JAG quotes

Are you okay?

Yeah. Fine. You?

Yeah…thanks, Mac. That took guts.

You would have done the same for me.

Yeah, well the navy doesn't teach us tricks like that.

Neither does the Marine Corps. I saw it in a movie.

You saw it in a movie?

Yup. (She walks off.)

They don’t use real booby traps in movies.

Come on.

They make things up! Mac!

You know, if you want, I could call down to the front desk and ask them to send up a room divider.

I thought you’d want your own space.

How much more space do I need, Mac?

Well, fine. (She shuffles a little closer.)

You know, Mac, the temperature is gonna continue to drop, so if we don’t share body heat, we’re risking hypothermia.

You make it sound so inviting.

You want an invitation?

Yes.

Why don’t you come over here? It’s a little bit better than sleeping with scorpions.

All right.

Harriet

How about you and I forget that we’re lieutenants for five minutes? Just you and me.

And then what?

Tiner

Excuse me, lieutenant. Are you all right, ma’am?

Harriet

Perfect.

Lieutenant, what happened to your face?

I believe the proper response is I walked into a door.

Would you like to make a more formal response?

Yes, sir, I most definitely will respond, but not in any way that would require the admiral’s attention.

Carry on.

Harm? You ever thought about how you want to go?

No. Look, this thing is fixed. Let’s pack up and get out of here, huh?

I want to die like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

Oh yeah? Well, which one am I gonna be then?

Butch, of course.

Well, that’s true he was the brains of the operation.

Yeah, but Sundance was the shooter that everyone was afraid of. That’s how I want to go in a blaze of glory against impossible odds.

Turner

With you permission Admirals, I’d like to volunteer for TAD aboard the Watertown.

Commander, as much as I respect your service as a submariner, Commander Flagler is perfectly capable.

Turner

And I don’t mean to imply that he isn’t, sir. Only that I am Alec Baldwin.

Excuse me?

Turner

The Hunt for Red October movie, sir. Captain Yerastov is Sean Connery and I am Alec Baldwin, sir. I need to be aboard that boat.

Stay with him chief.

Like a fly on vegemite, sir.

Sturgis

Vegemite?

Spent some time in Australia, sir. It’s this, uh, like, jam they got down there. Tastes like diesel fuel til you get used to it.

Who is it?

Harm.

Uh, just a second. (Quickly starts to get dressed.)

Come on, Mac, what are you doing? Open up.

Uh, packing.

Well open up, let me help.

I’m also dressing.

I could help with that, too.

Petty officer, you can't go with them!

WATCH ME!

When’s the last time you ate, Coates?

I’m fine, sir.

Why don’t you go down to the mess hall and grab something to eat?

Sir, really, I’m not hungry.

It’s not a suggestion, Petty Officer. It’s an order.

Are you not hearing me?

Yes, sir. With all due respect sir, I’m wondering why you can disobey an order over your concern for Lt. Roberts and I can’t, sir?

Why don’t we uh, eat in shifts, Coates? You go first and then you can relieve one of us. I’ll come for you if we hear anything.

Sounds like a plan ma’am.

You know what ticks me off?

That she’s right?

That she ignored me and listened to you.

Marines have a command presence.

Just once I'd like for you not to have a comeback.

I don't have one for Bud dying.

You're not gonna need one.

Turner

I bet they toasted you in all three wardrooms after that stunt you pulled on Friday.

You were on a sub. How'd you know Harm flew that mission?

Turner

I heard a naval aviator got a cruise missile up his six and had to fly halfway to India to run it out of fuel. Only Superman, here, would be fool enough to pull a stunt like that.

Yeah well, I bet Alec Baldwin would have nailed that sub before it launched a missile.

Turner

Hey Harm--- we tried. That sub got a missile off just as we— Who told you about Alec Baldwin?

Lieutenant Singer told everyone at JAG you convinced the action group that you were Alec Baldwin.

Well, actually she said it was Sean Connery but Harriet knew who she meant.

Yeah. Harriet e-mailed Bud, that's how we found out about it. But I'm sure with Singer's mouth, half of DC knows by now that you think you're Alec Baldwin.

Or Sean Connery.

Turner

I will strangle that Lieutenant when we get back.

Oh, I know that look. That’s not a good look. I’ve seen that look before.

Is it that obvious?

Never play strip poker.

Hey. Tiner’s brew has reached yet another octane level. Want some?

I’m gonna go with the tea.

Yeah.

"That's quite a catch, that catch-22" (Lt. Col. Mackenzie is trying to have Harm removed as judge from a case)

Agent Blackadder reminds me of a young woman I autopsied once.

[looking at the body] When'd she die?

Oh, gosh, in Hollywood. Let's see, it's got to be at least 20 years ago. She was an assistant film editor and the film editor's wife caught them in flagrante delicto--

[interrupting] This one, Ducky. When did this one die?