Lila quotes from Johnny Test

Hugh

Dinner time! This is the last of the jerky, so take small bites.

Lila

Jerky!? WE'RE ALL SICK OF JERKY!! [she slaps the plate out of Dad's hands, smashing it into pieces]

Now The Caveman is mad and he's getting his club. And that means Stinkin' Johnny is gonna get it too! [laughs] Nothing can save Stinkin' Johnny now.

Hugh

[comes in angrily dressed as the Cagin' Mad Dad] STOP RIGHT THERE!

Dad?

Except for the Cagin' Mad Dad!

Hugh

Now that is my son and although he's in big trouble. You'll be in more if you lay 1 hand- [The Caveman throws him out and he lands on Dukey's back] Ooh, soft landing! AND YOU'LL ALL BE IN BIG TROUBLE!

[worried] But not as much as Johnny!

Hey, now! If you could just put me down so I could go home and forget this whole-

Uh-huh!

Yeah, I didn't think so.

And the madness continues as the Caveman must now take the OVERPROTECTIVE MOM!

Lila

Don't you dare lay a finger on that boy!

Ooh! [he laughs as he presses Johnny's costume, then Lila grabs his arm and throws him on the floor 3 times]

And The Caveman is down for a triple way! [Lila jumps on The Caveman's back] And the body slam! Rope dive!

Hugh

You see girls? That's why I never upset your mother.

[as Lila finishes off to defeat The Caveman] UNBELIEVABLE! The Caveman is coming back to 1 last attack.

Hugh

Oh, he really shouldn't do that.

And the Overprotective Mom wins!

[satisfied; after his mom saved him] You were awesome! You were amazing! And you're gonna punish me, right?

Lila

Oh, big time.

Susan

Well, the bad news is mom and dad kept the $10,000.

But the good news is they bought a new HDTV with it.

Which I can't watch for a month 'cause I'm grounded from TV.

And us from the lab.

Right, so let's play some ball! [he throws the baseball to Johnny which causes him to break the new HDTV] That was the TV.

[counting by his fingers] 3, 2, 1.

[offscreen; angrily] JOHNNY!!!

[Notices that Lila is Home due to car skidding noises] And now, it's about to get worse.

Lila

Why is the house smoking with burned cupcakes all over the lawn?! [Camera zooms out showing the house is smoking with burned cupcakes all over the lawn.] And why did I get a call from the Principal saying: "Johnny cuts school"!?

Yep, we're dead.

(tries to imitate Hugh's voice) Uh, uh, I mean, I have a cold.

Lila

Someone tell me what's going on!

We switched places to find out who had a tougher life. And they're both pretty tough! And frankly, Mom, you should take advantage of Dad.

Lila

You switched their BODIES?!

Susan

No! We switched their brains.

Lila

Oh. WELL, SWITCH THEM BACK!

I'm back to normal!!

Lila

But I'm still mad at all of you! I worked hard all day and all week, and I don't want to come home to a destroyed house. And now, (Yelling) I HAVE TO MAKE THE CUPCAKES!!!!!

[Running] AAAAHHH! GET AWAY, EUGENE, I'M NOT INTO YOU!!!

Bling Bling Boy

But I love you, Susan Test, who clearly has a cold!

Hugh

Well, Your mom's getting ahead of Eugene pretty good. I wonder how Susan's baking's going? [Everyone but Dukey put on their glasses]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Ha! It really is like the 4th of July!

Lila

I'm calling Wendell, Tyler, Sissy and Bumper's moms again! You need a best friend, mister!

I have a best friend, ok! A best friend who plays catch with me outside, skateboards with me and eats my table scraps. Dukey.

Hugh

Dukey is a great dog, son. But... you need to talk to someone other than yourself.

(to Dukey) Say 'hi'. Go on, say it. Say it before they destroy me with friends!

Lila

Johnny, dogs don't talk.

[Standing on his hind legs] I talk. (Mom and Dad gasp) Yeah, I'm like a really great dog. (Laughs, and Mom and Dad faint.)

Susan

Eh, they'll be fine in about 2 hours.

Hugh

Uh, is there anything you like to say, Dukey?

Well, I've been dying to say that if you really want to increase sales you need to establish better relationships with your clients.

Lila

That makes sense.

And Dad, your meatloaf is overcooked. Lower the temperature to 415, cook with foil on top for the last ten minutes and it's missing cumin and barbecue sauce.

Hugh

He's right. By golly, he's right! Let's cook a meatloaf right now, boy!

Lila

Dukey, wait! I want more business tips.

Ok, I think this is going well.

Hugh

Why is using your manners at the dinner table so difficult for you?

Because dinner is so boring.

Hugh

How would you know? You never sit still long enough. 1 night. Is that too much to ask. Ha! I bet you couldn't even do it for 1 night.

I totally could.

Lila

Yeah, I don't think so, sweetheart.

Hugh

You think you can just sit there and not spill, burp, mini vomit, make a gross comment or destroy anything at tomorrow's dinner? And eat whatever's put in front of you?

Piece of cake. And if I do it and win the bet you have to do my homework for a week and buy me ten new video games.

Hugh

And when I win you clean your room for a year and yell from the rooftop for everyone to hear that you love my meatloaf.

Deal!

Lila

I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS INSANITY!!

He started it!

Lila

I don't want to hear it. You're both responsible. Johnny, would it be too much to keep your elbows off the table, excuse yourself after burping and ask for things instead of reaching for them?

(awkwardly) No.

Lila

And dear, we're not sitting with the Queen of England can you not be such a stickler about manners? Lighten up a little. And maybe choose ingredients for your Around the World Meatloafs that this family would actually enjoy eating?

Hugh

(awkwardly) Yes.