You can trust me.
Problem is, if I can't trust you, I can't trust your statement that I can trust you. But thanks anyway, you've been a big help.
S1 E15Mob Rules
Need the lawyer.
Who'd you kill?
Nobody, but it's not even lunch.
We're a bit of a specialized hospital. We generally only deal with patients when they're actually sick.
I don't have the right to show interest in someone?
You absolutely do, and I absolutely have the right to humiliate you for it.
S1 E16Heavy
The ultrasound and biopsy confirmed our worry. The tumor is extremely large, at least thirty pounds.
Oh, God.
It's actually a personal record for this clinic.
I'm not pregnant.
Sorry, you don't get to make that call unless you have a stethoscope. Union rules.
This is what a woman is supposed to look like. We're not just skin and bones - we have flesh. We have curves.
You have little people inside you.
[Looks angrily]
Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I guess I must have just been brainwashed by the media... and all those years of medical training.
Physician-patient confidentiality protects me from annoying conversations.
Figures you'd try and come up with a solution where no one gets hurt. The problem is, the world doesn't work that way just 'cause you want it to.
Figures you'd stall and refuse to deal with the issue. Problem is, the world doesn't go away just because you want it to.
S1 E17Role Model
In the Senator's condition, a spleen biopsy could easily cause sepsis and kill him!
Why do you do this to me? Now if I kill him, I can't tell the judge I had no idea of the risks involved.
[giving differential diagnosis] Idiopathic T-cell deficiency?
Idiopathic, from the Latin meaning we're idiots 'cause we can't figure out what's causing it. Give him a whole body scan.
You hate whole body scans.
'Cause they're useless. Could probably scan every one of us and find five different doodads that look like cancer. But, when you're 4th-down, 100 to go, in the snow, you don't call a running play up the middle. Unless you're the Jets.
[House leaves]
I hate sports metaphors.
SSenator
What will the voters think? If they find out I've had a b-b-brain biopsy?
This could leave you b-b-b-b-brain damaged...and you're worried about NASCAR dads?
[to black Senator] You're not going to become President either way. They don't call it the White House because of the paint job.
Ed Vogler is a brilliant businessman, a brilliant judge of people, and a man who has never lost a fight. You know how I know that the new ACE inhibitor is good? Because the old one was good. The new one is really the same, it's just more expensive. A lot more expensive. See, that's another example of Ed's brilliance. Whenever one of his drugs is about to lose its patent he has his boys and girls alter it just a tiny bit and patent it all over again. Making not just a pointless new pill, but millions and millions of dollars. Which is good for everybody, right? Except for the patients. Psht. Who cares? They're just so damn sick. God obviously never liked them anyway.
S1 E18Babies & Bathwater
She has gone from the 25th weight percentile to the 3rd in one month. Now I'm not a baby expert, but I'm pretty sure they're not supposed to shrink.
RKRachel Kaplan
Well there's this diet we put her on when she stopped breast feeding...
AKAndrew Kaplan
But it's healthy, um, raw food. We're vegans. Almond milk, tofu, uh, vegetables...
Raw food... If only her ancestors had mastered the secret of fire. Babies need fat, proteins, calories. Less important: sprouts and hemp. Starving babies is bad and illegal in many cultures. I'm having her admitted.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.