You know what people care about? Stars. Celebrities. They want Oprah without her makeup. Danny DeVito making love to a chimpanzee. That's what they want, and that's I'm going to give you.
“Who Is the Better Journalist?” · Season 2
In this episode: Spenny (4), Kenny (2), Production Assistant (1)
Who's she?
Ah, it's some average girl.
She's hot!
Meh.
Why aren't you doing the news thing?
Well, "News Flash", me getting laid.
Where the hell are you in life if you're living beside a bridge under a tarp?
COCamera Operator
There's people that live in the sewer, man.
In the sewer?
COCamera Operator
Yeah.
With all the poo and pee?
COCamera Operator
Yeah.
In this city, or was it like New York or something?
COCamera Operator
Nah, it's here.
We've gotta find these people! I wish you would've told me that sooner. People living in the sewer, that's fantastic!
There's no way anybody lives here, man. I'm up to my fucking balls in water!
I am not going to lose this competition. I'm not going to let Kenny win anymore. This is it, I've had enough, alright. And I don't care if we have to fucking push over an old lady to win this fucking thing. We're gonna do it, alright? What is wrong?! Why can't we find a news story?! I'm the guy that gets humiliated! I'm the guy that's on the line here! We have one more night to win this, okay? There's shootings and killings and death every single day! Why can't we find one?! I'm sick of this shit. [walks away]
COCamera Operator
He just hates losing, that's all.
You'd think he'd be used to it by now.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Kenny vs. Spenny pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.