Lines by Grandpa Piggley Winks 17
[Piggley has flipped his spoon on Miss Nanny's forehead.]
Grandpa PiggleyThat was the straw that broke the camel's back for Mr. McGandry. Right then and there, he decided that children would not be invited to his fancy party after all. Ferny and I couldn't have been more thrilled about the whole thing, and I don't think the other children cared much about it one way or the other. Dannan, however, was very disappointed about this turn of events. Not that either Ferny or I even noticed at the time.
[The events of "Rock Around the Cluck" in Molly's perspective.]
Piggley
[about Molly's violin playing] Well, I say she stinks! I've heard better sounds come out of a donkey's nose! They should arrest you for crimes against music! [laughs evilly]
Scenes with Grandpa Piggley Winks 57
[After the children have eaten the filling in the pie.]
Do you think your mother will notice, Piggley?
Piggley
Only if she looks.
[panics] Oh, no! What have we done, what have we done?! This is a disaster! A disaster! This is all your fault, Piggley! We're going to get in big, BIG-BIG-BIG-BIG-BIG-BIG TROUBLE!
[The goat sends Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan flying while in the cow costume.]
[Sean's voice] Hold it, Grandpa. Hold it. You mean the goat rammed all three of you into the air?
[Seamus' voice] In a goat costume?
Grandpa Piggley
Now, boys, do I look to you the sort of person who'd make up a thing like that?
Did it make your rump sore?
Grandpa Piggley
Well, I do still get a twinge in me backside every now and then.
[After the Winks' kitchen has been trashed by the goat.]
Oh, your mother's going to be powerful mad!
Piggley
Plan B. Molly, you go keep Mammy busy outside. We're going to clean up! Like Captain Clean of the Clean Brigade on a really clean, cleany day!
Okay, Piggley! [goes outside to distract Elly] Mammy! You came back!
Well, yes. I live here, don't you know?
[hanging on Mammy's arm] Oh! I am so glad you came home! Now you can... uh... you can hear me alphabet!
Oh, not right now, pet. I have things to-
A, B, C... Q, R, 1... I am not so nearly done.
[While cleaning the house, the kids have forgotten about the pie.]
PFPiggley and Ferny
THE PIE!!!
[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan have caught a small fish that they think is the Salmon of Knowledge. They are keeping it in the well on the farmyard.]
Do you really think that's the Salmon of Knowledge, Piggley?
Piggley
Course, it is! [to Ferny] Go ahead. Ask him somethin'. He knows everythin'.
Uh... [clears throat] Uh, Mr. Brainy Fish, uh, sir. Do ya... Uh, do ya know what, uh... I had for breakfast this mornin'?
[The fish looks up at Ferny, blows one bubble, then swims away from him.]
Piggley
There. See? He says "Yes". He knows.
Piggley
One bubble means "yes", and two bubbles means "no".
Okay, so what did Ferny have for breakfast today, hmm?
Piggley
Mr. Salmon says he had... [deep breath; quickly] Six eggs, fried spuds, soda bread with marmalade, fruit, kippers, beans, and mushrooms, and porridge with milk, the top of the bottle.
Oh... That's absolutely amazing! It really is the Salmon of Knowledge!
Piggley
Hey, Ferny. What do you wanna do tomorrow?
Well, I usually study on Sunday. But there's no need for that now, right?
Piggley
No, sir. Not while we've got Mr. Smart Fish around.
[Ferny's stomach starts growling.]
Janey Mack, I'm really hungry. [realizes something; gasps in horror] Wait! I didn't have breakfast this mornin'!
Piggley
[unfazed] Huh. So?
The Salmon of Knowledge was wrong! THE SALMON OF KNOWLEDGE WAS WRONG!!! [echoing]
Take your time, and more carefully, you'll have no trouble as long as you've studied.
Piggley
Or as long as you've got a fish with a brain as big as Mammy's icebox.
[Padrig finds Piggley getting swarmed by bugs.]
Careful with them fairies, son.
Piggley
"Fairies"?! Why, they're just bugs, dad.
They could be bugs. Or they could be fairies in disguise. Fairies do that, you know.
