A character in Joan of Arcadia
Played by Amber Tamblyn
Joan of Arcadia · 72 quotes
Most-quoted character in Joan of Arcadia: in 46 of its 72 quotes
Most scenes with: Cute Boy God (15), Luke (11), Kevin (5)
JoanWell I can't do any stunts. No, No, and how about the jumps? So, so. So why am I here, well it's really odd, but I'm here to cheer on a mission from God. So put me in the game or leave me on the bench, so you can go to heaven and I'll get out of French.
JoanGo Eagles! Go Eagles!
Go, go, go Eagles!
We live to cheer,
we're so sincere,
unless you get in trouble,
then we're out of here.
It's such a royal pain
when friend gets arrested.
How could I have known?
How could I have guessed it?
It's not like she's my sister,
(Whoops, is that my beeper)
and even if she was,
am I my sister's keeper?
Sorry, got to go
tryouts are today
Tell them that we'll think of her
Every time that we say
Go Eagles! Go Eagles!
Go, go, go Eagles!
My name is Joan,
this cheer is my own,
so kiss my feathers
'cause this bird has flown
[After Will and Helen kiss]
JoanI thought we established the Kitchen as a no PDA zone.
[after going into a shop with a sign saying "Madame Marie: Fortunes Told"]
JoanHi, how much of my future can I get for five dollars?
So, what you do is that you shoot these photons at this piece of paper...
JoanThere's a pervert in the yard!!
..and a pervert appears in the yard.
JoanWhat about my hair?
It's on your head.
JoanWho are you?
I've known you since before you were born, Joan.
JoanI'm going to ask you one more time.
I'm God.
JoanYou're what?
God.
JoanDon't ever...talk to me again.
JoanLet's... let's say you're God.
Joan, I am God.
JoanOkay, well, let's see a miracle.
Okay. How 'bout that?
JoanThat's a tree.
Let's see you make one.
JoanSo, my true nature is to be a catalyst? That is mad anti-climatic.
Anti climactic. Anti-climatic means you're against the weather.
I remember normal. Back when I was normal, I wanted them to buy me a car. You know what they said? They said "No." they said "Be a man. Get a job, buy your own car." So, what's changed since then? Huh? Joan, what's changed?
JoanYou know what's changed.
Yep. Nobody expects me to be a man anymore.
[Kevin leaves, Joan yells after him]
JoanYou stopped trying! You just sit around and smoke in the park like some subdefective!
JoanMake Kevin walk, please? I just ask this one favor and then I'll never ask for one again. It's so easy for you. All you have to do is snap your fingers or blink your eyes. Just let Kevin stand up.
People ask me to do things - big things, little things - billions of times, every day.
JoanWhat do you expect? You're God!
I put a lot of thought into the Universe; came up with the rules. It sets a bad example if I break them - not to mention, shows favoritism. Why should one person get a miracle, and not everybody else? Can you imagine the confusion? It's better when we all abide by the rules.
JoanNo miracles?
Miracles happen within the rules.
[On the phone] Yes sir. I understand, but I assure you, my guys are on it.
JoanSir? Who does he call Sir?
His boss.
JoanHe doesn't have a boss.
Sure he does. The Commissioner, the Mayor, the Attorney General, Mom.
Joan Girardi? Sign Here.
JoanOh. I never get anything in the mail.
You owe eleven dollars and fifty cents.
[Joan turns around to call her mom for the money.]
Un uh. You have twelve dollars in you pocket you were going to use to buy a Frappuccino and a muffin when you skip history class after lunch. Which by the way. Do not do that.
JoanOh God. You're just a three ring circus aren't you?
Ok, price went up. Give me the whole twelve.
JoanWhat are you going to do with money?
It's not what I'm going to do with it. It's what you're going to do without it.
You smell that? It's like essence of pimp.
JoanYeah, it's pretty bad. It's really girly. Hard to believe he's straight.
Hard to believe and hard to care.
JoanYou know, I know he's not your type, I know he isn't mine. (Grace gives her a look) If he weren't my brother. I'm more into athlete type. You know that's my thing. Football players, wrestlers. Abs. Big forearms.
Small cerebral cortex.
(in a whisper) Wrestlers?
JoanMind your own business.
Oh Joan, it would have been so much easier if you just read the book. Now I'm gonna have to send you to the basement.
JoanYou mean like, Hell?
No, I mean, like, the basement. There's one in the school. Check it out.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Joan of Arcadia pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
