Okay, rule number one, if you work for me, You've got to learn how to surf.
All right, so stand like that. Now remember, your shoulders are your steering wheel, so just keep it loose.
NickOh, hey.
Nick
You want to work for a surfer? Well, I'm a surfer.
No, you're not, Nick. You've never surfed in your life.
Nick
How hard could it be?
Dude, I make surfing look easy because I'm great. Now you make being a rock star look easy because it is. Get the difference?
Nick
We'll see, dude.
Is that dude always this crazy?
You must bring it out in him.
Nick! Are you okay? (Nick is coughing while Macy help him)
Nick
Stone was right. Surfing's hard.
What has gotten into you?
Nick
This whole stone thing got me thinking.
Nick
You just seem different this summer-- good different.
Yeah, I guess I'm not that crazy fan girl anymore.
Nick
Look, Macy, if you want to go work for Stone, I have no right to stand in your way. In fact I don't think I can stand. I'm just worried that if you do go work for him, we won't be able to spend as much time together.
Oh. Wow. You know what? I think I'm gonna pass on this whole Stone Stevens thing, so that should free me up for some hanging out time.
Nick
Cool.
Nick
Ow. (tries to stand)
Nick
Could we start by hanging out here?
Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late. - Big announcement?
Ah. Let me put this in the form Of a riddle. Now what has two paddles, A net and the hottest celebrities in town?
Nick
Are you talking about Justin Timberlake's ping-pong tournament?
Correct. Now this is the biggest charity event Of the summer, okay? J.T.'s all about giving back.
Yeah, we know all about it, but all the spots are booked.
I guess it just depends on who you know. You see, my cousin is the assistant to the guy Who's the assistant to the guy who picks the
Nick
No, it's not. But more to the point, That means that only one of us gets to play.
Correctamente. F.Y.I., I'm adding "amente" to everything I say. So which one of you three, is the bestamente?
Me, I'd probably crush it, but I've gotta study my script For the movie that I'm starring in, "Forever April"
So Joe Hollywood is out. How about you guys, huh? Why don't you play for it? Kevin versus Nick?
Nick
I'm in. A little brotherly competition.
Oh. So... (clears throat) Excitedamente. All right. Good luck on that. All righty.
I need your love. You need my love.
Nick
Kevin.
- Oh, hey, Nick. Meet China's gold medalist in table tennis world cup.
Nick
You hired a coach?
And you, sir, bought a ball machine.
Nick
Just say it. You're afraid to lose to your little brother.
"Lose"? Oh, no. I just want to make sure you were properly schooled - When I beat you.
Nick
You are so going down.
That's cute and all, but can you leave now? 'Cause she's about to teach me a move she likes to call the Cobra Chop. Chop.
Nick
- Aloha, brother.
Nick
Well, I know some words have been exchanged, some not so pleasant, so I decided to do something nice for you.
Nick
Well, I know how much you like relaxing.
I do like to take a load off.
Nick
All right. Well, try it out. Take this coconut smoothie, lay down on this thing - And just relax.
- Don't mind if I do. (sits on the hammock)
Nick
Oh, I almost forgot-- ladies.
Nick
- How does that feel?
Ah. Like a cool island breeze. It's very relaxing. Wait a second! - I know what you're trying to do here.
Nick
- What would that be?
You're trying to recreate that sweet sweet nap I took in Maui.
Nick
Ah. The nap of all naps. The nap of your dreams. Now why would I do that?
To make me groggy for the match. You're trying to make me lose my competitive edge.
Nick
Shh. Relax.
It would be nice. I mean-- No! Not at all! Absolutely not. - Not gonna work.
Nick
- All right, fine. But I know how cranky you get without your nap.
You're going down a bad road here, brother. You'll be sorry you messed with the master. No one said stop.
Ah. Here you go, my buddy Ben.
Thanks. So is Stella home?
I want to talk about Ben. What gets Ben up every morning?
So what I'm hearing is you're unemployed.
- No, I work part time too.
I invented a cell-phone app. It's kind of popular.
Well, I'm pretty cell-phone-app savvy myself. So what's it called?
It's called the side burner. - It lets you take any photo
and-- - put sideburns on it? Dude, I love that app. You invented that?
