House quotes

Cuddy

The only time you're afraid is when you're happy. You just don't expect it to last.

House

'Cause it doesn't.

Cuddy

You don't know that.

House

I've done horrible things to you. And I'll do horrible things again, to you. Because of one stupid moment with a dying girl in a pile of rubble, you think I can change. Tell me where I'm wrong.

Cuddy

I don't want you to change. I know you're screwed up. I know you are always going to be screwed up. But you're the most incredible man I've ever known. You are always going to be the most incredible man I have ever known. So, unless you're breaking up with me, I am going home now.

House

I love you.

Wilson

I've been more passionate with my great-aunt.

House

Mabel? Up high!

Cuddy

We done here?

House

She didn't even ask me to cough. [To Cuddy] I think you straightened out my limp.

Taub

And you're not worried you're being selfless to the point of self-denial?

You've never been inspired by someone?

Wilson

What happened?

House

She said 'yes' and I heard 'no'. I didn't actually hear 'no', but I just was sure that's what she meant. The way she tilted her head and half arched her eyebrow. What do I even care what she meant? She said 'yes', that's all that matters. ....I'm screwing this up.

Cuddy

HR can't find you a new supervisor.

House

How come?

Cuddy

Because you're unsuperviseable, House. Two department chairs threatened to quit.

[To his sister Della, the patient] You do so many great things. I just watch. I get to watch and coach and cheer. That's not me out there. It never will be. If you take this piece of me, carry it with you, then I really can share everything you do. THIS is the great thing I can do with my life. Don't make me live without you.

House

We're fine. Never seen her happier.

Wilson

Yeah? How about you?

House

I'm worried.

Wilson

Because she's happy?

House

No. Because I am.

Wilson

House, that's...

House

Ironic? Weird? Crazy?

Wilson

I was going to say normal.

Foreman

So we're taking this case because you are a fan?

House

No, that would be crazy and unprofessional. You're taking this case because I said so.

House

We need to make her cooperate. We have to offer her something she wants.

Foreman

She wants to kill herself, House.

House

...I can work with that.

Cuddy

You used a 3 million dollar piece of hospital equipment so you could read a novel?

House

Cool, right?

Cuddy

Well, as your girlfriend, I'm impressed. As your boss, you're a jackass. Don't do it again.

House

As your boyfriend, I thank you. As your employee, I resent you because I need this for my case.

Cuddy

As your boss, you just got six more clinic hours next week.

Chase

Oh, and she's not like Cameron.

House

True. Cameron had much smaller breasts. By which I mean she was smarter.

House

So this time I'm gonna put you at ease. It's just you and ol' Doc House. A couple of pals chittin' the chat.

Chase

Why not just place a chair above a trap door with a shark tank underneath?

House

Wednesday is when I get my shark tank cleaned.

Normal EKG. No osler nodes.

House

Right, Dr. Kelly!

Chase

Kelly's her first name.

House

What's your point, Dr. Robert?

Chase

[to Foreman] So who gives a crap if I prepped her?

Foreman

Uh, House. And that's just off the top of my head.

Chase

Why are you doing this? You trying to make me look bad so you look better… or you don't like her, or you're angry at me? What?

Foreman

We hire someone unqualified, it's just dead weight we'll all be pulling. Me especially.

Chase

You especially why?

Foreman

What do you mean why? Because I'm...

Chase

You're what? You're my boss or something?

Foreman

Something like.

Chase

So that's what it is. You're angry that House gave me the chance to hire someone because you still think you're at a different level to everyone else. That's just pathetic.

Foreman

I am at a different level.

Chase

Which is reflected in what, exactly? Your title? No. Your salary? Not really. Your responsibilities? Hardly. Your attitude? Ah. I think we finally found it.

Foreman

It doesn't change the fact that you made a bad decision because you want to get laid.

Chase

Or the fact that you're courageously picking on Kelly because you're scared to take on House. Congratulations. You're a real leader.

House

You know what, I'm back to the Cameron theory. That you hired the dumb version of Cameron so that you could fire her and get revenge.

Foreman

Give her a break.

House

Oh, you've switched sides? Let me guess, Chase represents the dumb version of Thirteen…

Foreman

I realized if we all just keep pressuring Kelly, of course she's gonna get stuff wrong. It's irresponsible of me to let that happen.

House

You are a true leader of men.