JoeHey, guys, check it out. There's a new How well do you know JONAS quiz? in the new "Teenster"magazine. Let's see how well I know Joe. Yes, no, yes, no, Armadillo. Ah! Five out of five. I'm a real Joe-nut.
Hey, your favorite snack is not cherry pudding.
Yeah, it's chocolate tacos. (romantic music plays) mmm. And your favorite color is not medium spring green.
We need to straighten Teenster magazine out.
We need to write a letter. Uh, anybody have a pen? (He, Nick and Joe check their pockets.)
Joe
Hold on. (Walks over to window and opens it. The sound of scream fans flood the place.) Excuse me girls, does anybody have a pen? INCOMING!
Joe
Clear.
Joe
Wow! Our fans are the best.
And they’re freakishly accurate.
Joe
Oh! Look at her. Have you ever seen anyone so beautiful? Look at how she plays. Such passion!
Joe
Punch me in the arm so I know I’m not dreaming.
(Punches Joe in the arm very hard.)
Joe
(Grunts) Not dreaming cause that really hurt.
Unless you're dreaming that it really hurt. So that it would make it a "dream-hurt".
(Punches Kevin in the arm very hard.) Did that dream-hurt or regular-hurt?
(Mumbles) Not a dream-hurt.
Joe
Hi.
Joe
Can I carry that for you?
Joe
(grunting) Have you ever considered a forklift? So, what's your name?
Joe
Angelina, like angel with an "ina" on the end.
Yeah. My mom calls me Annie-bug. My little sister calls me Annie bu-banny. But most people call me Angie. What's your name?
Joe
Really?
Joe
Joseph. Joe for short. My brothers call me danger. My mom calls me Joe-bear. But let's keep that between us because I don't want that leaking to the media.
The media? Oh! I know who you are. You're one of those brothers in that band that goes here.
Joe
Yup, JONAS me, Kevin and Nick. The guys staring right at us. (Joe points to Kevin and Nick then Angelina sees Joe's brothers so Kevin hides behind his locker and Nick waves at Angelina and she waves back) So do you want to grab something to eat sometime?
No thanks. I don't go out with rockstars.
Joe
Why? Don't you eat?
Look, you're famous. You have a posse. You probably played to thousands of screaming fans.
Joe
Tens of thousands. Isn't that cool?
Not really. I just don't go out with rock star types.
Joe
But I'm a nice rock star type.
I have orchestra. (Bell rings and she leaves to her class)
Joe
(Sad) Okay. Bye.
So you're going out with cello girl.
Joe
No, she says because I'm a rock star, I must be some kind of jerk.
What? In my experience, girls like guys because they're rock stars.
Sometimes, I wonder if that's the only reason girls like me. Well, that and my boyish charm. (Kevin's teeth dings and Nick shakes his head)
Joe
Guys, this is serious. I think I like her.
Like really like her like her.?
Joe
Like really like her like her.
Joe
Like yeah!
Kevin: Whoa.
Then we'll help you show the sweet, down to earth panda-loving guy you really are
Joe
I do love pandas
I love koalas. (sighs) They're so emo, and they eat all that eucalyptus so their breath is so minty fresh!
Joe Unlike yours.
Kevin What? (Nick unwraps a peppermint candy for Kevin's smelly breath and Nick toss it in Kevin's mouth)
How did this magazine get in my locker?
Joe
I have no idea. (A montage of Joe is shown trying to put the magazine in the locker by shoving it, then by using the baseball bat, then by using a hammer and a garden shovel while wearing goggles and then with a toothpick and it successfully enters the locker so he leaves happily.) But take a look on the cover says "Joe of JONAS. A regular guy there's a picture of me bowling in rental shoes, size 9 regular.
Regular people don't have have their faces on the cover of magazines.
Joe
Stella! This is my friend, Stella. We've been best friends since I was three. Stella, can you tell her what a regular I am?
Macy, why don't you tell her?
I--I-- I don't know who you are, mister. I don't know that you're a giant rock star and wear size 9 regular bowling shoes. Leave me alone!
Classic Macy, I can't to tell-- no phone. (whispers) No life.
Joe
This isn't going well for me, is it?
Look, Joe, last year I went out with a guy who was also a star. He was a champion mathlete and all I would do was replace the batteries in his calculators and sharpen his pencils.
Joe
I would never be like that. I hate calculators and I don't have a pencil.
I just don't think it wouldn't work out between us. (She closes her and leaves)
Joe
But I like like you.
Joe
Look, Amy from Boise writes, "Joe, even though we've never met, I know you're a very kind and generous person". And look she would know because she signs it xoxo-xoxo, heart, heart, smiley face.
Joe, I know you like Angelina, but she's just one girl, okay? Unless she has an identical twin, in which case she is mistaken and I apologize
And dude, it is time to move on!
Joe
I don't want to move on. I've never met a girl like her. She's passionate, talented and beautiful.
So who's passionate, talented and beautiful besides your mother? (chuckles) (whispers) She could hear everything through those holes
Joe
This girl at school, she thinks because I'm a rock star, I must be some kind of jerk.
