Will quotes from Joan of Arcadia

Will

I need you to tell her. I don't know why, but I really need it, Helen. Maybe it's because I'm so afraid of her not knowing how close it is to her, all of the time. Please do this for me.

Will

[On the phone] Yes sir. I understand, but I assure you, my guys are on it.

Joan

Sir? Who does he call Sir?

Luke

His boss.

Joan

He doesn't have a boss.

Luke

Sure he does. The Commissioner, the Mayor, the Attorney General, Mom.

When I was 29 I was in a car accident and I died. And no, I don't remember a tunnel. I didn't see any dead loved ones, no angels. Nothing like that. It's just that when I woke up, everything was different. I was different. I asked the doctor, and he said this was not uncommon among near-death survivors. And then shortly after that, I began having dreams that came true. And weird visions. It was like I could hear peoples thoughts. I don't know the why of it, but I made the decisions that as long as I had this bizarre ability, I might as well use it to help people.

Will

And get paid for it. Help people for a price.

Yeah, like you. Is it because of the tragedy? I mean that this makes you so angry and unwilling. You've had a tragedy.

Will

Who hasn't?

Helen

(To Charlotte) So, are you a detective?

No. Actually I'm a psychic.

Helen

A psychic, that's interesting.

Your daughter has a very special connection to the universe.

Joan

[Awkwardly] No I don't.

Luke

No, it's true. She is from another planet.

[To Helen] It was nice to meet you. You have a lovely family.

Helen

Nice to meet you.

Will

[To Kevin] What did she say to you?

Kevin

Nothing.

Joan

Can I interrupt this moment of family tension to say that I will not be representing the school in the chess tournament.

Luke

Was that ever a possibility?

Joan

There was a brief moment of insanity.

Helen

Joan, that is such an honor. Why would you turn that down?

Joan

Because I don't know how to play chess. I keep telling everybody that but no one believes it.

Luke

I believe you.

Joan

Thank you. I don't understand it.

Luke

It's just strategy and a little bit of living in the future.

Will

Please, no more talk about the future.

Luke

That's how it works, Dad. I mean, you see four moves ahead, it's empirical. You see five moves ahead, it's still grounded in science. I mean, who knows where the demarcation is? Now, if you see twelve moves ahead, maybe you're crossing over into psychic phenomenon. And maybe that's what a psychic does. She just sees the board of life better then we do.

Will

There are a million people with white cars and dogs.

Kevin

[Interrupting to make a point] She said I'd dance at my wedding. That's what she told me. Then again, she said Joan has a special connection to the universe, so go figure.

Will

What you reading? [she shows him the book] Why?

Helen

Because for me, sometimes it's like Kevin died, and I need to deal with that.

Will

Helen--

Helen

I know. I'm the one who's always preaching gratitude and moving on, and I was clinging to that so hard, and then it-- it stopped working for me. I felt alone, and I, um... I talked to a priest. I didn't want to bother you.

Will

That was the deal we made a long time ago. You get to bother me. You don't have to do anything alone.

Helen

I'm sorry I lied to you about the priest. That's who I met on my lunch break.

Will

You come to me, not some stranger. Promise me.

Thirteen bucks?

Will

I've got a wife and kids.

Oh, that changes everything, wife and kids. There's a free pass for that one.

Will

I'm not begging for mercy, I'm explaining why I only have thirteen bucks in my wallet.

Will

What's wrong?

Helen

Nothing! I'm seeing a nun and a priest!