(tells the students) Now before taking over for Mr. Smetzer, I was helping out at the varsity girls' swim team victory party. So I need someone to go pass out pizza and towels. Any volunteers?(Abby and the other students raise their hands) (Joe picks up his folder and opens it then he hides his face with it) Mm, eenie meenie miney Joe! (picks Joe then he closes his folder) Have fun!
You know what I think? I should probably stay here. (Abby turns around and looks at Joe) I mean, I walked on grass. I should think about what I've done.
Are you disobeying the direct order from a teacher?
Yes, I am. (stands up from his desk and Abby is proud of him) And I think you should give me more detention.
(turns around to the back of the classroom and talks to Joe) Wait. You really don't expect special treatment?
No. Abby, that's what I've been trying to tell you.
Cool. I'm impressed. (she smiles at Joe and he smiles then he sits back down)
Do I have another volunteer?
(raises her hand) I'll do it!
Have fun. And when the party's over, grab a gift and just go on home. (Abby stands up from her desk and walks to the back of the classroom)
See ya! (Kevin opens the door for Abby and she leaves)
That girl is just no good. (closes the door) (Nick stands up)
NickI know Joe doesn't want any special treatment, but we kind of have a new song to finish recording. (Joe looks at Nick) Do you mind we do it in here?
Do I mind? (Stands up) This is a detention room, young man. I can't believe you even asked me that.
The acoustics are way better in the hall! You rapscallion.
(painting a picture) Now this is how we should spend on a Saturday. No recordings, no detention. Nick, can you move a little bit to the left? (asks Nick to go little to the left) Perfect. (continues painting)
(playing checkers by himself) Yes! (stands up and walks to the other side of the checkerboard and tells Nick to watch him) Hey, Nick, keep an eye on me. I think I'm cheating.
Voila! My masterpiece-- She is finished! (Joe stands up and Nick closes the book then runs up to Kevin)
Whoa. Very realistic, Kevin.
Nick
So I sat and held that book all day for this? I'm not even in it.
Nick
(points to the painting of his finger) That's my finger! (disappointed)
You recognized it! I'm better than I thought. (rock music playing) (Joe walks away from Kevin and Nick) (Kevin paints a little bit more)
Nick
Joe! (passes the ball to Joe)
Kevin! (passes the ball to Kevin) (grunts)
(throws the ball to the celiing) Oh!(he, Joe and Nick look at the ceiling) Uh-oh! It is nice that we have high ceilings in this house. We should totally put a trampoline in the middle of our room.
That would be awesome! We could somersault into bed, or back flip into the bathroom.
Nick
Guys, do you really think that's a good idea? Think. Think hard.
No. (he, Joe and Nick back away from each other and play Hacky Sack)
Nick
Why, so you can kick it into oblivion again?
I can't help it if my leg muscles are like crouching tigers. I had an off kick. It happens to the best of us.
Nick
And by "best" you mean "worst"?
By "worst", you mean "best"? (he and Nick are staring at each other) I bet you I can hack the sack longer than you can.
Nick
You're on... Let's go... Right now.
House rules...two feet...No arms.
Why are...we talking...so weird?
Good point...let's stop...right now.
Nick
Are you ready now? (holds the ball) (Asian flute music playing)
No. I have to prepare. I need to hone in on my razor-sharp reflexes.
Nick
Good luck with that.
(gong chimes) (Joe is shocked) (Kevin catches the ball) One nano second off. I gotta work on that. (snorts) (leaves)
(runs to Kevin and Nick) Guys, guess what. Today's our anniversary.
(he and Nick stand up) Aw. hug it out. (he and Nick are hugging Joe) Bring it in. Feels good. Aw, love it.
You guys have no idea what anniversary I'm talking about? Do you?
Nope. (he and Nick stop hugging Joe)
Nick
Never claimed to. (he and Kevin sit back down)
Guys, it's the anniversary of when we first met Stella.
Wow. Time flies. Feels like yesterday that wittle Stella waddled into our wives. Sowwy.
Nick
Any reason why you happen to know the exact date when we met Stella?
Yeah, Joe. Thub-thub, thub-thub--
Guys, I remember all important dates that have to do with our friends and family.
Nick
Of course you do, yeah. When's my birthday?
Nick
Lucky guess.
Guys, it doesn't matter how I remembered. The important thing about remembering is that I remembered. (Stella enters)
Hey, Stella. Do you remember what today is?
Oh, yeah. It's be kind to chipmunks day.
Good 'cause I got an extra acorn for everybody. (gives an acorn to Nick then Nick throws it away)
Oh no no no, wait-- unless these t-shirts answer your question. (shows the gray t-shirt) It's our "15-year friend-a-versary."
