Kenny vs. Spenny Season 2 quotes

Kenny

Originally, Spenny wanted to have this race with like, black people, where we each get a black man and...

Are you crazy?!

Kenny

You wanted to do that! I think it's disgusting.

Lying, lying. Black man?

Kenny

I was just so disgusted, fucking disgusted.

Fuck off! I never, ever, ever wanted to race a black person. I've raced against a black person in high school and I lost. That doesn't mean that all black people are faster than white people, but this particular individual was, and the fact that you bring up anything about racism, or anything related to anything like that, is absolutely ridiculous.

Kenny

You know what people care about? Stars. Celebrities. They want Oprah without her makeup. Danny DeVito making love to a chimpanzee. That's what they want, and that's I'm going to give you.

Who's she?

Kenny

Ah, it's some average girl.

She's hot!

Kenny

Meh.

Why aren't you doing the news thing?

Kenny

Well, "News Flash", me getting laid.

Where the hell are you in life if you're living beside a bridge under a tarp?

There's people that live in the sewer, man.

In the sewer?

Yeah.

With all the poo and pee?

Yeah.

In this city, or was it like New York or something?

Nah, it's here.

We've gotta find these people! I wish you would've told me that sooner. People living in the sewer, that's fantastic!

There's no way anybody lives here, man. I'm up to my fucking balls in water!

I am not going to lose this competition. I'm not going to let Kenny win anymore. This is it, I've had enough, alright. And I don't care if we have to fucking push over an old lady to win this fucking thing. We're gonna do it, alright? What is wrong?! Why can't we find a news story?! I'm the guy that gets humiliated! I'm the guy that's on the line here! We have one more night to win this, okay? There's shootings and killings and death every single day! Why can't we find one?! I'm sick of this shit. [walks away]

He just hates losing, that's all.

You'd think he'd be used to it by now.

Kenny

If he dies from alcohol poisioning, it is a forfeit and I have won.

Kenny

Confucius say, "Person who go to bed with itchy tooshie, wake up with smelly finger".

Kenny

How do I make my penis smaller? Because it's huge.

Oh! I've never heard such a complaint!

No matter how much you wiggle and dance, the very last drop goes down your pants. That's a very famous saying, I believe written by Keats.

Kenny

Today we get to see Spencer's penis! Unfortunately you won't be able to see mine because we're not shooting the show in IMAX

Kenny

I'm going to make Spenny turn against his beliefs, turn against his morals, and his righteousness. I am the snake and you are Eve. It's time to bite my apple, man.

Dude, it has been a dream my whole life to sell a script.

What about the bibles?

Fuck the bibles!

Kenny

You feel a little tingle in your stomach, and the tingle is friendship. And when that tingle hits your heart, it becomes love.

Or herpes.

Kenny

Hey, making loud noises is mean, Spenny.