[Jerome "Jerry" Whittaker sees Barney try to dismantle a basketball hoop over his driveway]
JerryBarney, what is going on?
Jerry
I don't understand.
JJ gets a childhood, a dad, a real family, and a basketball hoop? No, no, I at least get the hoop, I'm taking it with me.
Jerry
Please, just come down and talk to me.
Why? Why should I? You're lame, okay? You're just some lame, suburban dad.
Jerry
Why does that make you so mad?
Because if you were going to be some [agitated] lame, suburban dad, why couldn't you have been that for me!?!?
Jerry
Look, Barney, I know I screwed up.
Oh, "screwed up" doesn't even begin to describe what I've been through-
Jerry
I know, I know, I KNOW! I want to fix this and I don't know how! Please, tell me what I can do! I'll do anything! [Barney continues trying to remove the hoop, Jerry briefly goes back inside and returns with a tool box] You'll never get it down like that. [gives screwdriver to Barney, who hits hoop with it like a hammer] No, Barney, Barney! Put the pointy end into the grooves. That's it, now turn it. Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey. [Barney begins unscrewing] I have no good excuse, Barney. It took me years before I was even able to look myself in the mirror for the way I let you down. It took courage to send me that letter. More courage than I've ever had. I owe you a lifetime of apologies, and I, I just... I have no idea where to begin.
[The gang is at MacLaren's Bar with Jerry trying to figure out which club to go to]
Let's see, what club should we hit first? There's Club Was, there's Wrong...
Um, those places shut down a long time ago.
Jerry
Where's Where?
Where's where Was was, isn't it?
No, Was wasn't where Where was. Was was where Wrong was, right?
Jerry
Okay...
Not Okay. That place is lame.
Okay is Lame? I thought Lame was a gay bar. Or is that Wrong?
That's wrong. That's Not Wrong.
Oh, I like Focus, let's go there.
I thought Focus was closed.
No, Was was Closed. Once Was shut down, it reopened as Closed.
Jerry
I don't know. Third base, right?!
Ew, Third Base is all frat guys.
Okay is not Lame. Lame is a gay bar.
No, Shut Up shut down. I can't believe I don't know the clubs anymore.
Guys, just pick a club, okay?
AAll
Okay is Lame! Gay bar!
For the record, um, I was in there once by accident. I'm pretty sure it's pronounced Lamé.
[cut to the group at a club called Hopeless]
[Barney talks to his father about how he settled down and how his life had been]
When I think about going for anything more than that, I look at my life and who I am. I'm too far gone. I'm broken.
Jerry
[looks back at Barney] Son, I was far more broken than you'll ever be...and look at me now. Don't get me wrong, settling down is a challenge - it's the biggest challenge of your life.
Jerry
A magician never reveals his greatest trick, but I'll give you a hint: you got to meet the right girl. Who knows, maybe you'll meet her tomorrow.
Maybe I've met her already.
How I Met Your Mother · 439 quotes