KNKevin and Nick
Happy friend-a-versary!
15 years ago today, I spilled chocolate milk all over my shirt and you were the only person that didn't laugh at me.
Well, I mean, how could I laugh? Someone had to blot out your corduroy jumper with seltzer.
Well, think about it, if you guys didn't meet, you guys wouldn't have become friends, That why you wouldn't become our stylist which means we would probably be walking on the streets looking like this.
It was a good thing that I came along.
Yeah, I mean, we need you like the winter needs the spring.
Or an ice cream cone needs sprinkles.
Nick
Like a pirate needs a hook for a hand, an eye-patch, and a parrot. Wow you need a lot of things to be a pirate.
They're coming, I swear. Better late than never. (Joe and Nick left the classroom and they go to the table and Nick takes his lunch bag from Kevin then he sits upright) Finally, guys. (the three students walk away)
So you guys, I was thinking we should do something special for Stella for our "friend-a-versary" like throw her a party.
Nick
Good idea.
We need to figure out what kind of party a girl would like. You know what we need for that?
A girl. Excuse me, miss! (asks a female student)
No, Joe, not just any girl. We need Macy.
I wasn't following you around trying to listen to your conversation if that's what you're suggesting.
Nick
Macy, we need your help. We want to throw a party for Stella.
What kind of party would Stella really like?
Stella love surprises and I love surprises too. I love ice cream and-- and party games and balloon animals.
Oh right, Stella. Um... Stella loves karaoke.
That's right. We can throw her a surprise karaoke party. Can you come over later and help us plan it?
Nick
We're serious.
Hey, guys. (walk over to the table)
Shh, remember, big surprise.
Oh no, I'm not good at this.
Not good at what? (asks Kevin)
(stammers) C--crunking. (stands up) (Nick grabs the lunch bag) (hip-hop music plays) (moans)
Nick
Kevin, let's crunk it over there, please. (stands up and takes Kevin's bag and lunch off the table then tosses the bag and the lunch to Kevin but Kevin picks up his bag and lunch)
Oh! oh! Okay. (Nick and Kevin leave Stella, Joe and Macy)
(sighs) Phew, he almost blew it.
Almost blew what? (sits down)
This trumpet. (shows the music instrument and holds it) (laughs)
Macy: Right! 'Cause you're not allowed to blow it in the hallways. (chuckles)
I'll just go and put it in my locker.
Macy: You know what? (points to the instrument) That looks heavy. I'll go help you. (leaves with Joe)
Nick
What are you doing?
Getting in touch with my inner Kevin. The Kevin that will prove that your hacky sack is wacky sack.
Nick
(laughs) Well, can your inner Kevin do this? (shows a demonstration of a few tricks)
Your skills are great, but can you do this? (inhales)
Nick
You didn't do anything.
Not true. I beat you again... in here. (points to his mind) It was awesome. You're still crying... in here. (points to his mind again)
(enters the living room) Hey. Did I hear you guys are having a hacky sack competition?
You are correct, father-son.
Nick
Kevin's adopted this whole kung-fu thing to try and psych me out.
Yeah, you can blame me for that. I let him watch too many kung-fu movies when he had the chicken pox. I think it altered him.
(out of sync) If I do not beat you, my evil twin brother will, once he wakes up from his coma! (gong chimes)
Definitely the kung-fu movies. You know, that or the high fever. (leaves) (Nick shakes his head disappointed)
(Drop paper cup so the juice spill) You know that was my last glass of cranberry juice? You could’ve just said, oh I don’t know,--"Drink It"?
What is going on between Macy and Joe? (Kevin and Nick are acting suspicious)
Nick
(turns around) And by "Joe", you mean?
You know who I'm talking about. Macy and Joe, they've been spending a ton of time together. And they're acting all secretive and weird.
Nick
And by "weird", you mean?
I mean weird! Like mysterious, and annoying. Kind of like two of you are acting right now.
NKNick and Kevin
Whatever do you mean, Stella Malone? (Nick continues to try to open his locker)
Look, if Macy and Joe want to be together, that's fine. (Nick still can't open his locker) I'm fine with that.(Nick steps away when Stella is about to remove Nick's locker door) I just don't like being only one that doesn't know about it. (Nick is shocked) Here's your door.(gives Nick the locker door) (Joe arrives and she walks to him) Joe! Joe. Joe--
Hey, wanna hang out Friday?
I thought we'd hang, chill, do some homework, you and me.
Um-- well... yeah, I'm free. Yeah, that sounds really great.