[A bug flies on Piggley's hand.]
Piggley
[disgusted] Agh... Nothin' this ugly could be a fairy, dad.
Careful. They don't care much now for insults. They just might turn you into a bug as well.
[One of the chickens pecks at Piggley's hand, eating the bug.]
Piggley
Ow!
Fairies work in mysterious ways, you know.
Piggley
[chuckles] Ah, you're just havin' me on. [beat] Aren'tcha?
[laughs] Why don'tcha run along and play now, Piggley? These chickens are fed enough.
Piggley
Thanks, dad! [runs off, passing Elly] Bye, mam!
[to Padrig] Now, what do you want to tell the boy stories like that for?
[laughs] Don't worry. Not even Piggley would believe that one!
[The mystery show Piggley Trotter, Private Eye is playing on the radio.]
PTPiggley Trotter
This is my town - a good town, with good people, and one bad one. Master criminal Big Sty had given me the slip again, and... I was calling it quits for the day. I headed for home, taking a shortcut through the park. That's when she walked up. She was prettier than a French poodle. The smile that made the chickens cackle.
MMysterious lady
Mr. Trotter... I need your help.
Piggley
[listening to the radio] It's a mysterious lady!
PTPiggley Trotter
Helping is my specialty, ma'am.
MMysterious lady
I think I'm being followed.
[Molly gasps.]
MMysterious lady
Followed by... Big Sty, master of disguise.
[Piggley wears a wig made of blue yarn, scaring Molly.]
MMysterious lady
No... I-- I...
BSBig Sty
[disguised as a policeman; speaking in a Cockney accent] Come with me, ma'am. I'll take ya down the station.
Piggley
No, no! Don't go with him, mysterious lady! Don't go!
PTPiggley Trotter
She's not going anywhere with you... Big Sty!!
[Piggley gasps, then falls to the floor.]
BSBig Sty
Ohhh! Curses! How did you know it was me, Trotter?!
PTPiggley Trotter
Policemen don't... wear... rubber... boots!
BSBig Sty
Ohhhhhh! Foiled again!
Grandpa Piggley
Hey. What's this now?
Mom wants us to sweep off the driveway.
Every time we get the leaves and stuff into a pile, the wind comes along and [throws the leaves in the air] "boofa-shisha-bwuwuf"!
Grandpa Piggley
Are my ears deceiving me, or did I hear me own flesh and blood say the word "quit"?
Grandpa, when something's this impossible, you have to give up!
What's so great about fishing?
Well, now. On Lake Beghorra, ya never know what you might see. Like the time not too long ago when I was out fishin'. I wasn't catchin' so much as a cold. Then all of a sudden, I hooked the strangest thing. A hat! A red hat!
[Piggley and Ferny gasp.]
It wasn't too long before a fella came swimmin' by, lookin' for the hat.
[Dannan, Molly, and Sweets gasp.]
I gave it back to him, and... he thanked me kindly. Then he disappeared beneath the water.
Piggley
Then what happened, dad?
Well, now... The next thing I knew, like a streak of light, me boat was jettin' across the lake, sure I couldn't see what was pullin' me, then suddenly, I came to a stop. I was at a part of the lake I'd never seen before. Lookin' around, I thought I saw that fella with the red hat swimmin' away. Then, a fish tail as big as your side slapped the water! And he was gone.
Piggley
Jakers! A... A merman!
Well, I can't say for sure, lads. All I know is that very place where me boat stopped... turned out to be the best fishin' spot of all time.
It's a long time sittin' in a boat, you know. Nowhere to go, nothin' to do.
Piggley
We don't mind. [has Ferny's voice] We love sittin'. With... nothin' to do.
It's a lot of responsibility, you know.
I'll be leavin' at the crack of dawn.
Piggley
We loooooove, looove gettin' up early! We'll all spend the night here, so we can leave first thing in the morning.
Now hold on a minute! I didn't say I'd take you!
[The kids start begging simultaneously.]
Piggley
Pleeeaaaase?!
We'll see how things go in the morning.
[The kids cheer.]
Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks · 152 quotes
