My dick is four inches.
GGirls
Oh. What?
But that's okay. Some girls like it that thick
S5 E2Who Can Bone More Women?
S5 E3Who Can Wear a Gorilla Suit the Longest?
Right before we started, Spenny was like, "Hey, it's Danny Glover vs. Morgan Freeman", and I was like, "You racist piece of shit".
No, no. I can't believe you say stuff like that.
The sad thing is, that the uh, the Mountain Gorilla is actually a critically endangered species. And that's not just endangered, that's critically endangered. Uncontrolled hunting--that's the poaching, war by human beings actually, uh, hurt them, and the destruction of their natural habitat. It's hard for me to say this without getting emotional but there's 700... 700 left in the world. That's it.
That's not true. There's not just 700. They just found like, 125,000 gorillas in the Congo.
When?
Were you on the internet at all, looking up gorillas?
I'm sure Spenny is downstairs talking about the gorilla and the plight of the gorilla. Well, fuck the fucking gorilla. I am a human being and it is our mission to destroy all other species. So if you see a gorilla, you know what you fucking do? You take a fucking axe and chop its head off, and sell its paws as ashtrays.
[Kenny walks into Spenny's room]
Great, more gorilla rape. Yay!
In every gorilla pack, there's an alpha gorilla. And then there's alpha gorilla's bitch.
He doesn't know the basics. Gorillas don't get violent unless their families are threatened.
Yeah? Yeah?!
That's the truth.
[Kenny punches Spenny in the face, Spenny fights back]
You wanna go gorilla style?!
[Kenny and Spenny start beating their chests, making grunting noises]
What the fuck are we doing? This has nothing to do with anything.
I'm 100% Gorilla. Gorilla's don't shave, everybody knows that.
[Jamie in gorilla costume acting like a gorilla offering bananas to Spenny]
You are a fucking retard.
S5 E5First Guy to Touch the Ground Loses
What is your problem, this morning?
I lost my kitty mug and I got this fuckin' stupid shitty mug with f-f-friggin' flowers on it. It doesn't fit my hand right.
Do you know why you took my kitty mug?
I DIDN'T TAKE IT!
Because you couldn't find any kitties to rape.
We're best friends.
We are so not best friends.
Don't let him in if he's crazy.
ZZeus
I just couldn't believe you licked a chick's ass.
You got nice pecs.
ZZeus
Thank-you very much.
MY BALLS ARE achin', my legs are shakin', I wish I was Jamaican.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Kenny vs. Spenny pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.