Cool. Later. (Stella leaves then Kevin and Nick walk to him)
Nick
(holding his locker door) Why couldn't you have showed up before she ripped my door off? (shows Joe the locker door)
You owe me a cranberry juice! (he leaves) (Then Nick leaves while he shakes his head)
It's our 15 year friend-a-versary.
Oh no no no. I can't believe it. So when you two are were acting and all dense and "Joe who?"
Nick
Just trying to keep a secret.
Oh, you meant our Joe. Oh. Okay.
How about we crank up the coonmaster 5000?
(gasps) The 5000? That's supposed to be like a thousands times more awesome than the 4000.
We know... thanks to Macy. She helped us plan this entire then with all your favorite stuff. (Nick, Kevin and Joe walk away)
Mace, um-- I think I owe you a huge apology--
No no no. You don't need to apologize for anything. I mean, I know you and Joe are-- well, you're not. I mean, you are so I would never. Because you two-- do anything to get in the way of that.
(laughs) Joe and I, we're just really great friends.
Yeah, great friends who have feelings for each other, but don't want to jeopardize their friendship so they hope that someday they will be brave enough to let their true feelings out.
Okay okay, I admit-- I mean, sometimes I do wonder what it would be like if Joe and I were brave enough. (P.A feedback)
(grunts) All right, everybody to get the karaoke started, I'm gonna sing one of Stella's favorite songs. Happy Friend-a-versary, Stella. (cheering) (ballad playing) (Stella smiles)
You know, I think it might be safer if Joe and I are just friends.
(filming the competition) I will be recording this historic showdown. Don't worry, if anything embarrassing happens, it will be going on the internet.
All right, as with all family competitions, we'll go in birth other. So Kevin, you're first. (Nick stands by Joe)
Okay. Don't like weight. Don't like the color. Don't like the circumference.
Nick
Kev, would you just go already, please?
Here we go. Ready? Oh, I'm out.
Nick
That's it? Three?
Nick
(sighs)
You want to lie down? (pats Kevin) (
(reads a page from a book while holding the video camera) "And then she says, 'I do."
Nick
132 to 3. Sorry, dude, I think I just won.
Nick
Yes, I did. I just won.
Nick
No, I won.
(laughs) This is classic.
I'm not on this ride anymore. (stops filming and closes the video camera then leaves with Tom)
Nick
Neither am I.
Or, are you? Looks like the little learned his lesson. (whip cracks) Or did he? (Nick chases Kevin)
Okay. We've got guitar-shaped pancakes for Kevin, Crunchy Cat cereal for Nick and peanut butter with eggs for Joe. (kissed Joe) Ah.
Mom, there's a little too much trees in my eggs.
Nick
And I like my dish-water a little less soapy.
I love the underwear that came with my pancakes. It's a great source of fiber.
Oh my-- (laughs) I am so sorry. I think I'm doing too many things at once. (walks to Frankie) It's been really hectic since the baby was born the was born.
Mom, I'm eight and a half.
Guys, I think it's time. (tells Nick and Joe)
Nick
Mom, dad, you both seem a little stressed. So we got you a present-- an exclusive resort vacation.
We were gonna wait for your anniversary, but you guys look like you could use our present right now.
Plus, we couldn't remember when your anniversary was.
Nick
That too.
Guys, that is so sweet. But I can't possibly leave you alone. No.
"How many times can you enjoy a sunset balloon ride... over hand-raked prestine beaches while eating exotic delicacies"? Hmm. (takes the brochure and leaves)
Dad, you're gonna love it.
No no no no. I couldn't possibly leave. Who would take care of all this, the band business? All right, I'm the grease that keeps the JONAS machine running smoothly.
Nick
Dad, I think we can get by without your grease for a week.
I don't know. I've never left the band business in anybody else's hands before.
They give you massages while you float in the lagoon. Get up.
I'll send you a postcard. (Nick gives Joe and Kevin a high five then Nick is excited)
Bye. Oh thank you so much. (hugs Kevin)
Okay, boys, now remember. no monkey business.
Nick
Mom, where would we even get a monkey?
Let alone with a head for business?
(on the phone while holding a business card) Hello, Monkey Land? (monkey squeals) (whispers) I'm gonna have to call you back. (hangs up)
All right, look, I've complied a list here to help you guys define "monkey business." Let's call this daddy's big list of don'ts. (unfolds the list and hands it to Joe but Joe is shocked) (Joe looks at the long list)
Come on, it's time to leave all your cares and worries behind.
Well, just watch the junk food. And don't fry your eyes playing video games.
Tom! Dolphins are waiting patiently to swim with. (exits)
Yes, dear. (leaves) (door closes)
Yea-- (Joe is about to be excited but Nick stops him)
Nick
Wait for it.
