House · Season 1
Occam's razor. The simplest explanation is always the best.
And you think one is simpler than two?
I'm pretty sure it is, yeah.
Baby shows up. Chase tells you that two people exchange fluids to create this being. I tell you that one stork dropped the little tyke off in a diaper. Are you going to go with the two or the one?
I think your argument is specious.
I think your tie is ugly.
Reality is almost always wrong.
This is our fault. Doctors over-prescribing antibiotics. Got a cold? Take some penicillin. Sniffles? No problem. Have some azithromycin. Is that not working anymore? Well, got your Levaquin. Antibacterial soaps in every bathroom. We'll be adding vancomycin to the water supply soon. We bred these superbugs. They're our babies. And they're all grown up and they've got body piercings and a lot of anger.
My joints have been feeling all loose, and lately I've been feeling sick a lot. Maybe I'm over training; I'm doin' the marathon, like, ten miles a day, but I can't seem to lose any weight.
[while using an ultrasound] Lift up your arms.
You have a parasite.
Like a tapeworm or something?
Lie back and lift up your sweater.
You can put your arms down.
Can you do anything about it?
Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states.
Illegal?
Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites...
Playdates?
[shows the fetus to her] It has your eyes.
No you see I'm on this birth control-
I know, I saw the scar.
And my doctor said I might not get any periods if it's working.
You also don't get any periods if it isn't working.
See, this is why I don't waste money on shrinks, cause you give me all these really great insights for free.
Shrink. If you would consider going to a shrink, I would pay for it myself. The hospital would hold a bake sale, for God's sake.
[referring to babies] I'm still amazed you're actually in the same room with a patient.
People don't bug me until they get teeth.
What the hell are those?
Candy canes.
Candy canes? Are you mocking me?
No, i-it's Christmas and I, I thought...
Relax, it's a joke.
In ten seconds, I'm going to announce that I gave her [the patient] the wrong dosage.
[Taken aback] You're going to admit negligence?
Unless you leave the room, you'll have to testify as a witness. [Cuddy crosses her arms] Five, four, three, two... So there I was in the clinic, drunk, I opened the drawer, closed my eyes, grabbed the first syringe I could find and.... [Cuddy leaves quickly]
Sister Augustine believes in things that aren't real.
I thought that was a job requirement for you people.
How is the nun?
Which one?
The cute one, I think she likes me. The sick one, obviously.
Why is it so difficult for you to believe in God?
What I have difficulty with is the whole concept of belief. Faith isn't based on logic and experience.
I experience God on a daily basis...and the miracle of life all around--the miracle of birth, the miracle of love. He is always with me.
Where is the miracle in delivering a crack-addicted baby? Hmm? Then watching her mother abandon her 'cause she needs another score. Miracle of love. You're over twice as likely to be killed by the person you love than by a stranger.
Are you trying to talk me out of my faith?
You can have all the faith you want in spirits, and the afterlife, and heaven and hell, but when it comes to this world, don't be an idiot. Cause you can tell me you put your faith in God to get you through the day, but when it comes time to cross the street, I know you look both ways.
This is a good hospital?
Depends what you mean by "good". [looks around] I like these chairs.
[Referring to Dr. House] He's really talking to a patient.
I don't know who I am any more.
[Referring to Dr. House] He likes crazy people. He likes the way they think.
They think... badly. That's the definition of... crazy.
They're not boring. He likes that.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
