Kenny vs. Spenny · Season 1
[Holding a Picture of Two Dogs] This is Buzz and Baldy. They're brothers and they're my boys. They're the best thing that ever happened to me in my life. Their passing was a difficult thing to get through, but out of pain comes a whole lot of growth. It was so traumatic and difficult for me to deal with their loss because I was so unhappy. They're with me now and we're together and we're going to make a difference. Spenny killed my dogs!
No more robot dance, that's all I ask. Do not robot dance anymore.
[Kenny is Singing and Mimicing a Robot]
I'm a robot kazoo. I love you. I'm a robot kazoo.
[Kenny practicing with batons at a music store]
Let me see... [snaps and throws the batons] You idiots!... Yeah, that'll be perfect. I'll take a couple of those.
I can't believe you just did that.
I gotta make sure that they work.
This is without question the lowest Kenny has ever sunk. The judges made me sick. Everyone believed him. He hid behind the innocence of children. It is so low that I uh - even for Kenny. I'm quite frankly shocked.
I'm just gonna climb up on top of Mother Nature and bust her bronco like the little bitch that she is.
First of all, you don't call Mother Nature a "bitch".
She is a bitch.
Well, I don't agree with that.
I'm gonna take care of her, froggy style.
Look, the more crazy he talks, the more scared he actually is.
I'm goin' primitive, man. I'm goin' primitive on your ass! I'm goin' primitive on you, Spenny!
Oh, Jesus...
I'm goin' Apocalypse Now on you! And you better watch it.
I'll give him 10 hours, tops.
11.
[Kenny after building a makeshift bed]
Aside from the stick in my ass, this is actually pretty comfy.
I've got itch-ass.
Did you use leaves?
Yeah, but I used okay leaves. But it's still fucking itchy.
You used like, leaves to wipe, and you don't know what the leaves... they could've been poison ivy.
Oh my God... you gotta...
What are you doing?
I'm making you look at my ass. If there's a rash or...
I'm not looking at your...
You have to see if there's a rash.
I am not looking at your ass.
Look at my ass.
No!
[Kenny pulls down his pants]
Oh, God! Urgh... I don't know, man. I'm colour blind so it's hard for me to see.
The only reason I'm kinda looking forward to it is I hear you actually can go crazy and hallucinate.
[After only 6 hours of being awake]
I, uh...I feel pretty good...pretty good... Spencer, umm...Spencer, how are you feeling?
How am I feeling? I've been up for 6 hours. I don't even want to be shot now. People are gonna wanna see me after I've been awake for 24 hours. This is ridiculous. I'm not even gonna be tired until 3 or 4 in the morning, so we're just wasting tape.
[Camera pans over to Kenny "sleeping"]
Very funny.
This is like a dream competition for me. I drink as much coffee as I want and eventually I hallucinate.
We're at the sleep disorders clinic at the Center for Sleep and Chronobiology with Spenny and Benny.
Kenny.
Kenny.
[laughing] Kenny and Benny.
You need some sleep.
So what are ways that I can stay awake?
What we do! We pull our hair [pulls hair] ow, ow! And we clench our anus, haha!
[Kenny pretends to leave the house]
You want anything?
Yeah, don't come back.
I may be back, I may not. You may not know - when I'm here or when I'm a shadow. When I'm a ghost or when you're alone. You may never know again. You may never know...
If it wasn't for spell check I would be legally retarded.
[Reaching in his pants]
Oh god, where's a forklift when you need it?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Kenny vs. Spenny pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
