Dukey quotes from Johnny Test

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

If you were a finger, I'd pick you a booger.

So you pitch me the ball and I accidentally hit it through the open family room window and bash! Right into the old stinky TV. It breaks and dad buys a new one. Now pitch, dog!

Um, that was the windshield on your dad's car.

[counting by his fingers] 3, 2, 1...

Hugh

[offscreen] JOHNNY!!!

Run.

Bumper

So I get to beat up Test and you guys won't call my mom?

Beat away.

Bumper

Awesome! [he runs off to beat up Johnny]

[sprays gas at Bumper] Awesome!

Hugh

Johnny! You are in big trouble mister, and you look ridiculous and- [Johnny sprays gas on him to make him hush]

[walks up to Johnny] Okay, let's go get that $10,000.

Oh you can say that again! [The Caveman runs up to him but he realize that he ran out of stink after spending it on the wrestlers] Whoa! Didn't see that coming!

[panicking] HE'S OUT OF STINK!

Come on! The door's open. Run! Run for your life!

[hanging on the hook's trap] I'm stuck, I'm stuck, I'm stuck!

[angrily to Susan and Mary] I told you this was dangerous! I told you something could go wrong!

Susan

What can we say? You were right.

Susan

Well, the bad news is mom and dad kept the $10,000.

But the good news is they bought a new HDTV with it.

Which I can't watch for a month 'cause I'm grounded from TV.

And us from the lab.

Right, so let's play some ball! [he throws the baseball to Johnny which causes him to break the new HDTV] That was the TV.

[counting by his fingers] 3, 2, 1.

[offscreen; angrily] JOHNNY!!!

Hugh

[shows up and takes the game away from the boys] Johnny, THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT!

But, dad, I'm training to be a Tiny-Mon master, so I can snag more Tiny'Mons so I can catch the Legendary Screechereen, which may or may not exist.

Hugh

Johnny, there are only 2 things in this world I don't understand and that's woman and Tiny'Mon. [Dukey yawns] And you need to stop playing or you'll get lost inside your own Tiny'Mon world and NEVER COME OUT! [he leaves with Johnny and Dukey's game]

We're going to the lab aren't we?

[surprised] You didn't bathe for 5 weeks and rub fish on yourself for me?

Uh-huh. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you.

I need a new bike.

Hugh

What happened to your old bike?

First, we test to jump with these look-like dummies, then calculate the speed and trajectory will need to make the jump for real!

It's genius!

Uh... it got stolen?

Hugh

Hm?

(Dramatic) Why, dad, why did it have to get stolen?

Hugh

I'll get you a new bike for your birthday. (Johnny looks overjoyed) Which is seven months away.

(Angrily flails his arms) YOU DON'T LOVE ME!!

Hugh

I do love you, son, and I will always love and accept you for who you are your entire life.

I don't know what that means.

Hugh

It means you're not getting a new bike until your birthday.

DARN IT!!

Hi, Mr. Test, would you like to buy some ladybird scout cookies?

Hugh

No, because I'm... I believe the lady bird scouts have lost their way and have become nothing but a door to door cookie company using free labor, and although I like you sissy, I can no longer buy these cookies. (Walks away)

Your dad is weird.

Yeah, I know. (Johnny & Sissy look at each other) You look dumb.

Do you want to buy some cookies, Test?

Oh wow, ladybird scout cookies, they look so good and... No. (Dukey hits Johnny) Ow!

I mean, give me a box of Wow! Wow! Chocolate Chunkies. (Dukey hits Johnny then shakes his head "no") Ow, Coconut Dribblers?

Hm!

Lemon Buckwalt? (Dukey groans while shaking his head "no" yet again. Johnny takes the blue box of cookies) Butter Scotch Blah Blas?

Yes! Only 999 boxes to go.

To go for what?

When you sell lady bird scout cookies, (Sissy opens a blue folder attached on her clipboard and it reveals prizes depending on the boxes of cookies sold) you can win prizes like backpacks, pen sets, and if you sell a thousand boxes, you get new bike.

Stop!

Susan

Sit. (Wentworth sits down) Good boy. (Gives Wentworth steak. Wentworth eats the steak) What do you want this time, little brother? A lerinx transplant so you can sing like a rockstar?

Or a DNA adjustment that will make your tongue taste like bubble gum?

No, we need your old ladybird scout uniforms.

Susan

That's a new one.

Now all we have to do is sell 1,000 boxes of this crud, and zoom, we're in brand new bike city!

And here comes our first customer.

And with all those side effects swimming around in that monster, there's no telling what that thing will do!

[furious] There's plenty of telling what that thing will do! It will do what all your experiments do - destroy the town! Because you are all INSANE!!!

[in unison] No, we're adventurous. There's a huge difference.

Lila

I'm calling Wendell, Tyler, Sissy and Bumper's moms again! You need a best friend, mister!

I have a best friend, ok! A best friend who plays catch with me outside, skateboards with me and eats my table scraps. Dukey.

Hugh

Dukey is a great dog, son. But... you need to talk to someone other than yourself.

(to Dukey) Say 'hi'. Go on, say it. Say it before they destroy me with friends!

Lila

Johnny, dogs don't talk.

[Standing on his hind legs] I talk. (Mom and Dad gasp) Yeah, I'm like a really great dog. (Laughs, and Mom and Dad faint.)

Susan

Eh, they'll be fine in about 2 hours.

Hugh

Uh, is there anything you like to say, Dukey?

Well, I've been dying to say that if you really want to increase sales you need to establish better relationships with your clients.

Lila

That makes sense.

And Dad, your meatloaf is overcooked. Lower the temperature to 415, cook with foil on top for the last ten minutes and it's missing cumin and barbecue sauce.

Hugh

He's right. By golly, he's right! Let's cook a meatloaf right now, boy!

Lila

Dukey, wait! I want more business tips.

Ok, I think this is going well.

You guys are pathetic!

No, totally pathetic!

Susan

We know.

Way to go, my army! We have captured Spain, and their flan!

Freeze, King Johnny! Your reign and this game are over!

I say when the game is over and PAWNS ATTACK!

Attention, crazy person!

Come out with your royal hands up or massive force will be... used... on... you...

Oh, for the love of... is that Johnny in there?

Yep.

Why can't you guys be like normal kids and play board games?

That's kind of what we're doing. (Laughs.)