You know, don't let any strange people into the house, okay? (runs back into the house) And stay away from my pinecone collection and pretty much everything that's breakable. And leave the computer on so we can video chat while we're gone.
BMBig Man
(enters) Sorry, chief. Time to have fun. (Tom leaves) This man needs a vacation. Lock the doors quick. (leaves then Kevin closes the doors)
Nick
All right, now you're good. (tells Joe)
Yes! (throws the list) Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Come on! Yeah!
Dudes, we have the whole place to ourselves, let’s do something crazy. Like, brush without flossing or floss without brushing. Better yet, run with scissors! No. Too dangerous. Run without scissors!
Nick
Talk without breathing?
Whoo-hoo! (runs around the living room back and forth) (hooting, yelling)
Don't worry, he'll tire himself out soon enough. (he and Nick are watching Joe run back and forth)
(stops running back and forth) (sighs) Whoa. I just tired myself out. (sits down and puts his feet on the table)
Nick
Careful! That was grandma's. Dad's list specifically says "no knick-knack destruction."
That's why we don't put our feet on the table, Joseph.
I'm in charge and I'm enforcing the rules.
Nick
That's weird.
Nick
Sounded like someone just said "Kevin's in charge."
Nick
There it is again.
Well, I'm the oldest and the tallest and I have the longest sideburns.
Nick
Well, as the most responsible and least likely to measure leadership skills by facial hair, maybe I should be in charge.
Yeah, Kevin, Nick's in charge. (puts feet on the table)
Nick
Joe, take your feet off the table.
I take that back, Kevin's in charge. (puts feet on the table again)
Joe, take your feet off the table.
You two are tearing this family apart. (leaves)
Come on, guys. We're at the prime of our lives here. (stands up) I mean, it's our job to have fun while our parents are gone. What's wrong with us?
Nick
He does have a point.
You know what they say? All work and no play makes... something something something.
Nick
Exactly.
Yeah, sure. Guys, let's get this party started with a round of smoothies before dinner.
That's both risky and exciting. (stands up) I'm in.
Nick
(stands up) I'd like mine with extra whipped cream.
Whoa Nick Nick Nick. Let's not get crazy here.
Nick
You're right, lost my head there for a minute. I'm sorry. (he, Joe and Kevin are going downstairs to the kitchen)
One boysenberry, butternut, bacon, blueberry with a... twist. (Kevin enters) (Joe pours one smoothie into a cup and puts a bacon with it and gives it to Kevin)
(drinks the smoothie) That is one smooth smoothie. Hmm. And cold. Ow. Ow. (touches his head) Brain freeze! (grunts) (dull thud) (he drops to the floor and Joe ignores him)
Nick
(looks at the refridgerator) Joe, the light's off. Did you unplug the refridgerator? (turns around and shows the unplugged fridge then asks Joe)
Had to so I could plug in my third blender.
Nick
Dude, mom crammed the week's worth of food in here for us. (closes the fridge then takes the cord and plugs it back on the power outlet)
runs to the fridge and opens it) Save the ice cream and icy treats first!
What about the vegetables?
Let 'em die. It'll be the perfect crime. (a montage of him, Joe and Nick taking out everything from the fridge and set them on the counter)
Nick
We've gotta get these kids out of here.
I've tried, but they're like rabbits-- wild rabbits who love to party.
Isn't that a little renduant? All rabbits love to party.
Nick
I just hope dad doesn't call again.
CVComputer voice
Chat request. (Nick looks at Kevin and Joe)
Nick
(opens the computer again and turns it on) Answer it. (he, Joe and Kevin see their mom video chatting them)
Nick
Hi, mom. (he, Joe and Kevin wave to her) We thought you were dad.
If you think I'm dad, I'm definitely not wearing that bikini I packed.
Dad's been calling like every five minutes.
Well, you know, your father. He gets worried if he's got nothing to worry about.
Well, tell him, to go get worried because there's nothing to be worried about here.
Yeah, mom, no party, no broken vase. (two girls are on the couch (laughing) No jumping on the couch! No jumping on the couch.
Oh, I'm not worried. Ever since you were little, you guys have been trustworthy and responsible, not to mention adorable.
KJKevin, Joe and Nick
Thanks, mom.
I mean, soon you'll be moving out on your own. And I won't get to spend as much time with you, what with all the touring and-- you know what? I don't want to spend another minute away from you. I don't. (picks up the phone and calls the pilot) Captain Boulder, we're turning this jet around. We're going home... now. (hangs up the phone)
Nick
I think I liked it better when dad called.
Jonas · 237 quotes