Yeah, it's no big deal It pays the rent, got my parents a new house. It's all good. So what do you do?
Nick
- Where are they? (ball clacking)
- Where are what? - Can you be more specific?
Nick
- Specifically my lucky sneakers.
The white ones with the blue stripes? I haven't seen 'em.
Nick
- Fibber!
Oh, now you're resorting to name-calling.
Nick
- I know what you're trying to do.
Nick
You think I'm so superstitious - I need those shoes to win.
- Those are your words, not mine.
Nick
- You're not getting inside my head.
Nick
You know what? I could beat you without shoes. I could beat you without socks. I could beat you without feet! Kevin!
You know what? I ask the questions around here. So where are you taking Stella tonight? (Macy is spying)
- Um, to get frozen yogurt.
- What do you have against ice cream?
So as determined by the pre-game flip of a coin, The Kevinator will serve first. By the way, I'm no longer saying "amente." I'm now saying "inator."
Nick
- What was that?
Nick
The cobra chop is cheating?
Look, Nick. If you can't handle my level of play, you should quit now, - Just like you did third-grade Spanish.
Nick
I couldn't roll my Rs because my tongue wasn't fully formed yet.
- Always an excuse with this guy.
Nick
You know what? - Just serve the ball, Kevin Percy.
- Don't you use my middle name.
Nick
- Oh, I think I just did, Percy. (Dennis gives Kevin the ball)
- Whoo! Nice. Intensamente.
Nick
You ate baby food until you were 10.
It was just the applesauce.
Oh! Point to the Nickinator! Whew. Guys, this is getting personal.
How dare you interrogate my date!
What am I supposed to do, Seeing as you decided to keep the whole thing from me?
I tried to tell you, but you were a little too busy... Playing house with Vanessa and Shakira.
It's Chakra, and he's a boy. (Chakra is barking) The point is you had a date tonight - And you didn't tell me.
- Well, you didn't tell me about the dogsitting.
I didn't tell you about my dentist appointment either.
Vanessa is trusting you with something that she loves. That's a big step in a relationship.
We're not in a relationship.
Well, she thinks that you are.
Yet you're the one who has a date tonight.
It's just yogurt! (barking continues)
Chakra! Chakra! No, Chakra! Come back! Chakra!
So it all comes down to this: The winner of the next point will take the crown, And moi, to meet Justin Timberlake. (Nick takes the ball out of the hat) (dramatic music playing) (Chakra barks and swallows the ball) (Dennis gasps)
That was our last ball. - When did we get a dog?
Chakra! - Heel! - Stay! Stay! - Chakra, come back! - Chakra, come on! Don't run! (Dennis runs after Chakra)
Our dog's name is Chakra?
- It's not our dog. I'm watching him for Vanessa. He got scared when Stella and I were arguing.
Nick
- About what?
- She has a date tonight - And she didn't tell me.
Nick
- Didn't you guys decide to be friends? Doesn't that mean you're free to date whoever you want?
Yeah, but I just pictured myself dating and Stella just... not.
Nick
You do realize how it sounds, right?
When I just said it, I realized what a jerk I sounded like.
Yeah, well, you shouldn't tell us. You should tell her.
(panting) Okay. Come on, boy.
You're right. Thanks. (leaves)
Yo, bros. Ah. It's game point. (gives the ball that Chakra swallowed to Kevin)
Yeah, that's gonna be a problem.
Nick
Maybe it's for the best. This game was getting pretty ugly.
Yeah, there's no such thing as a friendly game of ping-pong. (fistbumps Nick)
Hey, guys, hold on. We're real close-- one more point.
Nick
It's over, D.Z.
Guys, wait. I don't want to have to come down on you. All right, look. I promised my guy a JONAS and I don't front. Okay? So you guys have
Or our friendship is in serious trouble.
Nick
Our friendship will be fine. Trust me.
Nick
We've got you covered, D.Z.
Oh, so it's you. Great, I was hoping for you. - Don't hate Kev or anything.
Nick
- It's not me.
Kevin baby! My favorite brother!
So you guys are leaving me hanging?
We're not gonna leave you hanging. We promised you a brother, so fresh off the jet from Jersey...
