I've got the plague?
Don't worry, its treatable. Being a bitch, though... nothing we can do about that.
S2 E18Sleeping Dogs Lie
S2 E19House vs. God
You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic.
[Paraphrase of Thomas Szasz, "If you talk to God, you are praying; If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia. If the dead talk to you, you are a spiritualist; If you talk to the dead, you are a schizophrenic." (The Second Sin, Anchor/Doubleday, Garden City, NY. 1973, Page 113)]
You're gonna talk to a patient?
God talks to him. It'd be arrogant of me to assume that I'm better than God.
He is not a saint. He figures out what's going on in people's lives by watching, listening, deducing...
And you're worried about trademark infringement?
Then he passes on advice from God so he can watch them jump. It's a power trip.
Ah, and there the similarities end.
I fear for the human race. A teenager claims to be the voice of God and people with advanced degrees are listening.
BBoyd
Dad, we have to have faith...
WWalter
I have faith in the Lord. You, I trust... as much as you can trust a teenage boy.
S2 E20Euphoria, Part 1
Cop with a sense of humor, differential diagnosis, guy's in the ER, bleeding on everybody.
Drugs?
He's a cop.
Good point, how about... drugs?
Tox screen was clean, he did however get hit with a bullet. Just mentioning.
He was shot?
No, somebody threw it at him.
[Referring to Foreman] He doesn't like cops.
[Very sarcastic] Foreman, policemen are our friends. If you and I are ever separated shopping...
Saying there appears to be clotting is like saying there's a traffic jam up ahead. Is it a ten-car pile up, or just a really slow bus in the center lane? And if it is a bus, is it a thrombotic bus or an embolic bus? ... I think I pushed that metaphor too far.
The chance of infection is next to nothing.
Yeah, I was never great at math, but next to nothing is higher than nothing, right?.
[Dr. Foreman is having brain surgery while Dr. Chase shows up some geometrical pictures, but it takes some time for the answer about the last image]
Foreman. Why aren't you answering? Is there a problem?
S-square.
Tell me your date of birth.
Is that House?
Yeah. Next?
[surprised but unable to move by head restrains] Square again. Why is he here?
Because my neurologist is having surgery.
I thought I was another patient.
You didn't believe that crap. Did you? [while inserts a needle into Dr. Foreman's brain] Date of birth.
The Ommaya reservoir is inserted in the parietal lobe. My spatial recognition is the issue, not my memory.
Oops! Did you say Ommaya? I could swear you said biopsy. Hey! I'm just messing with your head. Mother's maiden name, please.
[while tries to look at Dr. House, who is standing behind and taking a sample] Get out of my temporal lobe, House.
S2 E21Euphoria, Part 2
You put both of them in isolation for a reason. Joe's death elevates this situation to a bio-safety level three.
Ooohhh, Level Three. Should I call Jack Bauer?
[House leads Dr. Foreman's father into Dr. Cuddy's office]
House, what is this?
He's not a what, he's a who. They even have the right to vote now.
Foreman's black.
What?! How long have you been sitting on this information?
You feeling any better?
I can't breathe, I'm dizzy, and I can barely hear anything over the sounds of my lungs crackling.
That's the Legionellosis.
[sarcastically] Well, you figure that out from the symptoms or the vial of stuff tossed in my room?
I'm trying to be professional here, there's no reason to be nasty.
I'm in pain!
So's House.
And he's a delight.
He doesn't try to kill his colleagues.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.