Your mom and I worked very hard, so you wouldn't turn into some kind of rock star jerk. All right? If I do say so myself, I think we've done pretty well with all you boys.
Joe
It's just she won't come within a mile of me.
Tom: No, she won't come within a mile of the person who thinks you are, not who you are, because who you are, not the person she thinks who you are, is who thinks you really
Joe
What?
You're not a jerk, all right? Just be yourself and she'll realize she's wrong, okay? Even if you do just the littlest thing, a woman will appreciate it. (loudly) Because women are perspective, sensitive and intelligent.
Dad, mom's at the park with Frankie.
Oh, yeah, that's right. (loudly) Nevermind.
Joe
Excuse me. Hi, I'd like to join the orchestra.
I'm sorry, I don't allow late adds to the orchestra. You'll get no v.i.p treatment here, young man. Unless.
Joe
Unless?
Well, there is one particular percussion instrument for which I've trying to find a sucker (chuckles) candidate.
Joe
Lay it on me. They don't call me danger for nothing.
(whispers) What are you doing here?
Joe
I just came over to say hi. Hi
Did you join the orchestra, just so you could flirt with me.
Joe
Of course not.
It's one thing to ask me out in the hallway and not take no for an answer but I'm serious about my music and you're interrupting the whole orchestra. I don't want to go out with you!
Joe
Man, I wish that song was three seconds longer.
Joe
This is not working. I joined orchestra and Angelina hates me even more for it.
I guess we're gonna have to talk you up in front of her, (loudly) tell her how awesome of a guy you are! I didn't do that right, did I?
Excuse me, the only annoying noise, I allow in here is by the orchestra.
Cool, in that case sign us up. (Joe and Kevin look at him) Trust me.
Really? All three professional musicians want to to join my orchestra on the same day. Is this a joke or? Oh, I get it. I get it. I'm being punk'd right? Oh, I'll play along. What do you guys want to play?
Anything by Mozart would be nice.
Oh, if we could stay away from "Peter and the Wolf. Wolves scare me and I'm not so sure about that Peter either.
I meant which instruments?
Here try this one. Remember, it's a side with the strings on it.
Yeah, hey, um... you're in.
Everybody make room for Kevin. Come on everybody, slide down. Move.
Well, cello there. See what I did? I put "hello" and "cello" together. Joe's a really great guy.
How about you? What can you play?
This one goes out to Angelina in the strings section. My bro, he’s the kindest guy that I know, he likes to take things slow, he’s just a regular Joe.
Welcome to the orchestra.
Huh. Thank you. I'll be here all period.
All right. All right. Settle down, people. Settle down. As you know the school recital is coming up and our version of "The Blue Danube" sounds like cats in wet cement. Yes, I'm looking at you, violins. So if we could please just get through it once with no one hurting themselves. And... four years of dentistry school down the tubes.
30's your limit, bro. I'm cutting you off.
Joe
Don't count, man! That's not cool.
Joe is in crisis mode. I texted you over an hour ago. I needed you to bring the rainbow sprinkled donuts and the coffee flavored ice cream.
Stella: Texting texting-- That's all anybody ever talks or texts about! Don't you realize there are other ways of communicating with me? Try writing me a note for a change! Huh? Huh?
"Stop yelling at us." (laughing and gives the notepad back to Nick) I'm fine. Everything's fine. Sorry about the yelling. Ice cream and donuts, coming right up.
Stella, you do realize you do not have a cell phone in your hands, right?
I may not have a cell phone, but at least I have my sanity. Send. (she leaves and Nick sits on the stool across from Joe)
Joe
I only joined the orchestra so I could impress Angelina, but we just made things worse.
Joe, music is the one thing that you and Angelina both love. Show her how passionate you are and she'll come around.
Joe
How can I show her my passion for music with this? (picks up the triangle and plays it)
All right. Let's not be so quick to judge the triangle. In many ways you and the triangle are a lot alike.
Three-sided? Made of metal? Really annoying?
No, disrespected. Put down!
Joe
Misunderstood!
Yeah, totally! And he's made of metal?
Joe
I rock the triangle so hard. You're welcome.
Joe
Hi
Your solo was amazing. Sorry I was kind of a snob there.
Joe
Do snobs eat chocolate tacos? We're gonna go grab some.
Chocolate tacos? They're my favorite!
Joe
Mine too.
They're not your favorite. They're my favorite.
Remember what Teenster magazine said?
Never mind. It hurts too much to care.
It's--it's--the boys who shall not be named. J-J--J-J--J--
Joe
What? What? What?
I can't take it anymore! Yes! Yes! Good. Texting Good! O.M.G.! Oh, I'm here, baby. Mama's here. I'll never leave you again.
You're texting! You're texting!
Yeah, I cracked, okay? You win! Just leave us alone. (she leaves)
I can talk. I can talk. JONAS. JONAS. JONAS. Joe of JONAS, can you sign my program from last night's performance?
Joe
Sure, why not? Does anybody have a pen? (he checks his pockets)
Joe
Oops.
KJKevin, Joe and Nick
Run!