Baby applesauce. Guys, it's just a lot smoother. (Nick put his head down)
So... clears throat) are you any good?
Back home they call me the Frankinator.
(chuckles) Where have you guys been hiding this kid? Let me see you do this. Yeah. Definitely. How long have you been playing?
Nick
All right, you strum.
Nick
G-g-g-g. C-c--
Nick
- We are shredding "Twinkle Twinkle."
I think a guitar should always be a two-person instrument.
Nick
Depends on the two people. Maybe you should try it on your own.
- (rock music playing) - Hey, how you doing?
Nick
Hey, D.Z., we're kind of in the middle of something.
Introducing D.Z., A.K.A.: Lady candy, as in candy for ladies, not as in, you know, I'm a lady named Candy.
Nick
I get it. I don't want to get it, but I get it.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have a big date tonight. And-- oh, this is real velour, so if you were to rate my look on a scale of jamming to slamming?
Nick
Ow ow, D.Z.! You're hair's really sharp.
Oh, sorry. I must have overgelled.
Okay, D.Z., back away from the JONAS. Whatever is going on, it can't be that bad.
The-the truth is I'm not the player you think I am. And I've never been on a date before. There, I said it.
That is a huge shock. - But it's gonna be okay.
All right? I'm meeting Andrea tonight. My threads are busted, And this bling is giving me a rash.
Okay, I can help you. But you're gonna have to do it my way, understand?
- Yeah, where do we start?
May I present the new and majorly-improved D.Z.?
Nick
Wow, D.Z., is that really you?
Holla! Back up the cool bus. Vroom. Beep beep beep beep. (beatboxes) - Whoo.
Nick
- Yep, it's still you.
I forgot he still talks. It really kills the look.
Wait wait, you guys think I need more than this?
Girls love a good dresser, but the clothes are just the packaging.
Nick
Uh-oh, Macy's about to lay some knowledge on us, D.Z.
Oh, well, D.Z.'s all ears.
- Well, we like a guy with confidence.
- I reek of confidence. That's my body spray-- "Confidence" by Stone Stevens.
Nick
Yeah, there's such a thing as too much confidence. (blows the body spray around him away then he covers his nose)
We like it when you listen to us.
Oh, like I said, all ears.
- But still have your own opinions.
- Totally. - (whispers) About what?
- Oh, I know! We like a guy who can make us laugh...
Well, I got this off the back of a gum wrapper: Why don't seagulls fly by the bay? Because then they'd be called "bay-gulls. - Stop it.
- But not with jokes. I really hate jokes.
Ahem. Come on, flying baked goods?
D.Z., just listen. Care about your family and your friends. And show the world you have a beautiful spirit. And always always chew with your mouth closed. - Got it?
One more thing: If you like a girl, you should tell her, so she's not confused by the messages you're sending.
Got it, processed. Outskis. (leaves)
Nick
- You deserve a medal.
- Thank you. So anything I said surprise you at all? Or...?
Nick
Jokes-- I didn't know they were a deal breaker. (leaves)
Nick
Ready for another lesson?
Nick
How about some "Three Blind Mice"? I hear it's a big hit with the kids these days.
Nick
Is something wrong?
Nick, when I was telling D.Z. All those things girls like in a guy, I was really talking about all the things I like in a guy.
Nick
You were?
And if I, let's say, found this guy who had all of those qualities, - I'd really hope that he'd like me too.
Nick
- I'd hope so too. - Ow.
- Nick, it was you. Okay? I was describing you. - Forget it.
Nick
- Macy, wait.
Nick
What I'm trying to say is I like you. And I've been wanting to tell you ever since I saw you this summer.
Well, there it is. What took you so long?
Nick
I guess I was just scared.
If anyone should be scared, it's me.
Nick
- Why?
- Because this is crazy. You're a rock star and I'm your--
Nick
- Macy.
- I'm your Macy. I like the sound of that.
Nick
Me too.
This has been such a weird day. (sighs) It feels good to be home. Do you guys think there's such thing as a cat masseuse? I mean, this is L.A., so there probably is. There are like pet therapists and pet psychics. That's crazy stuff. So what are we doing? Do you want to order in? Like, I'm kind of hungry, but I'm kind of not hungry. You know?
Jonas · 237 quotes
