Danny DeVito making love to a chimpanzee. That's what they want, and that's I'm going to give you.
Who's she?
Ah, it's some average girl.
She's hot!
Meh.
Why aren't you doing the news thing?
Well, "News Flash", me getting laid.
Where the hell are you in life if you're living beside a bridge under a tarp?
There's people that live in the sewer, man.
In the sewer?
Yeah.
With all the poo and pee?
Yeah.
In this city, or was it like New York or something?
Nah, it's here.
We've gotta find these people! I wish you would've told me that sooner. People living in the sewer, that's fantastic!
There's no way anybody lives here, man. I'm up to my fucking balls in water!
I am not going to lose this competition. I'm not going to let Kenny win anymore. This is it, I've had enough, alright. And I don't care if we have to fucking push over an old lady to win this fucking thing. We're gonna do it, alright? What is wrong?! Why can't we find a news story?! I'm the guy that gets humiliated! I'm the guy that's on the line here! We have one more night to win this, okay? There's shootings and killings and death every single day! Why can't we find one?! I'm sick of this shit. [walks away]
He just hates losing, that's all.
You'd think he'd be used to it by now.
If he dies from alcohol poisioning, it is a forfeit and I have won.
Confucius say, "Person who go to bed with itchy tooshie, wake up with smelly finger".
[To Goldfield]
How do I make my penis smaller? Because it's huge.
Oh! I've never heard such a complaint!
No matter how much you wiggle and dance, the very last drop goes down your pants. That's a very famous saying, I believe written by Keats.
Today we get to see Spencer's penis! Unfortunately you won't be able to see mine because we're not shooting the show in IMAX
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Kenny vs. Spenny pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