No! (He has a bad dream so he screams which makes Joe and Kevin wake up from their sleep and Joe is protecting himself with a guitar)
The monkeys! Aw! (Grunting) Hyah! (pulls up his eye mask just a little bit)
Guys, it's all me. Bad dream. (Kevin and Joe sigh)
Joe
Were we wearing underwear and birthday hats?
You were wearing that too?
Not this time. Everyone back to bed. (he tells Kevin and Joe to go back to sleep then he goes back to his bed)
Okay. (he walks to his bed) Oh, guys, can someone turn on the relaxation CD?
Joe
Sure. (he stands on his bed and he turns on a nature CD)
How am I supposed to fall asleep to that.
Joe
It's the wrong one.
Joe
Nick's never had writer's block before. It's been three weeks and he hasn't written anything.
I know what we can do. We can introduce him to a girl, make him fall in love with that girl, make the girl break up with him. Broken heart, brand new song! Unless that would be totally wrong.
Joe
Yeah, that would be pretty wrong. (Kevin and Frankie are setting up the table)
(holds the guitar) Nick out. Frankie in.
Joe
Frankie, that's plan B. (Frankie walks away the guitar)
Well, if he doesn't come up with a song by the end of the day tomorrow, we can't get the album done on time.
Joe
(talking about Nick and his writer's block) What if he can't write anymore? What if he can't write another song for as long as he lives?
Joe
Then that would be pretty embarrassing for all of us!
Don't worry, okay? I've got my song-writing shoes on.(He shines his shoes) I wore these babies when I wrote our first number-one hit and our second number-one hit.
Ooh, I am so sorry about that. I forgot I left that there.
Oh, it's quick-dry spackle. Now with "quicker quick dry". Mmm.
Um... I think we can help you, Nick. Just grab him. (Grunts) One, two, three! All the fun stuff happens to you.
Joe
So, Nick, you think you can write that song, today. Maybe? You could write about really anything. Doesn't have to be about relationships.
Joe
It could be about animals or trees or plants. (he walks to the table and Kevin walks to Nick)
Joe, I appreciate the concern, but would be really nice not to mention the new song at all.
You got it! (He pours Crunchy Cats into Nick's bowl and Nick is annoyed at Kevin) How about a little bit of new song. I mean, new song. Oh, um, you want more new song? How about some Crunchy Cats cereal with a brand-new-good-morning taste of some new song? (He walks away with his hand over his mouth)
Joe
Oh, sorry about that. Let me give you a towel.
It's so nice in here. Oh, the sunshine and the birds singing. Not that I'm thinking of songs or-- or anything.
Joe
Nick, please tell me you got something. Please please please. (he and Kevin walk closer to Nick but he doesn't want to be bothered)
Guys, I'm trying to write here. (A bird pooped on the guitar)
Joe
That's supposed to be very lucky.
How am I supposed to wash this off?
It's hard enough to write after having the worst day of my life. And you eyeballing me doesn't help. (Nick looks at Joe then he continues to write songs)
What does make the worst day of a life? Let's reflect.
Get out. (he angrily tells his brothers to leave the bedroom)
Joe
Fine. You don't have to be so mean.
Joe
We're gone.
TTV
Now a message from Crunchy cats! Crunchy crunchy, meow meow meow
I've got it. I've got the song. I've got a new song! I dreamt an awesome song.(Joe, Kevin and Tom run upstairs after they heard that Nick has a new song)
Joe
Great!
You're my son again. Let's hear this.
I can't remember it. I can't remember the song. (He stares at the keyboard blankly)
(laughing) Come on-- there's only 88 keys here. Nick, just hit one. Here, how about-- Was that note in it? How about this note? Does this note ring a bell? This note? Nick? This note? How about one of these black ones. These are weird.
Dad, dad! Step away from the keyboard.
That's the one! (points to a black key as Kevin pulls him away) Okay, I'm sorry. Everything's good. I'm gonna be downstairs not freaking out. Just relaxing. Nick, do this thing. (Tom is heard crying downstairs and Kevin is walking down the steps and he is going to sleep on the ottoman)
Joe
Nick? Don't worry about dad. He doesn't know how to chill.
I can't believe the song's gone.
Joe
It can't be gone! (He walks to Nick and grabs his arm to pull him away from the chair) We have one day. Go back to bed.
Joe
Go back to sleep. Dream it again.
I can't-- I can't just dream it again.
Joe
Come on! Say goodnight and goodbye, la la la la. Kevin, help me out here! Kevin!
Joe
What are we gonna do? We need to get this song back.
I can't just dream it again.
Kevin: Sure you can. Okay, One time I had this dream about a lemur feeding me chocolate pudding. And of course, I wanted to dream it again.
Joe
Well, who wouldn't?
So I repeated everything exactly the same way, it happened to me all day long. And then sure enough, I went to sleep and boom! (sighs) The lemur was surprised to see me again.
I'm not repeating this awful day. (he stands up)
Joe
Even if you'll dream the song again?
So you're saying Kevin had a good idea?
Joe
It was bound to happen eventually.
Okay. I will repeat the worst day of my life for the sake of this band.
Joe
That's more like it. I'm proud of you. (he gives Nick a pat on the chest)
I just wanted to get a head start.
Jonas · 237 quotes
